 Wednesday, June 13, 2007
When football management gets really tough
Who would be a football manager? Anatoliy Demyanenko, manager of Dynamo Kiev for two seasons, has just won his second league title, holding off a challenge from Shakhtar Donetsk. Remarkably, Kiev went through the season undefeated, an improvement on their already impressive single defeat the previous season.
You would think that all is well in the Dynamo camp, but you would be wrong, this is football after all. Club president, Ihor Surkis, told the press before the championship winning game on Sunday, "It would be wrong for me to fire a coach who has just won the national cup and who is very close to winning the Ukrainian league, however, Demyanenko will not have the right to make any mistakes in the forthcoming Champions League. I hope he understands that."
I am glad Surkis has recognised that some restraint is appropriate before firing a double winning manager, but denying your manager “the right to make any mistakes” in the Champions League suggests Dynamo may have a predictably disappointing future.
We have debated the stresses and expectations thrust upon Gordon Strachan, but the Celtic job looks like stroll in the park compared to how things work elsewhere.
169 Comments:
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Did somebody break the blog?
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2nd after a Chicory Tip auld haun?
Curly
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Paul67 -
Maybe the fans don't think that Demyanenko is "Dynamo Kiev minded"?
Wondering Curly
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Minded I obviously meant.
Bloody communion wine!
/Bishop B
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Your Grace-limited resources?
Really?
TG on kazillions per week?
That altar wine must have come from Chateau du Mint!
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Life is boring, there is no football to watch and all that's left is to wander round the web searching for stories about who's coming, etc.(actually I would be more excited if I could find out who is going!). It's got so bad that to-day I put the likely dates for th forthcoming C.L. matches into my calendar to make sure that I don't book any holidays that will clash.
So I have a question for the 'Auld Hands'...................
Name four Celtic players who also played for the beloved and never forgotten Third Lanark (since 1950)?
C'mon the Hi-Hi's
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Len Brenna, comment deleted, language violation.
Curly, sometimes people are too close to a situation to see how bizarre they sound. I am sure this guy has it all logically figured out, ‘Winning the Ukrainian will be easy, they will be facing the worst Shakhtar team in years, and the only real measure of the manager is Europe’.
Celticlover, ‘faither’.
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oldtim67
Re the Celtic game in Denver.
Colorado Rapids have outsourced their ticketing service. Go directly to
www.tickethorse.com where you can buy your ticket on line. You have 2 choices of receiving the ticket; pick up at the stadium or an electronic ticket that you print.
Good luck.
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Dunky McKay?
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Ronnie Simpson
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Bobby Evans
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Evander Williams?
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I think it´s pertinent to mention the name Walter Smith here. Walter Smith was jettsioned from his position long before Rangers had the chance to win 10-in-a-row. They were that conceited that he was considered a failure due to his CL record which if you compare it recently with MON, WGS & Eck it was abysmal considering the resources that he had and for how long.
If the quote will not have the right to make any mistakes in the forthcoming Champions League had applied to WGS who hadn´t won anything then Artmedia would have consigned him to the tricky quiz question category for ever.
If you consider that both Celtic and Rangers can only turn a noticable profit by being involved in Europe and possibly more specifically in the CL then maybe the comments made by Ihor Surkis relate to the CL qualifier specifically and enjyoing the CL cashcow rather than winning the CL out right.
If anybody should take succour from the above article then it has to be Gordon Strachan himself. I hope he´s around for a long time to see it through. I dont think that he will progress much further if he has to keep rebuilding teams every season. Lets hope that team 3 hangs around for 3 years like MON´s and takes us to a European final and goes one step further.
For a wee red heided Hibby whose hero was jinky it would seem right and fitting.
Hereby endeth the sermon for today..go in peace
Hail Hail
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celticlover
Billy Craig
Gil Heron (father of Scott)
Jimmy Mic Ilroy
Duncan Mc Kay
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The Left Winger
Fowler was out with about 6 mates, they just stood in a circle around him all night. He looked like he was 'behaving himself' drink-wise anyway, you never know.
Karbon on a Tuesday night is a normal place to find footballers during the season (as they're usually off the next day) but apart from those in signing talks I'd think most would be off on holiday.
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Good news that Teddy Bjarnason has signed a new 3 year deal.
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Sorry Paul, just talking about the laptop loyal gets me going!!
Some good news - I see Bjarnason has just signed a new 3 year deal with champions.
BBC up to their normal standard though;
"The 20-year-old made his first team debut in the final SPL game of the season against Hibernian.
Bjarnason moved to Celtic Park more than two years ago and recently won his first call up for Iceland.
He came on as a substitute in the embarrassing 1-1 draw with Liechtenstein and he started the 5-0 thrashing at the hands of Sweden"
I better go before I get struck off again. (",)
/Bishop B
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Was Walter in charge when they reached the S-F?Or was that Sourness?
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Walter Smith was in charge when Tapie bought himself the EC. Still stand by my assertion though that considering the resources and time he had it was still a pretty poor showing.
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dontbratt, they didn't reach the S-F. They failed to progress from the group stage at a time when there was only two, four team group stages!
It was bad enough back then as it was!
