Charity auction for two at boardroom against St Johnstone

1st?

Enjoy yer golf day, im going to check my pocket money and bid!

Mmmm

Enjoy your golf and festivities todays, fholks.

A pair of nice slacks, a cardy, wee cap and swinging sticks was never my bag but each to their own, hahaha!

enjoy the day everyone

hope it all goes well as i am sure it will

bigtrainpete
Im sure you would look dashing dressed like this

Very nice noises coming from BTM. I was impressed with his interview.

A wee birdie has been telling me (maybe weebobbycollins can confirm) that Mowbray is indeed eyeing a 4231 as his main formation but surprisingly see's Fortune in the role Master Brown excelled in at the point of the midfield 3 at Hibs. This means Scott must be moving back to one of the 2 roles in front of the defence which in turn means I suspect we have a surplus of players in that central midfield area. Particularly if we are looking at N'Guemo. N'Guemo looks to be the type of player we have been looking for the only reservation I have about him is he is 5'8". He seems to have everything else we have been looking for. Tough, good tackler and pace.

Of course this 4231 formation needs the type of strikers we do not have...I for one would not be surprised one bit to see Skippy bidding farewell to the team and the "big" signing being discussed (please Mr Janko) being the main guy with a backup also coming in.

From the interview yesterday it seems Aiden is going nowhere...however reading between the lines I will still be surprised if Artur is a Celtic player come 1st Spetember.

Lucky number 7

You look cool in that pic!!!!

still to early for signings !

Groundhog Day

Tony Mowbray - "If nobody goes out, I would like to think we could add the right quality footballers, as many as four players to start with"

This quote puts to bed the sell before you buy and £1.5m transfer budget nonsense does it not?

NavanBhoy
thats not me this is much more my style :-D

RogueLeader 9:52AM

If you are referring to the same interview as i read, i think it sounds like Artur is trying to impress the new boss after having a good long chat. Granted Tony Mowbray does mention that if Artur is thinkin about moving on he really needs to up his game, I got the impression that it is no formality that Artur is looking to leave especially now that he has real competitiion for his place!

Just my reading of it

lucky number 7

The socks and the 'Micheal Jackson' glove in the back pocket!!

CLASS!!!!

Lucky number 7: Golf chic! I wouldn't, not even for a bad taste party!

The old golfer paced anxiously up and down outside he emergency room of the Aberdeen Hospital near Aberdour Golf Course. Inside the doctors were operating to remove a golf ball accidentally driven down a player's throat.

The sister-in-charge noticed the old golfer and went to reassure him.

"It won't be long now," she said. "You're a relative?"

"No, no, lassie. It's my ball."

Have a great day and a better evening all. Hail Hail.

Just how big a difference is there between what Marc Fortune can earn with Hull or West Ham, and us I wonder. If its as much as the £10K per week that is being reported this morning then why on earth would he want to play up here rather than the Premiership. Having said that if he does come for £10K per week less than he could have got he will be a legend before he even kicks a ball imo.

thats just what i wear day to day, you should see me when i really jazz myself up for a saturday night special

ZetaBhoy
i think what TM has eluded to in a previous interview is, Fortune can go to an also ran EPL team and have a career where he will win nothing but be very very rich or he could come to Celtic, compete for championships and cups, become very rich, and have some medals to show his grandchildren. For some players winning is far more important than money, he could top up his bank account by going to EPL after Celtic if he is good enough, if it has not disappeared up its own chocolate starfish by then!

Paul 67,

Fair play to you for organising the auction, I've just checked the current bidding and been blown out of the water already, Ah well!!!

Paul67 - that's all very worthy but I'm not sure I trust this manicstreetteacher character. If that is his real name, which I doubt!

them teechurs never learnt me nuffin.

great prize for the auction and a worthy cause will no doubt benefit, but I cant help thinking that some kind of raffle may be a better way of raising more funds, while still giving the fiscally challenged among us a chance not only to win, but to give.

When I see an auction such as above hitting £265 after only 4 bids, that effectively rules me out, whereas a raffle at say £20 a pop may act as a carrot for more of us to dig deep.

However, Paul would know more about the relative sums raised from previous auctions v raffles, so I could be completely wrong in this.

Just a thought, but good luck with the fund raising, not only with the auction but with the gowf as well, its going to be a quiet day on the site today no doubt!

NavanBhoy
I just joined you in the outbid list!
Damn and blast, my Sir David Murray style plan to get it for a fiver and a magic tree ruined.

zetabhoy - "Having said that if he does come for £10K per week less than he could have got he will be a legend before he even kicks a ball imo."

It will also show how much he thinks of our new management team if he agree's to do that!

Paul67 - "Evidence I have seen suggests that those who have inherited an affinity with Celtic also inherited a humble and generous spirit."

Speak for yourself!

Generous, yes.

Devilishly handsome, yes.

Funny and brilliant, of course.

But it's hard to be humble when you were born for greater things. ;)

Tickets are at 500 squid already!
I would have to give up beer for a week to afford that :-)

pggtips2

Your comment at 8.15am

This is getting embarrassing. Tony Mowbray is not Celtic manager calibre, pure and simple. He is just too honest (sic lacking any managerial media skill) to be a top drawer football manager.

What's the problem honney? You still pining for Gordon?
Did you love him so much that you convinced yourself that he was some sort of managerial genius?
Was your antipathy towards the sporting press and Scottish society in general, satisfied by the bleatings of WGS?
Didn't you realise that another manager would one day come along and conduct himself with a bit of dignity?

I've read a lot of rubbish on CQN especially from so called happy clappies ( fans of Gordon Strachan) but your post is right up there with the most deluded.

How did all you manage to get day off to go prancing about a golf course?

No wonder country is going to the dogs,LAZY BASSAS one and all.

RogueLeader

No it doesn't really.

The proof will be in the pudding, could be an early challenge from Mowbray to the Board.

4 players have left so it stands to reason at least four should come in without even touching any transfer budget.

DD

mr angry

does the phrase 'tongue in cheek' just totally pass you by?

DD - "4 players have left so it stands to reason at least four should come in without even touching any transfer budget."

Are we getting these 4 new players for no fee then as we received no transfer fee's for the outgoers?

I am sorry DD if he is saying he has the cash to pay the fee's for 4 players, and that we have agreed a fee of £3m+ with Nancy, it does put to bed the £1.5m transfer budget and sell before you buy stuff.