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AweNaw-they were Euromince deluxe.
We have to make sure that we don't go down the same road,ie domestic domination of the SPL leading nowhere in terms of proper football.
Where we may slightly differ[and I'd be very disappointed[;)]to be proved wrong] is in your confidence in the Ginger Helmsman to steer us to the Promised Land.
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Paul, The two groups were the Quarter Final stage and given they finished second in the group, I suppose you could say they were effectively semi-finalists. I don't think it serves anyone well to be churlish about this.
However, going into their last match (and EdwardU can correct me here), they needed Marseille to lose and needed to beat CSKA at home. They drew 0v0 at home with CSKA and I think Marseille beat Brugge quite convincingly so it wasn't as close as some Rangers fans claim. I suppose the highlight of their involvement was beating Leeds at Elland Road and drawing both games with Marseille - the game in France was a good game from what I recall.
They were in a group with Marseille, CSKA Moscow (who were forced to play their 'home' games in Germany) and Club Brugge. The last two were far from being world-beaters.
The competition has changed 100% since those early group stages.
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Paul67-Don't expect me to be impressed by facts;>!
There were no semi-finals that year,Marseilles finished top of the group and went through to the Finals.
I'm either getting them mixed up with Leeds,or I wasn't paying much attention at the time because a/European football offered no comfort to the Celts or B/I had a houseful of bairns.
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DBBIA,
additionally I wonder if we as a support will go down the same road with Gordon Strachan as what the bears did with Walter Smith.
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Afternoon all.
Just a quick note to emphasise that the dribble on the last thread was the synopsis, not the real deal which is a well researched dissertation based upon first hand evidence from a number of jakeys who stand outside Somerfields, claim that they are from another universe and have met the Fanseni!
Kev, I once rang my mate Paul to ask him why I only had one shoe. His mobile rang inside my fridge. When I opened the door, the phone was inside my shoe. And your right, that was the last place I looked. Weird!!
Anyway the first instalment will be tonight circa 18.30.
As for those (well Tom the Tim anyway) who asked about 'Stealthily Stalks the Lion', it is now complete and chapping at doors of likely agents. It also has a new title.
If I have any success I'll let you know.
BTW. All the way to CP for nuthin! The View is not published again till middle of July!
Right back to those wardrobes.
Hail Hail
Estadio
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There was me thinking we had just offered a new contract to a bright young talent, a deal which suits player and club alike. But thank you BBC because with comments like this i've seen the light:
'He came on as a substitute in the embarrassing 1-1 draw with Liechtenstein and he started the 5-0 thrashing at the hands of Sweden.'
How spiteful does that sound?
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Just so that the Walter Smith European record can be put in context, here are the Champions League records (not including qualifiers) of all of the managers of Scottish teams. Overall, it is pretty poor, especially so if you take out his first season. None of the managers has a positive record, though.
Manager Pl W D L %
WS 24 5 8 11 37.5
DA 6 2 2 2 50
MO 18 6 3 9 41.67
AM 15 2 7 6 36.67
GS 8 3 1 4 43.75
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BBC=Bluenoses Beneath Contempt.
Anyways-the Cardigan has got himself a cushy number this year.
Even the most deRanged can't be expecting much this season.His mates in the SFA could make sure he has a gentle run of fixtures to clock up a few points and he will think he can get a performance against us in the first 90minute hate.
Meanwhile,over in the Light the Hoops support will be expecting to see fast,flowing freescoring football from their heroes,now that the Human Handbrake[allegedly]that was NL is off to Sherwood Forest.
So,cardie and slippers for WS,cardiogram and sleepers for El Gordo.
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Canajunbhoy13.02.
CB.Thanks for the info,I'm not there yet,Waiting on my nephew confirming he'll go,I can't drive, so he's said he'll go and do the driving.
I've taken a note of the ticket service,I'm 95% certain on going at the moment,My nephew works in London and may not get time off.
Much obliged for your help,Thanks again.
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Wonderful research ANNAOAN and your answers are correct but I suspect that is down to your powers of research and not memory(are you old enough?). I should have clarified that I was looking for Celtic regular 1st team players although the wonderful, classy Dunky McKay certainly falls into that catergory.
I'm really impressed with Benny's answers who got Bobby Evans, Euan Williams and Dunky McKay. benny are you old enough to remember Bobby Evans?
Ther are 2 others who would have been well known to Celtic supporters of the 60's
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Celticlover
Tommy Mc Donald misses out by one season.
EIther I googled or I am ancient. I can´t win
www.bhoys2-4thlanark.com/fifties ;-)
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Management pressure-if you take the big bucks you take the territory that goes with it.Relation of mine runs local junior team down here and i have told him his jacket will be on a shoogly peg if he does not deliver junior cup next season.Oh by the way ditch the black socks with the red tops.Delivered my 2nd trophy in as many seasons with the Dynamos U14s or a could have been out a job myself.
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Newsflash:
David Moyes spotted entering Goodison with Becks
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Chang are to reconsider their sponsorship deal
Boom Boom
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sean i agree completely i just read that and thought "no need"!!
i see dortmund have signed another striker putting the rumour mill into overdrive re frei!!
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The connection between BBC and Daily Record employees is to say the least incredible. You wouldn´t get away with such cronyism in the old Soviet Union
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Two pieces of good news today.
Estadio's book completed and the signing of Teddy's contract extension.
If that boy is not a first team regular by the end of next season, then my name's not Mot the Mit.
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celticlover...
I believe that Mike Jackson played for the Hi-Hi.
As someone else suggested I think Bobby Craig did too.
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BBC Scotland up to the expected standard with the Teddy Bjarnason story.
Quite happy that he`s signed through! :-)
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Not only were there no semi-finals in Rangers 'oh so nearly' season, but there was still only one team per country, so it was nothing like as hard as it is now to qualify. What would you give for a CL group now with opponents from France, Belgium and Russia, with the Russians forced to play their home games on neutral gerounds ?
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Tom the Tim
Agree with your comments re Teddy.Watched some action during last season on Celtic TV.Hope he gets his chance.Do you think GS might play him on LHS cutting inside.Looks stronger than Aiden
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Right I know you have all been sitting glued to your keyboards. I asked last week for a couple of recomendations for reading on Holiday. I did not expect the amount and range of topics which were given but thanks to all who contributed.
As the main themes were Spanish Civil war and sport I will give you them first.
When I give you the others I have tried to find a brief review of what its about if the title is vague. Some are probably wrong but blame Amazon... I also tried to group the others loosely together
Spanish
Antony Beevor “Battle for Spain - The Spanish Civil War. 1936-39”
George Orwell's "A Homage to Catalonia"
Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom The Bell Tolls".
Paul Preston's “Franco – A biography”
CJ Sansom “Winter in Madrid”
Graham Greene “Monsignor Quixote”
Giles Tremlett “Ghosts of Spain
Gabriel Garcia Marquez and E. Grossman “Love in the time of Cholera” Spanish love story
Isabelle Allende “Zorro”
Carlos Ruiz Zafon “Shadow of the Wind” Spanish Drama
Javier Cercas “Soldiers of Salamis” Civil war
Sport
David Peace “The Damned Utd”
Gary Imlach “My father and other Working Class Heroes”
Phil Ball Morbo the Story of Spanish football- History and politics in Spanish football.
Ulrich Hesse-Lichtenberger “Tor – the story of German football”
Lance Armstrong's “autobiography”
Rob Bagchi, Paul Rogerson "The Unforgiven"
H G Bissinger 'Friday Night Lights'
Andrew Jennings “Foul”
Tom Bower “Broken Dreams: Vanity, Greed and the Souring of British Football.”
James S Hirsch “Hurricane : The life of Rubin Carter, Fighter”
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Others
William Dalrymple “The Last Mughal. The fall of a dynasty, Delhi, 1857”
Joseph O'Connor's “Redemption Falls” American civil war
Jon Halliday & Jung Chang “Mao”
David Mitchell “Ghostwritten” Japanese death cult!!!
John McGahern's "That they may face the rising sun' Life in an Irish village
Brian Moore “Black Robe” Settling in Canada
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie "Half of a Yellow Sun". Biafran civil war
Joseph Ratzinger aka Pope Benedict XIV “Jesus of Nazareth”
Khaled Hosseini “The Kite Runner” a boy in Afghan Growing up
Ben Okri “the famished road” Read the review and still don’t understand it
JP Donleavy's “The Ginger man” or any other of books. Society in Dublin and London told through a drunk Womaniser….sounds good
Spike Milligan “Puckoon” It's 1924 and the Boundary Commission is deciding on the new line between Northern Ireland and the Irish Republic. With much pushing and shoving, the border finds it's way down the middle of Puckoon, dividing house from outhouse, man from wife, and pub chairs from bars. Something must be done!
Tom Sharpe ”Wilt” and “The Throwback”
Frank Skinners Autobiography.
John Cole's "As It Seemed To Me"
Richard Pryor's “Pryor convictions and other life sentences”
Jonathan Harr “A Civil Action” The story of a law suit which lasts 30 years”
Gary Younge, "Stranger in a Strange Land : Encounters in a disunited land" a series of articles on American culture, attitudes towards race, war and foreign policy
Jonathen Franzen “The Corrections” Franzen gives himself plenty of room to examine the foibles, fears, hopes, anxieties and neuroses of 21st-century American life
Nate Blakeslee “Tulia: Race, Cocain and corruption In a small Texas town”
Malachi Martin “Hostage to the Devil: The possession and Exorcism of 5 living Americans “
Frederick Taylor 'Dresden'
antony beevor “Stalingrad”
Anonymous “A Woman in Berlin”
Dominic Sandbrook “Never Had It So Good: A History of Britain from the Suez to the beatles”
Slavomir Rawicz “The Long Walk. The true story of a trek to freedom
John Boyne “The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas” Story of the Holocaust
Susan Nathan “The Other Side of Israel”
Giovanni Guareschi "The Little World of Don Camillo"
Paul Johnston "The Bone Yard" and "Water of Death"
Gabriel García Márquez “100 years of Solitude” The story of seven generations of the Buendia family and of Macondo, the town they have built. Though little more than a settlement surrounded by mountains, Macondo has its wars and disasters, even its wonders and miracles. A microcosm of Columbian life, its secrets lie hidden, encoded in a book and only Aureliano Buendia can fathom its mysteries and reveal its shrouded destiny. Blending political reality with magic realism, fantasy with comic invention
Bill Watkins “Celtic Childhood” Childhood stories in Ireland, England and Wales
Irish" by John Burrowes Story of the Irish in Glasgow
Paul Burke “Father Frank” an accidental journey into priesthood
Peter Sheridan “44: Dublin Made me"
Philip Pullnam 'His Dark Materials'
Terrel Miedaner “The Soul of Anna Klane “
Elizabeth Kostova "The Historian" (Don't read alone!)