Mr Angry i thought i detected a big dollop of irony in the post you refer to.........i'm depressed as i'm now working on Saturday.....stay clear of Kelvingrove park at the weekend ;)

lucky number 7 / Rogue leader

Thanks for the replies ghuys,

Cillian Sheridan, I wonder if he will get a step up this year, he didn't look to bad when he stood in before, maybe he's toughened up at Motherwell. He did score against Caley at Caley for Mwell, something that neither Skippy, Jan or Sami could do. Dont think that Chris Killen is the answer but how can we tell, he never got a run under GS.

hairlikespaghetti!,

I like your idea about the tickets for a raffle v the auction, as was done recently for the Kano appeal, it would make it much easier for many of us to contribute something which is even more important than the chance of winning but as you also said others know more about the merits of these things

hairlikespaghetti!

I tend to take people at face value.
If it was a tongue in cheek type comment then i thought the convention was to use a smiley.

pggtips2 on July 3, 2009 8:15 AM
Tony Mowbray on Artur Boruc

"Running is not his greatest forte I would suggest, but he is crawling around out there after making sure he has put in the same work as the rest," revealed Mowbray.

"I had a good chat with Artur this morning," said Mowbray yesterday. "I only watched him from afar last season, but I try and base my relationships with my players on respect.

"I told him that if he has issues or problems he has to make me aware. It's no good keeping them to himself and me just judging him on his performance. If he has other things on in his life, then he needs to talk to me about them. I also talked to him about motivation levels. Is he ready for the new season? Is he ready to go again?

"Whether or not he has ideas of moving on, he understands he has to get down to some hard work in pre-season and get focused on the job in hand. If joining one of the biggest clubs in the world is his ambition, they aren't going to come knocking if he is not performing week in, week out."

This is getting embarrassing. Tony Mowbray is not Celtic manager calibre, pure and simple. He is just too honest (sic lacking any managerial media skill) to be a top drawer football manager

So I read it, I take it at face value I give my response.

Morning Gents,

anyone know where I can see the whole interview with Tony Mowbray yesterday?

someone said it was 18mins, but the bbc only showing 6mins

hairlikespaghetti!

I like that idea of a raffle. You could even limit it to 100 tickets at £20 a go which would mean anyone buying would think they had a reasonable chance of winning.

For ebay it could be done on a buy it now option with 100 purchases available.

However if the auction raises more than £2,000 it will be worth it.

Hail Hail

Mort

Maybe BTM could consider new signings like these?

Yours in Celtic,

TB&F.

Morning All,

F5 frenzy today regarding signings ?!

Good luck to all in the Kingdom of Fife today (aka Ghods Country).

Looking at pictures of our esteemed No1 keeper in the press, is it just me or has he piled on the weight again ? I seriously fear that we have missed the boat wrt cashing in on him : How can a professional sportsman put on so much weight in only 6 weeks ?!

I love Artur but me thinks he needs to cut down on hoovering up the pies.

CHC

Right work done now for the day ......off to the gowf at lovely Aberdour !

Looking forward to some great Celtic chat for the next 12 hours or so.....and getting great value (lots of shots !!!) at the golf !

Burnley'78
Remember to get a discount on your greenfees by missing the fairways at every opportunity and playing tee - rough - green or tee - trees - loch - green for bonus points

lucky

That's my kinda golf !

hope yous get good weather for the golf today folks. It's not great over here in Beal Feirste.

Good Luck

Mort

I am not sure that there is likely to be such a big difference in financial terms between what we would be willing to pay to Fortune, & what hull are offering, as whilst hull will undoubtedly be offering more initially, they will have the standard clause in their contracts re taking a large cut if they are relegated.

If, eg, we offer £20k per week over 3/4 years, & Hull, say, £30k but with a 30/40% reduction if they go down, which frankly i think is extremely likely, then any gap between what he'd get up here & with Hull is likely to be fairly minor, & surely he'd be more likely to pick up endorsements playing for us than Hull?

centre_halves_calves,

Dead easy to pile on weight in that period of time especially if consuming lager on a grand scale. It basically stops the body breaking down any fats, which no doubt the big chap has also been taking in excess during his downtime.

Take it from one who know.

Beer Belly CSC :o)

Oh and hello to all. (Never know what time of day it is in your locale as we have so many on here from all round the globe)

pggtips,

From previous thread, no idea how you get to your conclusion from the quotes you give.

Man management requires knowledge of how different personalities tick. TM recognises that, I believe, and actively works at it.

Open, honest, direct. That's what I see in TM. In my experience, that's what people respect. Football players are no different.

Assessing Artur's mindset is his job. Telling us he is doing that let's us know that he recognises we have a player who needs managed and also lets us know he is aware that every transfer window brings suggestions of Artur leaving for bigger or better things. Either way, the common denominator is performance.

Artur knows this. He now knows the manager knows this. He now knows we know this. If he aspires to better things he needs to achieve a certain level of performance. If he achieves those levels we will allow him his wish, at a price the club considers right.

All of it depends on his performance. Which ultimately is in his own hands.

Good start Tony. Good start.

And it also tells Artur that whilst I recognise you have issues they will not stop me from dropping you for the benefit of the team as we are no longer relying on back up Brown.

U2 1888 - I think its since been established that pggtips was in fact just joking.

Penang Bhoy - Frustrating as it is, I'd imagine Hull City will have greater worldwide exposure than us and therefore more opportunity for any player to get sponsorship. You've seen the 'wall to wall' that is the EPL in Asia I'm sure. Same anywhere in Africa. The SPL is nothing like the showcase of the EPL. Plus in wages terms, remember that Hull get a seven or eight figure sum just for turning up and getting gubbed. For now, they have money to pay to players that we don't.

Great idea about the raffle, boys.

I for one would love to donate to Kanos appeal and this would give a great chance to participate.

mr angry - you sure are angry. Why do your posts tend to give the impression that you're mainly angry at Celtic supporters?

Good afternoon Bhoys

doesn't look like there is much happening today? this thing with fortune is really starting to annoy me! Has anyone one heard any tales of players we are looking at if we dont get him?

Mr Angry - when I read comments about a managers ability with the media I wonder what football supporters want these days. I don't give two damns how the manager is with the media. How is he with the players? that's the key.

Do you have one of those Mr Men T-shirts to go with your psuedonym?

FOUR!!!!

£500 rules me out of the bidding war. I leave that to the bhoys with the big wallets.

Good luck at the gowf toaday lads.

Hail Hail

MWD

Wee Green Machine - no, but i could regale you with my excellent celebrity anecdotes, such as the time I saw Dominik Diamond looking at toilet seats in B&Q.