David J Garrow “Bearing the Cross”
Campbell Armstrong “The Last Darkness” Murders in Glasgow
Irwin Shaw “The Young Lions” People during WW2
Tom Sharpe “Riotous Assembly” Sound like African perversion
Brian Masters “The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer”
Donald Woods “Biko”
John Irving " a prayer for owen meany"
Bill Bryson's "a short history of nearly everything".
David James Any of his books He created an interesting Russian Detective in Vadim. Plots set somewhere 2030 on as I remember. Original book is Monstrum I believe.
Robert Service “The collected Poems of “
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AND the one’s that could not even get into the others category
Eric Thompson Magic Roundabout books The Adventures Of Dougal, The Adventures Of Brian, The Adventures Of Dylan and The Adventures Of Ermintrude
Gilbert Shelton "The Complete Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers"
Seriously thanks to everyone who gave their thoughts. No I need to pick!!!
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would you be surprised if you heard that WGS was trying to offload Riordan - permanently.
No.
Me neither.
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Greenlion2
How long you going on holiday for?
BTW, for a masterclass in acting, I recommend one of those books you mention, which was made into a movie (At least I assume it's the same story anyway)... "The Young Lions" with Montgomery Clift and Marlon Brando
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Mike obviouly not long enough!!!
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I was reading the etims article about Charlie Prickless and it got me thinking that the pundits that we have representing Celtic in the media are awful. The best is Murdo Mc Leod and that´s saying something.
Tosh Mc Kinlay, Craig Burley, Davie Provan .. all fully paid up members of the laptop loyal
Can we not get some real Celtic stars representing us. What´s the likes of Paul Mc Stay, Frank Mc Garvey up too. I miss them and need to see their coupons more often.
Time for a change
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GL2 - who you trying to kid?!
You'll be wrecked or hungover most of the holiday!
Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers - fantastic. Look out for "Fat Freddies Cat" and "The Further Adventures of Jesus".
Looking forward to seeing Evander and Teddy establish themselves next season.
Time for Bobo to gogo - we could use his excessive wages to better effect.
Anyone know if Hypia is definately leaving Liverpool?
TTTT
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i heard celts are in for the french u21 right back who is also the capt ,anyone seen him in the euro champ
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Is the fixtures for the new SPL season announced tomorrow ?
I bet the computer hands Watty a home game to begin with or an easy away game while we get Hearts at CP or away. No OF game until at least the 9th game of the season and no Jamboes for the Bears until about the 7th game of the season.
Any takers ?
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Awe Naw - a bit OTT with your comments regarding Tosh. At least he had the integrity to resign from Snyde due to calling it wrong over the supposed £20M, unlike certain other pundits after SB signed for the Hoops.
I also think that Provan talks a lot of sense in his weekly "column".
Frank was too controversial for Setanta and that was why he got binned from TimTV. He called it as he saw it, but he was deemed to be too critical of the club.
Loved it when he was on the CelticTV phone-in.
Somehow, just can't imagine Snyde or the Rankers Retirement home at the Beeb offering him a job!
TTTT
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Celtic will play at home first as they are champions.
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Why not kick off the season with Celtic at home to Rangers?
Would give the away support the chance to see the League flag unfurled - they haven't seen that in a while...
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Bet we get Hibs.
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and they get Gretna.
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TTTT
Tosh makes me squirm when I read his stuff next to BFDJ in the evening news. Plenty of forelock tugging and cap in hand going on in that mindset as far as I´m concerned. I only ever hear Provan maybe his written stuff is better than his commentary and if it is I wonder why ?
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Greenlion2, The book below Has been highly recommended to me as a must. The best footballing book ever according to a work colleague. I am going to purchase a copy from amazon for little over a fiver for my holiday read. His 2nd best footballing read was the Gary Imlach book.
Garrincha: The Triumph and Tragedy of Brazil's Forgotten Footballing Hero.
by Ruy Castro and Andrew Downie
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TTTT how did the weekend go? I bet a sore liver and an empty wallet?
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Good to hear that young Teddy has signed. Any word about the young lad (McCarthy?) from Hamilton who is supposed to be a great prospect.
Greenlion2, I am rereading Rhapsody in Green, Great Celtic Moments by Tom Campbell & Pat Woods. Wonderful reading if you can remember particular matches; maybe even better if you don't (speaking as an auld auld haun here).
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BigJock67 Thanks. I will add that to the list to be wittled down to about 4!!!!!!
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TTTT,
Hypia?
The last thing we need is another ageing centre half with a turning circle of the number 57 bus.
We had only just got rid of Varga when we got the shorter, slower, hairier Scottish version that remains today.
McManus has little pace, and is still very indecisive. He also fails to dominate in the air, despite his physique.
I'd be looking for a relatively quick, tall ball winner who can pass a ball to a teammate......and pair him with O'Dea while Cuthbert emerges and JFK returns to full fitness and strength.
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McManus is far from indecisive, quite the opposite in fact. If he is in any doubt, he has no fear of putting the ball in row Z. There are very few mix-ups involving McManus.
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Evening. Greenlion, don't know if you've read any of Flann O'Brien. If not The Third Policeman is pure class and worthy of a place on any book shelf.
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I meant indecisive in terms of not tackling, and backing off too far ( v Falkirk, v AC Milan etc) allowing people to run past him or shoot.
With the ball at his feet, you are right that he is not scared of humping it out the park.....perhaps he developed this while watching Bobo fall over the ball in one of his crazy moments....but he tends to delay his decision making by a split second that means he doesn't tend to win the ball cleanly when heading clear from 20 yards under challenge, whereas Bobo would alway win those type of situations.
I think our main problem is that between about four of our centre-backs, we have all the qualities required to make one great defender. It's just that we should have one of our centre-backs with all these qualities.
We need a cull of those not quite good enough at centre back and centre forward....to be replaced by only one or two first team picks. We will still have adequate back up within the squad
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Celticlover,
The two others would have been Charlie Cullen and Wullie Kilgannon
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Bigjock67,
Can wholeheartedly agree with you on the Garrincha book. It is an excellent read and I demolished it in a few days.
Haven't read Gary Imlach's book but am now encouraged to read it.
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15:14, Gordon
Mick Jackson was one of the ones I was looking for. Will have to check out Bobby Craig by googling (don't tell ANNAOAN!).
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dynamocelt,
I replied earlier, but blogger swallowed it.
I think that Teddy's best position is left centre midfield where his skills will be better utilised.
His ability to control and shield the ball. two quick feet and his inclination to drive at defences and take a shot at goal are what makes, in my opinion, the quintessential midfielder. He can also make and take a tackle.
In short, a cross between Murdo Mc.leod and Stan Petrov.
Had we not included him in the first team picture towards the end of the season, he would be gone with his mate.
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Bobby Craig had two spells at third lanark
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Aw Naw
Newsflash
Was that a bottle of Becks?
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theleftwinger - our main weakness over the last 8 years, apart from keepers under MON(!), has been the lack of a CB who could read the game and be comfortable on the ball under pressure.
I take your point about Hypia, but we are not going to be able to buy a top CL central defender. We need to capture them on the way up in their career or on the way down.
We have some great prospects in O'Dea, Kennedy and possibly Cuthbert, but we need an experienced guy to marshall the whole defence.
Pressley might struggle in the SPL, never mind the CL, and it's time to get Bobo off the wage bill.
Mick is good back-up, but surely not Captain material!
Has anyone else got a decent, practical suggestion for a defender who fits the bill?
GL2 - message received today. You're a gent. Weekend went very well, thanks. How was the Proclaimers musical?
TTTT
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Paul67
Ah hiv a wee minute, my guid Liege,say I,
An' ah feel ah must comment, oan whit caught ma Eye!
Yer Threed fur da day, brought it oot in da open,
Dat auld Kojo is Richt...
an' he is no oan da, DOPIN'!
As a Manager in Soccer, ye must ayeways PERFORM,
Especially, in Cel'ic... ye ur in da Eye o' da Storm!
Ye ur as only as guid as yer very LAST GAME...An' if ye gie da Least Slip,
DEN YE COULD BE SENT HAME!
The mair important da Match, the mair DANGER, it BECKONS!
In EUROPEAN NIGHTS... DER ARE NAE ROOM FUR SECON'S!!
As da Russian says... an' he is richt, so he is!
He's soon learned tae forget awe dat MARXIAN BIZ!!
He's only showin' whit is termed, GUID CAPITALIST FACTS!
WE NEVER WILL REWARD, fur TWA SUCCESSIVE POOR ACTS!
Dat's why Kojo goat slightly a leetle Cheesed aff,
In playin' poor PLAYERS... Strachan,near BLEW DA GAFF!
When Gordo, he stumbled at da Latter Stages,
His CRAZY SELECTIONS,wur a puzzle fur da Ages!
Let's see if he's learned tae be a bit Tougher,
An' should a player play badly?
Den, he is oot oan his DUFFER!!!
collie.
Tail's Awaggin', Awaggin'
Must hurry away, fur da Time Marches oan,
Fur ah must Call a Guy ...
Noo, where in da Woild, did ah put dat DARN PHONE??
TaTa
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Good evening everyone.
Estadio here. A wee bit late mind you, all due to the fact that the fitted wardrobes didn't quite fit and I had to re-do some of the joints.
I said I would stick a wee story up and I will shortly. But just before I do that, in case there are folk who would like to read it and don't have a clue what I am rabbiting on about, I repost here the synopsis.