Or the time I saw Kriss Akabusi buying a sandwich.

CQN Cycle for Kano.

Bigjock67
Mouldy67
Jonnybhoy
Falkirkbhoy
Bigsinend
MWD (me)

are now registered participants in the Pedal for Scotland event taking place on the 13th of September 2009.

We will be cycling from The Peoples Palace in Glasgow Green to Victoria Park in Edinburgh approx. 50 miles give or take a couple of hundred yards.

We will be hoping to raise a few quid in sponsorship which will be added to the Kano fund already setup. If you would like to make a donation or sponsor Team CQN Cycles for Kano per mile then please send an email detailing your donation\sponsorship per mile to: -

CQNCycleforKano@googlemail.com

No donation too small. 1p, 10p, 20p, 50p, £1, £5, £10, £20, £50, £100. We don't mind. The choice is yours.

Thanks in advance and a big Hail Hail

Thanks for your pledges so far.

Twist n Turns
TommyTwistsTommyTurns
Oldtim67
Freveranever
Bankiebhoy
TimsinNY

from all the Bhoys of CQN Cycle for Kano.

RogueLeader

No it doesn't - what if Fortune was the only player we paid money for? That would be covered by the wages from the outgoing players already.

Plus more players will leave.

I remain unconvinced until we show real interest in improving the playing squad not simply replacing numbers.

DD

wee green machine - I would guess that if we dont get Fortune we will be picking a forward line from Skippy, Sammi, big Ben, Sherri and Chris Killen

philvisreturns

It's always a bad sign when we start talking about stuff like that..lol

I once saw the Singer from system of a down..buying chips! he seemed quite confused.
I served Billy C once..he was swearing like a "very naughty person"
My Old bassist hit the lead singer from Queen adreena In the face with a Door..I laughed my ass off!

Wee Green Machine

Ally McCoist. You heard it here first. :o)

MWD

ZetaBhoy

I really Dont like the sound of that mate! I mean I would like to see the bhoy Killen get a shot but I really do think we need two new front men. (at least on out and out Striker)

Actually I was looking through the Team list yesterday it's looking quite barren!

I was hoping for a busy window but it doesn't look like thats gonna happen..Sigh!

WGM

Hello mate, did you get my message on the last thread?

Haven't been able to access myspace at all, but I WILL get back to you as soon as I do.

How you doing today?

The singer for the Dillinger Escape Plan lifted me by my arm using only one hand. Scary man.

ZetaBhoy,

Oh.

I'm feeling like the prize eejit now...

Anyhow....maybe I'll just refer Neg Anon to it. Decent chance he might have posted something similar and meant it if he was around:)

Moonbeams wet dream

I met him a couple of years ago he actually seemed quite a decent guy.

I would love to have said he was a wee naff as I really wanted to hate the guy...lol but no! he was quite decent.

Wee Green Machine

Mowbray is quoted as saying we need 3 or 4 players with no one else moving on. There is almost 2 months of the transfer window remaining. Be patient my friend BTM will get the players he needs.

bjmac

CelticSephiroth

No I didnt mate Sorry I had a wee look through but I must have missed it.

Yeah I hate Myspace, Is there any other way we could swap details?

Yeah I'm ok ..Sore throat from Recording Vocals but I'm alright, Heat is killing me thou! How are you today mate?

The guy from Filter did that to me a couple of years ago as he wanted to shake me hand for a heckle I shouted..he damn near tore off my arm!

CelticSephiroth

Actually mate..Do you have a facebook,Bebo or Faceparty account?

bjmac03

Cheers mate hows you?
yeah I had heard something about that yesterday but I didn't read it myself so wasn't sure if he had said that..Bit shocked at that I count around six places to fill! But BTM must have a plan.

But I think we need

LB
CB
RM
DM/AM playmaker
CF x2

But I know I am being WAY to hopefull...lol

WGM

I have a bebo but I look at that even less than the Myspace.

If you want to send contact details to malekandjrod@yahoo.com I'll get on top of it. I can check emails on my phone so I'll be able to get anything you send here and I can text you my mobile number.

Filter, haven't heard that name in ages. He was a reasonably big lad. The bass player from Pitchshifter gave me a lovely hug once. :^)

I'm hoping for a signing or two this week.

Wee Green Machine - Those are some impressive celebrity-spottings, I'll grant you that. But I think I can trump you with the time I saw Billy Boyd at Dino's on Sauchiehall Street.

He was buying pizza!

Mick1888

I agree with you about the money (temporarily until they are relegated) which Hull have, but I am not sure that their players are likely to see much additional income from Asia or any other sources.

Maybe someone better informed than me as to what happens can comment, but it seems to me that you'd be more likely to get eg a decent boot deal, personal appearance fees, or decent image rights, as a Celt than as one of the clubs who make up the numbers in the EPL.

For all the worldwide exposure that the EPL has, there are very few clubs who generate the interest in that league, & I have never once seen anyone walk around in asia, Australia, or elsewhere with a Hull City top on! The same could be said for 10 or more of the bottom feeders in that league.

Had my photo taken with Patrick Moore at Dublin Airport for a dare, he was totally bemused at my request for a photograph. Told him my mum was a big fan.

Also met Chris Hoy at Bangkok airport last year, real nice guy, spent a while chatting and wished me all the best on my honeymoon.

CelticSephiroth

Offt God mate tell me about it! If I get the band started again I'm going to do what I did the last time...Pay someone to take care of all that crap. I cant stand things like Myspace..I have no time for them whatso ever.

and No prob mate I'll send that e-mail In about five mins..if thats cool with you!!

and funny you should say that I was listening to W.Y.S.I.W.Y.G last night!

yeah he was a good bloke Too, So was his Brother..though I dont think He like my T2 jokes..lol

philvisreturns

Billy Boyd used to drink in Rufus T Firefly, used to see him every week when he wasn't filming anything. :^)

I once met Prince Charles outside the Gallery of Modern Art, he'd just done something at Borders and was heading to his car. Pressing the flesh. One of my friends said to him "Were you named after Chuck Norris?" He did his best to look amused.

Penang_Bhoy,

A lot more exposure week to week playing in the EPL though which is a lot of what these guys take into account when choosing.

There is in my mind no doubt which offers the best prospects for a decent career and the potential for trophies and medals rather that also rans but it comes to straight regarding cold hard cash and securing their future.