Can I also just remind you that it is written for at the moment for kids (9yr olds to 90 year olds mind you) and that what will be posted soon is only the first part.
So to the synopsis.
It is called "The Sceptre of Fanseni", and involves how intelligence and culture was seeded in the world from another benevolent universe by Xennol who was the not quite omnipotent and not quite immortal hiheedyin in the society of Nesti.These Fanseni live in the constellation of Practickel and the universe 67 otherwise known as Steadenglowofsag.
However as the Sceptre is delivered to Earth and its power starts to manifest itself (untainted by any evil) in the form of homo-africanus, homo-erectus etc,one of the nasty Argrens - an evil set of beings from a constellation of Xorbi in which exists in the shadow of 67 - who goes by the name of Begthu Brea interferes with Sceptre causing the concept of evil to be visited upon the land.
3 million years later the Sceptre itself is found by the eponymous hero Michael, an archaeologist who has just returned from Paradise valley in Namibia, and his pals but not realising its role in the future of the virtue of the human race they remove it from its seat of power and compounds that mistake by putting it somewhere in his garage during a house move. This action starts a reaction that causes a potentially terrible fate on the world.
On his way home to a little Scottish village just outside Glasgow (possibly Coatbridge)one evening Michael is confronted by a tear in the space time continuum. He unwittingly has removed The Sceptre of the Fanseni from its resting place and they must get it back for unless it is restored within 88 hours its powers will cease and evil of the Argrens will march unfettered across the lands.
Without the power of the Sceptre the Fanseni cannot restore the equilibrium. However with the help of Michael, his family friends and bringing together the combined powers of Coatbridge, The Gorbals, Garngad, Croy and Cleland the desperate dash to find the lost Sceptre begins.
In a race against time, relativity and the devious and evil machinations of the Argrens, stretching from a mysterious and seemingly haunted house in the Luggy, to a deep dark mineshaft of despair outside a football Citadel 'somewhere on the London Road', and involving our Celtic, and Breton cousins the chase becomes one of frantic cross, double-cross, treble-cross, illusion, lies, damn lies and sleights of hand.
Will the evil hordes of Argrens win their grubby venture and vanquish the Fansei back to the 67th dimension to contemplate what might have been.
Or will the Fanseni triumph and cast the Argrens into the timeless vortex of Bosmania.
Who knows how it will all end,(Probably in tears!) but for now let battle for the future of all that is beautiful commence!
Cue - The gradually increasing volume of the march of a 100 thousand warriors flanked by the massed choirs of the Cherubim and the heroic Seraphim of Archangels.
Hail Hail
Estadio.
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Here's some top class BBC journalism
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cambridgeshire/6747815.stm
Two girls killed, mother suspected of doing it, so they get quotes from a neighbour who has never spoken to the family and the Avon lady who delivered a book to their house a couple of years ago but can't remember what they look like !
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RIGHT HERE WE GO.
The Sceptre of Fanseni
Prologue
3 Million years before the G.O.D
Deep in the underground cavern, Xennol, resplendent in vestments shimmering with the eternal virtuous colours of alternating emerald green, white and gold, stood at the Altar of Frawldo, staring down at the intent, expectant but silent audience looking upwards from the golden sandstone floor fifty feet below.
On either side of the clean cold flowing stream they sat, the men powerful and bare-chested, the women with the perfect beauty of Greek Goddesses be-robed in the white luminescence of virtue and love.
Xennol spoke up, gentle in delivery but powerful in meaning and impact!
“This is indeed the place. The time has come for the power of the Sceptre to be put to great and noble use, and for us to return to our own constellation of Practickel in the universe of Steadenglowofsag. This universe we have come to and surveyed is now ready for the wonder of life; one that is self-sustaining but that will not have the flaws of our own self-inflicted manifestation. In this instance of the multiverse, there will be no Argrens. They will not pollute the glory of intelligence and the search for the answers to the mystery of how and why, with their constant base motives of destructive greed and degenerate dishonesty.
“Here the inheritors of the Fanseni’s legacy will in search and speculate in wonder about this day, learn eternally in amazement, and live for an ever more rewarding future harmony as they discover the meaning of everything around the and realise there own oneness with the true fabric of a million realities.”
Durmoch, probably the most talented but modest of the Fanseni, turned to his friends and directed them to prepare the site for The Sceptre, powerless on its own but unstoppable once infused with the essence of the Fanseni and omnipotent when carved with the magic words of their absent patriarch, Nesti.
Larck and Ladu carried the stone sceptre to the base of the Altar and placed it in its prepared receptacle.
Xennol raised his right hand across his chest and pointed with his left at the dull grey stone rock. A brilliant silver green stream of beautiful incandescence beamed upon the rock and as it was absorbed, Xennol intoned the ancient incantation of Nesti.
“Cethcilet thrisdeso knotrinsh otftifireonropeslyra”!
Lemmeg and Stenjhono, between them picked up the sealing rock and placed it over the recess opening within which The Sceptre lay.. Now the power with which it had been infused would do its magic and the seeds of intelligence, culture, love and hope would soon sprout their buds protecting and developing not only this world, but also one day this Universe, and perhaps giving rise to life-forms that would approach the maturity of the Fanseni and transmigrate the inter-universal miasma.
Xennol continued,
“Let everyone here be witness to both the deed and the principles behind it. We have struck the spark of consciousness, but we have not decreed how it will grow or advance. We have not altered the conditions within which it will need to flourish. The only thing that we have ensured by sealing this soul of life in this place is that the power of the Sceptre will continuously communicate across the dimensionless passage back to our own existence, and keep us aware of the developments that we all hope will take place.
“The Sceptre is untainted by the mark of the Argrens and as such the evil that they brought to our own evolution will not hinder our future companions in the multiverse. This Sceptre is now of this place, a life giver, a bringer of bountiful futures. Now let us prepare to depart.”
Pimsnos, the father of the group called Nemcli and Malchres together.
“The journey is over and our work is done. This place where we have planted the Sceptre will now flourish as surely He who conceived us would have wished. Perhaps this day we have righted the fallen wrong that condemned us to the eternal battle against evil”
Under the watchful eye of Xennol they held each other in the ritual Fanseni Dhuled, utilising their combined power to conjure up the quantum gate and the path of light leading back to their own universe.
And then lepton after lepton, quark after quark, photon following photon there forms dissolved as one with the ether merging with and migrating through the universal divide leaving no visible trace of their ever having been there.
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In the vast sun-kissed plains and bountiful forests of the lands surrounding the cavern, ignorant of any rational self-awareness, the flora and fauna teemed in an ever more variegated and extensive cycle of predator, quarry, predator as they strived to be the fittest and bequeath survival upon their gene pool.
High in the equatorial canopies the primates of the age instinctively followed their biological imperatives as they fed, slept, fought, and reproduced. They shared only when their own survival demanded it.
One large and magnificent specimen was in a fight to the death over a cache of fruit. No holds were barred as he ripped his teeth into the female of the species and she in turn gouged and kicked to protect the product of her week’s foraging.
The female slipped and the larger male swung forward to complete his kill, when the branches below his huge bulk gave way and he landed in agony on damp sun-starved earth below the tree canopy. Stunned at first he lay there and then with a roar that shook the trunks and vibrated the pools of freshly fallen rain, he furiously tried to clamber back to wreak his revenge on the female.
He couldn’t move his leg.
It was stuck in a sprung corner of the tree roots and undergrowth. The more he pulled, the tighter the grip became. He roared and ripped at the would and ground but even his strength was no match for a tree that was a hundred times bigger, a thousand years older and whose roots held the very foundations of the jungle together against the assault of an ever changing climate.
He was now at a major disadvantage in the survival stakes. He was trapped unable to prise the wooden snare open. Unable to reach the sanctuary of his natural habitat in the roof of the trees, and almost immobile he was exposed to the huge carniverous stalkers that inhabited the jungle floor.
The female looked down through the branches, screaming and mocking in triumph, and bearing her teeth in derision and no little relief.
A monstrous pachycrocuta approached the stricken primate. Unable to escape and handicapped as he was, unable to defend himself, he waved his arms in vain as the salivating nemesis approached.
Sensing the distressed actions and calls of the injured primate and knowing that the tree-ridden female was no danger, the prospect of easy meat seemed a foregone conclusion.
In the far away universe of steadenglowofsag through the power of the sceptre, Xennol and his fellow Fanseni watched the scene of butchery begin to unfold. It was then that the main essence of The Sceptre and the influence of the invocation sowed its first seed.
The female primate ceased her squealing and victorious posturing. She looked down at the stranded male who looked pleadingly back up at her. The sensation of something new flowed through her. She could see herself, and she could see what was about to happen. But now she knew that he was the same as her and she could save him from suffering. The male could also see himself and could see his fate.
The female sprung from the branches landing full weight on the back of the pachycrocuta. It drove the breath from its lungs, its aggression from its intention, and escape into its plans.
The female rose on her hind limbs and drew herself to an intimidating height. The pachycrocuta retreated in spiteful spitting dudgeon not about to meddle with the huge tree-creature which shouldn’t have been anywhere near the ground.
The erstwhile hunter turned and accelerated in panic off into the relative safety of the forest interior.
The female turned to the male and searching around the ground for a sturdy branch she levered back the sprung roots that had caught his leg. They eyed each other suspiciously at first, unfamiliar but not uncomfortable with their embryonic consciousness.
Unsteadily, warily but positively with the beginnings of a sense of adventure, the female primate showed off to the male her newly discovered erect stance, ideal for moving quickly around on the ground and exploring for new sources of food and shelter. The male aped her posture.
Then, helping each other, they ascended back into the canopy of the trees and shared some of the fruit!
**************************
In the suffocating silence following the transportation of the Fanseni, from the shadows high above the now deserted altar place, a figure, originally pressed into the anonymous darkness, emerged to survey the empty cavern.
The Argren who went by the name of Bethgu Brea looked around and thought to itself
“The masters of Xorbi were indeed right. The Fanseni have not only discovered the secrets of Trans Interuniverse Materialisation, but here they have come to this strange land in an even stranger universe where no intelligence exists and movement is frustratingly limited by some primitive natural law that prevents anything exceeding the speed of archaic light?