In some regards I have an element of sympathy as every game could be a players last due to injury etc. but thats the risk you take and some of the pro's I know said they would always look to secure themselves financially before letting the heart rule the head.

In part a lot of the reason why I think you hear of players wanting to play for 'insert team name' before I retire.

Flat5 , CelticSephiroth - You leave me no choice but to roll out the big guns.

I met Darth Vader and shook his hand. The actual Green Cross Code guy who appeared in the movies, in the full Darth Vader costume, at the SECC in the early 80's.

I can't remember why he was there, but I do remember I was the only little kid who didn't cry and hide behind his parent's legs.

The force is strong with this one.

philvisreturns

My Fav story is Going to a mates Birthday Party were there were people Like Barbra Rafferty and a whole host of People from things Like the Royal Shakespear com. There was and Openband Stage and they ask Me and a couple mates to play Something (it was one of the lads Birthday party)..the bad thing was the only songs we all knew, Since we were not in the same band was Nine Inch Nails Songs.

you should have seen their faces...It's one of the things I want to flash before my eyes when I die..I was Laughing for days afterwards.

WGM

WYSIWYG and Hidden Agenda were my favourite songs to dance to at the Catty when I used to go, since they were two of the few good songs they'd actually play.

Classic Grand is better, Forbes runs it now and Barry who used to work the Catty is DJing there and he likes Pitchshifter so you have your choice. Lots of dancing takes places upstairs there.

I'll certainly reply to you straight away.

I did very little in the way of Myspace and Bebo stuff for my old and current groups. It's all a little tedious for me but every little helps to get your stuff out there I suppose. I'd rather just focus on writing and playing drums. I'm hoping to be able to give your stuff a listen later today, I'll let you know what I think.

The Clayden bros are indeed top rate and very good guys to meet. I corresponded with their drummer, Jason Bowld, for a while. He's excellent and a fantastic teacher as well as being very similar in style to myself.

i'm looking forward to something new and exciting. If you listened to either of the bands I put up yesterday you'll hear that my musical background and tastes are rather varied. Just ask Bournesouprecipie on here :^)

ANYWAY, have we signed anyone yet? ;^)

philvisreturns

My friend Eddie showed me a picture of himself and Mr Prowse a few months ago, but indeed, nothing tops Vader.

When you told that story it was as though a thousand anecdotes cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

philvisreturns

If you want a laugh go on youtube and find the scenes from Star Wars featuring Vader with the original voice. The guy may have been about 7ft but his voice is camp as a row of pink tents.

"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! TAKE HER AWAY!"

CelticSephiroth - From that day on, Darth Vader joined Mister T as one of my biggest childhood role models.

I pity the fool who don't know the power of the dark side.

BigSwee,

Yep, there is certainly more exposure worldwide in the EPL, although how many people actually take much notice, or care, about the guys who play with the also rans in that league is another matter.

I am not so sure, for the reasons given in my initial post, that even looking at things in cold hard cash terms, there would be all that much difference between how much someone like Fortune would get with us & a team like Hull, although if they could somehow avoid relegation over the length of his contract, I accept that the difference would then be pretty large.

I can also accept that a pro has to take decisions with his head & secure his future before maybe taking a financially less favourable option in the future, but heck, a guy getting a basic of £1 million a year over 4 years isn't going to have to worry too much about finances unless he is a complete eejit who squanders cash left, right & centre, (in which case he'll probably do the same even with £1.5mill or more).

To me, even leaving aside my inherent bias as a Celtic fan, anyone given the option of joining us or hull City who decides to go for a few more pounds to the (temporary) EPL side is off his rocker!

I'm sure I just saw a workman heading into Celtic Park carrying a bag with a label on it saying "White Smoke Preparation Coals"..........

Wee Green Machine - I had a comparable experience one time when I sang karaoke in the style of William Shatner in a Coatbridge pub. Except I'm pretty sure my audience wanted to hurt me.

philvisreturns

Obi Wan once thought as you do. You don't know the power of my jewellery.

Lord Vader, your shuttle is ready.

I ain't goin' on no plane foo'!

Drink your milk Lord Vader.

.....you drugged me......

CelticSephiroth

Yeah I have not managed To go to that Yet it's on my to do list though but I had heard it was going well! Forbes was one of the few people involved or (should I say around) in the cathouse that I could be bothered dealing with. most of that mob just annoyed me, but when I started playing bigger shows there..it got better!

I was going through my stuff last night wonder what to let you hear since I took all the old band stuff off the Internet( I really wasnt happy with it)

I was thinking it might be better to meet you with my laptop and let you hear the new stuff. and let you make up your own mind about the stuff that way. If you were to become the drummer you would have the most scope in the band for Writing. But I can sure send you some stuff If you prefer!! I'm working on about 50 songs at the min and I need to make up my mind about which ones to use first if you get what I mean.

penang_bhoy: 12:58
"To me, even leaving aside my inherent bias as a Celtic fan, anyone given the option of joining us or hull City who decides to go for a few more pounds to the (temporary) EPL side is off his rocker! "

Could not agree more mate. No brainer

WGM

I gotta run, I'll keep checking my emails and get back to you ASAP.

CelticSephiroth

Cool mate I'm writing te E-mail as we speak..have a good day mate!

BigSwee

its a no-brainer indeed, although I am a bit concerned that there are a lot of footballers out there who seem to be lacking in the brain department ;-)

philvisreturns

Well done mate that's my kiunda sense of humour. It's also quite funny to sing every song as Bing or Dean Martin.

Well My Friday night Gubbed..my mates night out just got cancelled!
anything good on tonight?

On celebrity sightings - I once saw Claudio Cannigia and family in Dino's on Sauchiehall Street. What surprised me was that the Cannigias were heavily-laden with TK Maxx bags - I suppose he would've only been on minimum wage with TFOD at that time.

Anyway it ended up as a long-running theme on the old ETims Rumour Mill, with folk being invited to write in and let them know which 'bargain' shops Caludio had been in that week.

Been out on the beer with a few of the Star Wars crew but by far the most enjoyable to sit and have a blether with was Boba Fett. Nice fella Jeremey Bulloch. Kenny Baker is a hoot, Peter Mayhew was a bit grumpy that day. Bad hair day or some such :o) The Dancing girl from Jabba's palace, Femi Taylor was well nice.

Michael Sheard was a man on a mission. Most will remember him as Mr Bronson. Great man at a party and loved his W&DG.

All whilst wearing the Hoops as well :o)

Rogueleader. Still got the signed photies ;o)

Saddo that I am....

StarWarsCFC

Paul Hartley has signed for Bristol City according to Sky Sports

"a few more pounds"

£10K is just a shade ahead of that,

its got to be a tough dilemna for the guy,

is there anyone on here who if he had 2 similar job offers but one was £480,000 more per year than the other one would say,

"nah stuff the cash, its the glory I'm really after"

Otto - ahhhh, Cannigia - always remember spotting him in CostCo - i was behind him in the queue with a huge fridge-freezer on a flat-bed trolley, whilst he was in the queue buying the hugest packet of frozen mince you've ever seen. Nothing else, just frozen mince.

Took all my self-control to stop the fridge tipping on top of him...

Afternoon, all ...

BigSwee and penang_bhoy: on would-be signings mulling over whether or not to join the Hoops …

I would go a wee bit further and say that any player who hesitates for long over a question like "should I go to Celtic or Hull", at least when it's relatively trifling sums of money involved (and in my book that's £hundreds of thousands per year), probably shouldn't come to Celtic.

Setting aside any emotionally dubious arguments, they've really got to come here wanting to win things.

When they're in their forties and beyond, with their £4m safely in the bank (instead of the £3m they’d have earned from us) they won't be able to go out and buy a championship winner’s medal, or memories of playing in front of a packed CP on Champions League duty.

Perhaps I’m a seventy-mental old fool, but this should indeed be a “no brainer” to most football fans.

BigSwee

these are not the droids you are looking for

ZetaBhoy,

It honestly would depend on the job mate.

In my current role I have the chance to move into a new role at a better salary but I would hate the job and some of the people who I would then have to work to and with. For me that money would in no way compensate for the living hell life would then become.

BigSwee

In relation to Fortune,

do you think if Obi Wan was our chief scout he would have said

"he is not the striker you are looking for?

Paul et al,
Hope the golf goes well.
Nice touch that some of the money raised goes to the Mary Leishman Foundation - I got to know them both when I spent some time in the Kingdom about a decade ago - Mary was a great person, who always had time for everybody. Sad loss at an early age.
Big Leish had a Nelson Mandela signed SA footie top framed in his gaff. When Nelson was awarded Freedom of the city of Edinburgh, the great and the good were invited, and there was a line up to meet the great man. When it came to Jim's turn, he whipped out the top and a sharpie and asked Mandela to sign - which he duly did. Class.

Folly Folly,

And therein lays the crux. I've said on here before that the psychology of wanting to be a winner is the key and the kind of player we should be looking for. Someone who will pull us across the line to win.

Not some lazy sod who thinks well I've made it to a big club and can now sit back for the next 4 years collecting a big wage.

Professional pride and wanting to play in that jersey. :o)

Lennondinho18 :o)

Not going to get into that or we'll be swapping corny lines all afternoon........

I used to be Lennys PR Mhan a wee while ago, but making a come back just like the greatest ever away shirt!!

On that topic, does anyone know when the launch date is as I would like to get one for my sons birthday?

Mogga's going to do a great job (subject to the board backing him), as his former manager a Boro said "If I was going to the moon, I would want to take TM with me"!

Player watch, that youg lad Stevenson at Hibs would be good addtion to our defence, gets his tackles in and good passing ability, i.e. reaches team mates high %age.

Buzz Bhoy

Thats all very well - apart from the book part - but would we really want a guy who decides to stick with his old gaffer rather than take on the challenge of playing in the big league and earning £480K per year more than he would if he changed gaffers?

Not looking for an argument, just saying I can understand why he might not chose us.

Zetabhoy

Its £10k per week for one year, then probably less than we'd pay him for the next 3 years playing in the Championship;-)

Also, I don't really think you can compare what you or I would do if offered a big wage increase to football players, unless you earn way more than me! The monies these guys get, even at our salary levels, should really allow them to be set for life, & make decisions not just because of money.

By "our" I mean celtics salary level, & not, regrettably mine...

Slow day again..has someone kidnapped Paul67

BigSwee @ 1:27

Yeah, that's it: the difference between having a winning mentality and an earning mentality.

I must say I have very little sympathy for players who turn down the chance of glory (at whatever club it might be offered) in the pursuit of gold. Obviously, we should all have the right to pursue our dreams - and money figures prominently for most: who would want £2m per year when he could get £3m elsewere?

However, from the comfy position of earning what most would consider a decent living (annual) wage of around what many of our top players earn in a week, I'd say it's a bit like knowing the difference between the cost of something and its value.

I wonder, for example, what you would find were you able to measure the career satisfaction of players like Leam Miller or Simon Donnelly, to name but 2. Wealthy young men who will forever be able to boast, "See if I'd stayed at Celtic, I would have won a, b and c, but then I would only have x million in the bank"

FF

I read earlier that some1 wants to sell skippy, now thats naw very nice is it? The bhoys a pure tim. Granted - he is still learnin, but remember all the important goals he has scored for us. He is a GREAT wee goalscorer, he never gives upa

now boruc, id swear some of you want him to leave celtic and be replaced by zaluska, zaluska is behind boruc for the polish national team for a reason. Enough said.

stop hatin, start backin. . .
hail hail bhoys!

Listen awe ye Chilun,

and Loin the Facts ,fae me,

It's no the Cheerin' nor the Glory,

It's the Lolly that duz it fur Me!

Remember,the famous Woids o' Kojo.

"It's No the Principle o' the Thing..

IT'S THE MONEY!"

Maks sense tae me,

Kojo

I actually think we can do with trimming down the squad, having 11 players of great quality, 5 or 6 subs of reasonable quality and then padded out with the kids. It's the only way we're going to see if they're good enough!

Folly Folly
at 1.47

Couldn't agree with you more.

zetabhoy - i disagree

delboy67 - i totally agree

hail hail!

Do any of us think we will have ANY new signings before the week ends?????

the green & white golden eagle

Thats fine mate no problem with that, its good to be different!