“Typical fools. They have transferred the essence of their pathetically sad culture of weak-kneed virtue and the blunt sword of their white incantation into a Sceptre and have left it here to presumably infect some chosen life-forms with consciousness and rationality. Well being the latest in a long family line of Argrens, I’m not about to admit defeat.
“Not this Brea” he shouted and leapt down to the floor below. He winced a little as an old pain shot through his unequally long limbs, one distinguishing characteristic of most Argrens caused by constant marching with one trouser leg rolled up, causing his slight natural limp to become more pronounced.
Disguising himself as a Fanseni for the journey across the the great divide had been a real problem. After all, walking upright for any length of time was never comfortable; regularly shaving hands and face to keep the pretence going, speaking in sentences with more than four words, each of which had more than 3 syllables seemed no more than a waste of belly scratching time, and as for that wiping the bum with paper lark, that was a no-no. However, most of all that sickening memory of being polite and considerate was one that would long haunt his memory or it would have if his long term memory had exceeded 3 earth seconds.
Of course not having gone back with them, he was now stranded in this warped three-dimensional existence, and this was where the short term memory came in handy. He forgot who he was and where he came from. Fortunately for him his mother had tattooed his name and the glorious history of the Argrens of Xorbi into his mittens . Refreshing his randomly accessed memory, he became quickly resigned to his fate, planned a dignified course of action and wrote it down in pictures so as he wouldn’t forget.
First, he had to compromise the plans of the Fanseni. The Sceptre was probably already doing its work and he wouldn’t be able to reverse it, but he could distort it. Only then could he sit back and enjoy the outcome of the greed, hatred, deceit, selfishness and corruption that he would graciously confer on his soon to be loyal followers.
After all corruption and vice were surely what made existence worth experiencing; and the lucky inhabitants of this new world, his self-appointed fiefdom, were about to experience them in magnificent abundance and abandon.
He approached the stone slab that covered the recess to The Sceptre. He couldn’t look at such an item of sickly benevolence without feeling his insides start to decay, and he definitely couldn’t touch it. However, he could breathe on it, and as all who had had the misfortune to encounter the breath of the Argrens had discovered, the malevolence carried by the fetid stench and the evil intent would be enough to infect even the Sceptre of the Fanseni and damage its purpose.
**************************
As the Argren left his vaporous visiting card and re-closed the recess, somewhere out in the unsuspecting world, for the first time a Primate killed not for food, not for survival but for perverted pleasure.
Good versus evil, God versus the devil, Right versus wrong, Justice versus injustice…..Fanseni versus Argrens;…….the flash of the gleaming bladed sword of heroism against the dull heavy shield of cowardly disinterest in the battle for the soul of the future and eternity had begun!
***************************
TO BE CONTINUED SOMETIME TOMORROW.
Hail Hail
Estadio
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these argrens are heading for disk wor.......i can see it clearly, the fanseni on the other hand are making their way to the rimposde nald.....
...rivetting stuff......
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Estadio
Same time tomorrow?
Whats gonna happen when the Argren finances evaporate?
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Stuart, thanks for the stats on Scottish managers. Why did Alex McLeish have an odd number of games?
Awe Naw, Frank McGarvey is an excellent call. I would like to see him back on Celtic TV.
Collie, an interesting interjection (for a dug). Someone has clearly been ‘pullin’ yir chain’.
“The Russian” was wrong. Keep your powder dry, if you need to take action, arrive under the cover of night.
Estadio, I’ll buy the book, twice (Mrs 67 will need her own copy). I think I’ll read this evening’s episode again later.
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Class !
:)))))))))))))
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Estadio -
Didn't under stand the bit about amortisation?
Curly
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Curly-
the amortisation bit skooshed right over the top of my head as well.......
too embarrassed to say tho'........
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Fanseni 4 Argrens 0
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things that make you go Mmm,
Fowler desperate to join boyhood heroes Rangers
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Noel
Thanks for that. I'm sure I spotted myself in the crowd!
Who was the commentator?
Nothing changes when you see the rotten mob behind the goal at the end.
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A representative of the player said last night: "Robbie wants to play for Rangers. It would be ideal for him. He wants to come and add medals to his collection."
Absolutely Priceless, quote of the week,
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El Diego-
I think it was the official British Pathe commentator............
Toonbarmy-
Did Fowler not mean to say he wanted to add Ibrox to his property portfolio ?
He could buy and sell Rangers if he wanted to.........
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toonbarmy,
To be fair, if he signed for Rangers Fowler would have an excellent chance of adding Scottish Cup runner's up & Scottish League Cup runner's up medals to his collection
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Dick Byrne -
But you have to get to the final for that . . . .
Curly
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toonbarmy
Scotland also has many nice golf courses. He'll get plenty of chances to play for his medal on the Sunday up here.
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What is the latest on Frei?
Dortmund bought a new striker. Thought they were heavliy in debt. Could it be they are ready to accept an offer from Pierre?
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What is the latest on Frei?
Dortmund bought a new striker. Thought they were heavliy in debt. Could it be they are ready to accept an offer from Pierre?
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