No

My Random Celebrity Fitba Spot Scrapbook:

Juninho at Barrowfield driving a maroon Ford Mondeo

Ian Scanlon in Fine Fare Bellshill

Pat Jennings in Murcia Airport

Rudi Vata in Maplins Electrics, Hamilton Palace Retail Park

Mario Kempes in The Soul Suite, Wishaw

Luc Nijjholt at Hamilton Golf Range

Joos Valgaeren at St Georges Cross Underground Glasgow

Celebrity sightings

Saw Nacho, wife and the 2 weans coming out of the Italian centre last year (day after dignity beat us), the weans had dignity tracksuits on...the security guard was vigorously shaking his head in disapproval...Bit of s tramp the wee man .....

anyway talking of Italy off on hols there soon, so I would expect the following to be in place by fair Monday (looks as though the hols are timed right. its belting it down here):

- Other players who are too slow or who have no touch to be gone, Naylor and Robson on my list
- Any offer for Heid accepted
- One of the main strikers to go , probably George if Mogga can't figure out how to get him part of the team shape,
- purchases of players I have never heard of (or certainly seen) but hopefully they will have the following characteristics, not small , not slow, not very thin, good touch possibly with both feet.
- I expect Arthur and aiden to stay (unless arthur has been playing up again and Mogga needs to set an early example)....I expect Aiden to be right side or playing in the hole.....so he is a lot harder for the gloggers to pick him up.

I am expecting the ball to move through the midfield a lot faster and with a higher degree of accuracy this year, maximum touches 3 per player (preference twice then move), four touches should be a £50 fine, unless you have been put into trouble, in which case the passer is fined. Other fines will be incurred if a midfielder traps the ball, switches it to his good foot (optional spin), spots a colleague, and instead of trusting his touch, runs towards the aforementioned colleague for 20 yards and then plays a very short 10 yard ball....£100 fine for that one. Other fines for midfielders will be vacating your position and then , sprinting 30 yards to close down a full back who calmly slots the ball inside to start an attack......if the midfielder also runs in studs up and slips at the last moment then that incurs a triple fine of £150.

I am slso expecting some shots from outside the penalty box ( a sure fire way of un-nerving a packed defence a al Hibbes at the end of the season), as this is more of a collective responsibility, I would fine the entire forward line and midfield £100 each if we do not have at least 6 shots from 20 yards out, which get reasonably close and were not simply executed to avoid the fine.

In the interest of fairness, I would also fine the entire defence if at a throw in, the ball is simply knocked back to thrower and then a cheap cross comes in, its got to stop. £50 each, include the goalie.

Arthur fined for wearing black, he needs the weight off, back to yellow back man, I may need to suspend arthur's fine on the grounds of my health and safety.....Arthur could be the collector of the fines for the Christmas party night!

4 defenders marking 1 forward....manager fined!

Should be interesting the next few weeks...I wouldnt get too anxious about lack of signings at this stage, some will come in and some will go, its all down to a bit of luck the transfer game ...real key is can Mogga re-shape, speed us up, and get the various components of the team working together...at pace.

Arrivaderci

GW&G EAGLE

Signings ...who cares?

Zetbhoy

no problems, i just dont think 480k equals potential glory, medals, fame, exposure and,
a lot of money from celtic.

i know in 2days day and age things are different. But this guy hasnt proven himself or anything. He should be willing to jump through hoops to play for the hoops.

i hope the epl push through with this salary cap thingy'ma'jig. . .

then the epl would lose some of its luster, what would happen to the 'BIG LEAGUE' then, i wonder. . .

hail hail zetabhoy. . . . .

On celebrity sightings...

Met Daniel O'Donnell outside paradise a few years back, signed my tricolour that day, smaller than I expected is our Daniel.

Sat few rows behind Chic Charnley at Mordor a couple of years back, he was sporting an awful jumper (had some pink in it if I remember rightly).

DD

EK

Where in Italy are you going - I go tomorrow. Can't wait to escape rainy and thundery Glasgow :-)

Footie Celeb Spotting :-

Just back from South of France on holiday.
On the way out Simon Donnelly was on the flight and helped me with my backs at Nice Airport.

Jackie McNanamra was on the flight back.

No other celebs to report.....I wonder where Henke goes on his holidays ?

P.S my mate just got back from Krakow on Tues and he had the unfortunate pleasure of sharing the flight with Stevie Naismith on his stag night with all his drunk H*n pals.

Had to laugh as Krakow airport is called John Paul II International Airport !!!

i met brian tilsley aka chris quentin from coronation street after he did a kung fu display in a shopping centre

i also met barry from eastenders and extras in a nightclub. he was nice.

Ekbhoy 2.19pm

great post. Made me laugh (in a good way, you made sense, i like your fining system)

voguepunter 2.20pm

me, i do. . . The sooner the better. The mair days they have at lennowtown the better before the C.L. qualifiers

the green white & golden eagle @ 2:27 PM

Seeing as its quiet, yeah you could argue that point and its a good one, if he was 'celticminded' it would be a clincher. My worry though is that smack bang in the middle of a recession when everyone is going on about cashflow etc, he may be influenced (agent?) to be more cashminded. Hope not though as I suspect that BTM would want his first signing to be a good one and after going public he must be fairly certain that he can do a good job for us.

I met Philys Nelson once (had a hit with move closer)
The wind is getting up here in fife, should give the golfers something to think about

ek bhoy

your fining system is a bit extreme,but it just might work:)))))

hail hail

Bhass Bhoy @ 1:20

I think the frozen mince would have done a lot more harm than tipping the freezer on him.

53

Met Jimmy Nail, Brian Cox and Peter McDougall in a pub in Greenock when they were filming Shoot for the Sun in Greenock back in the late eighties.

Nail and McDougall were a pair of a**holes but Brian Cox was a good laugh and chatted to a few people in the bar.

Nail just wanted someone to pick a fight with him (which would be daft as he's feckin' huge!!)

Also was sitting next to the TV chief Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall on a flight back from London a few years back.
Never said much but was making the best of the free booze.

/Bishop B

Bloke _109

I'll need to ask Mrs EKBhoy south I believe..

MOnday from gatwick long story!

EKBhoy
Like your penalty system but you missed the lateral pass when you have better forward options,200 at least.
Or the Hartley pass backwards and run straight back at player you passed to negating all options but the hoof and hope.250.

Fan-a-tic

The lateral pass was considered and rejected on the grounds that it was too subjective, you would need a scrutiny committee to adjudicate who was to blame. Sometimes you need to crab sideways to prise out a better opening.

best to keep the rules fairly straightfoward, it is footballers we are talking about here.

My option of runnig with the ball and then playing a short pass (Modelled on Robson) woould also cover Hartley, I have just checked the rules on that one.

I understand that Barc fine their midfields if they touch the ball twice (it seems to move about that quickly).

I also understand that Dignity have a more radical approach, fines imposed if you do not touch your immediate opponent and make it hurt

I would be more than surprised if Monsieur Fortune does not sign for Hull City as opposed to us. The extra £10K or whatever it is will sway him. If he does sign for Celtic it will be down to his relationship with Anton Mor - nothing else.

As Celtic fans we think our great club is a magnet for footballers. It is not. It is a special thing for us as Celtic supporters. Professional footballers are - for the most part not Celtic supporters. We offer the chance of winning medals - in Scotland. The romantic in me would like to think that is important. The realist says that visiting Anfield, The Emirates, Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge with worldwide exposure plus an extra half million per year while at the same time fighting relegation will see Fortune head south.

53

I met Robert Redford in a restaurant in Dublin. I didn't immediately recognise him but pointed him out to my dining colleagues with the immortal line, "isn't that that guy out of Emmerdale Farm"?

vclxi

Shook hands with Al pacino, signed a programme of the play American buffalo he had just performed in, circa 84.

is boris becker related to bruno the famous austrian fashion reporter?

I see Skippy has been given the Captian's arm band for the Aus trip.
Not because of this but I do think we will have a new Captain this Season.

I met the Legends of frankie mcC, andy walker joe miller,
some heroes of 88,
tommy boyd and regi,
hero of 98, this paddies day at the galway vs celtic legends game. Great day oot before the bevvy started. . .

low lie, hail hail. . . . .

Lurgan53@3.18 - nail/head interface.

I think the player wie the biggest heid should always be given the arm band myself.. ;o)

Heid fur Captain!!

/Bishop B

Lurgan53

I fear that you are absolutely right in thinking that we are not as attractive to potential signings as we often think we are, & like you, wouldn't be surprised at all to see Fortune head south, but think that such a decision would be very short- sighted.

Its Hull we are talking about, & I reckon he'd get 1 season, maybe 2 if his team are again very lucky, of playing at Old trafford, Anfield, etc, & unless he gets a transfer when they go down, 2 or 3 seasons playing at such footballing hotspots as Peterborough & Scunthorpe, & presumably will play at home in front of maybe 12,000 or so.

Against that, he can play at parkhead in front of 60,000 fans; play in Europe; & win trophies. He'll also I imagine earn more with us than he would when playing in the championship, given the standard reduction in salary that is built into all the makeweights in Englands contracts.

I couldn't blame someone for going to a decent side in the EPL over us, if they offer more cash, but preferring a bottom feeder like Hull to Celtic for the sake of some extra cash in the first year, & the glory of playing against Man Utd, etc for 1, maybe 2, years is in my judgement a very poor decsion, & if fortune or anyone else wants to make that choice, frankly I think we'd be better off without that type of player in our side.

len brennan

caldwell is the most natural leader at the club,he is the number one choice for the captaincy in my opinion.

hail hail

Heid's youth was a tough upbringing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=varaAADgC84

/Bishop B

Lugan53
As you say an extra 1/2 a milllion a year for a footballer with no affiliation to celtic would be hard to turn down. I dont know what type of money he has earned in his career so far but an additional £500,000 for each year of his contract? Many wouldnt blame him

Its only an extra 500 grand a year provided Hyull are not relegated- does anyone want to bet that they won't be in the next 3/4 years?

Once sat beside Steven Spielberg and his wife Kate Capshaw (all heavily "disguised" with Baseball caps and sunglasses etc)on a bench in Eurodisney

Saw Colin Firth looking incredibly bored playing an arcade game at Glasgow airport

served numerous footballers and media luvvies in a couple of bars I worked in , but notably Terence Stamp

spoke to Lenny Henry (scraping a bit here I know) while he was about to rehearse for a gig in a glasgow nightclub while I waited for an interview.

ModernobsessionwithcelebrityisrubbishCSC

My dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,dear,friend...Lurgan53

In Home economics.. like as in everything else..one must stick to truisms.

Example.

Everyone likes to have Money.

Also that Need for Money, in order to survive,in this world..

Is A Constant Need..

Shall Loyalty and the possibility of Fame supercede this need?

The Playing Life, of a Soccer Player is comparatively a short one.

There is still a lot of Living to do..after a Player's retirement from the game.

In the Case of Mr. Fortune, it has been reported that he comes from extremely humble beginnings.

He, also, started his Soccer Career,at an uncommanly later period in his life..than the average Player

He broke into the Beautiful Game...Aged .. TWENTY ONE.

Playing in Holland, at a very low salary scale.

The actual Terms that are being offered to him, by the Rivals for his signature,at this Point in his Career, is UNKNOWN.

I believe his main interest, shall turn out to be..

THE LENGTH OF THE CONTRACT,of which he is offered.

Hull have . .again. reportedly... offered him..

A FOUR YEAR CONTRACT.

Has a similar length of Contract been offered, by Celtic?

Again, we do not Know.

Actually, in this Case we are discussing, there are far too Many Unkowns.

So.

In my opinion, from what I the little I can gather, and my knowledge of human nature..

I would be forced to Hazard a Guess..

only a Guess, mind you.

That Mr. Fortune shall opt for Financial Security, over the POSSIBILITY.. and remember, even if He were to Opt. for Celtic,

That Glory, which he is expected to Enjoy, a Celtic is by Far the More Famous Team among his possible Employers.

Is not Guaranteed, as it would relate to Him, specifically.

There is the always open Possiblity, of a Career Ending or a loss of Form, in his part.. the Possibilities are Endless, which could put paid to his Hopes for a carefree Future.

Whereas..

A GUARANTEED LONG TERM CONTRACT.. at a meaningful Higher Income with Hull..

Sure looks to me. .the Choice that He must make.

Kojo.
yer pal.. who likes ye a loat.

Celebrity name dropping, is it?

Well. I spent a very pleasant evening in Gweedore last your with Setting Free The Bears and Noel(formerly 90).

Top that ya wannabes.

*last year, not your.

I can top them all.....I met Bill Beaumont of Rugby and Question Of Sport fame in a sports shop on International Drive in Orlando (Sports Dominator it was called I think). My dad spent about half an hour yapping to he and his family.

Nice big guy.

golf update
Its now raining in fife

tomthethim

Had dinner with Pablo two weeks ago. Hah!!
Was the last manto see him alive!!

53

Lurgan53 on July 3, 2009 4:11 PM

tomthethim

Had dinner with Pablo two weeks ago. Hah!!
Was the last manto see him alive!!

Hmm. Close, but not close enough. My two legends beats your mythical one !!

marty t

i thought big bill always stayed at home.

celtic4orme: It was Emlyn Hughes' (RIP) turn to "go home" that summer.

:-)

Lurgan @ 3:18

Football's "money malaise", as I would term it, goes beyond club loyalty or affection. It's also more obvious nowadays, with the ludicrous sums on offer to young hopefuls.

As I mentioned above, even "Celtic minded" club idols go through this business of chasing ever more outrageous "wages".

I maintain that, if would-be signings need time to think about putting pen to paper for a club like Celtic (or any other similar sized club with ambition and the realistic prospect of career glory), where the sums of money involved are already beyond the dreams of avarice, they are probably not right for the club.

We need winners, not wanters.

FF

Random meetings with current and Ex Celts.

Simon Donnelly - Sainsburys, EK, a few hours ago.
Stan Varga - Comet, Tannochside .
Enrico Anonni - San Siro half time queue for cornettos.
Le Petit Merde - His Edinburgh flat.
Henrik Larsson - Showcase pictures, Coatbridge.

Meet glen hoddle in the main airport in holland on my way back from Bratislava.He was there with the wolves team,my mate said look who`s sitting there i responded oh its David Hassaloff still get slaughtered for that.Went and had a good chat with Jackie McNamara who had just left us to join wolves at the time.Reason he left Money said big bobo was paying more tax than what he had been offered.

Funny story about Bertie Auld at this years convention in Vegas.Sitting at the poker table with my celtic top on when Mr auld strolled by out of nowhere he leans right into the table and screams C,MON THE HOOPS.Just burst out laughing very funny trying to explain to the other players he was a celtic legend at SOCCER

By Estadio Nacional on July 3, 2009 4:23 PM
Random meetings with current and Ex Celts.

Le Petit Merde - His Edinburgh flat.

Estadio....you can't just leave a comment like that on the blog. TELL US MORE!!!

Oops, sorry for shouting...:)

I once bumped into Harry Hamlin & Klaus Kinski in Global Video at Bellshill Cross. It was like a 'Clash of The Titans'......

Estadio Nacional

Pretty impressive list.

But - how about this?

Met Willie McStay at last year's Ulster Final. Just as he was on his mobile to Neil Lennon who was in Portugal for a pre season friendly.

Two for the price of one!!!!!!
Sort of.

53

Our new centre half. This is the dude that was doing the rounds a few weeks ago.

http://www.teamtalk.com/football/story/0,16368,1863_5413843,00.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcrGdMMzWKo&feature=PlayList&p=1B39A65FDE6B0AD6&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8

Beat this.

Once had a venture with Mike Galloway on Lothian Road that involved a TT bar, a massive bill being ran up and Mister Galloway leaving us in the lurch to pay it.

He'd signed a deposit cheque with a pencil and it somehow got behind the bar to rub his name oot.

Nearly battered black n blue.

"Noboday likes a name dropper".

Mick Jagger told me that.

I held the pints of Neil Lennon's mates while they helped him 'chat' to an 'idiot' in a bar. I flew down to Cardiff on the same plane as Jock Brown the day we played down there, which was also the day Henrik had signed - I took a spare scarf think he'd be on the plane and he wasn't. I saw Andi Hinkel and Glenn Loovens in Buchanan Street and Craig Burley in Rutherglen Main Street. Jock Wallace once asked me directions and I accidentally sent him off in the wrong direction.

In non-football terms, those of you who were on last Sunday will know I was behind Gary Numan in a queue in Copenhagen Airport that morning. He has the tallest 'syrupa' I have ever seen.

I will repeat what I said a couple of days ago.
A footballer who through greed or stupidity would, for 'a few dollars more', choose Hull over Celtic ( IE.. choose certain non-achievement over the chance to become a football LEGEND ), does not deserve to be given the choice.
It is not as though he was choosing poverty over affluence.
Either choice will bring him all the wealth any reasonable man would need or want.
In fact, taking the short-term lower paid offer with Celtic is more likely to INCREASE his ultimate FORTUNE.
The Good Book poses the question,..' What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world,..& suffers the loss of his SOUL ?'
In this case, at 27 years old, it should read,...' suffers the loss of his SOLE chance of becoming an IMMORTAL '.

I know someone who in the early Seventies offered water to Jimmy J in a paper cup when he was opening a garage near her home in Cathcart on a boiling hot day. He took a drink and handed it back with thanks. She still has that cup and i know her.

Kilbowie Kelt - what if a player chooses Hull because he desires to be challenged week in/week out at the highest level and views that as a greater reward than winning medals, because lets face you'll get far more opportunities to play against the best players if you're in the EPL than you will at Celtic. Maybe he has no desire to become an idol, he just wants to challenged in his work.

Weeronn

After the dirty deed (he was with Falkirk at the time), Saturday morning and hung over, went with mate who had family links to him.

Went to pick up tickets for the away end in the Glasgow derby the next day 3-3 (1995).

Due to the situation I couldnt raise a few questions;)

EN

Estadio, so you took the tickets and bolted? Good choice.....:)

gave up on the star spotting. i was at ibrox watching celtic v falkirk in scottish cup. this guy sitting next to me who i thought i knew from somewhere. it bugged me mad for about 15 minutes until i could wait no longer. so i leaned over and said to him, i think i worked with you on a building site somewhere. he looks at me a little strangely and told me that he was alan mc manus, the snooker player. still cring all these years later.

Weeronn

Yip. I was surprised to find he had got the tickets through one of the players who played for Celtic that day. It would be wrong to name him, sorry.

I forgot the meeting I regret most, when I stayed in Uddingston I noticed my one time hero George McCluskey was a taxi driver. So after years of idolising him I started phoning that taxi company any time I needed a taxi, usually with half cut requests 'can I get george?'
Anyway one day on the way home from work I needed a taxi, who do I get but George, I was star struck, he was listening to a football radio show so I didnt want to interupt the greatman, I just left him a big tip. I really should have spoke to him.

EN

i remember playing against a polbeth pub team that mike galloway managed, after a few choice words, i offered to knock his head in, after the match, the changing room was fun, a bigger more disrespectful football coach i have never seen, i mean how dare he antagonise me, the best pub player in the village. !!!!!!

so yes, i would have battered a former celtic player, but you got to admit, not all are saints.........

Like a few other posters Im out of the bidding for the great auction in Pauls headliner, so I hope no one minds me posting this, but In addition to the charities highlighted here today (£510.00 current highest bid)

Other good causes have also got some great things running.

Bid for a signed player spec. Seville top signed by team and management.

Raffle for Signed Martin O'Neill painting

Name droppers the lot of ya (Worzal Gummage & Aunt Sally)!

Does anyone know when the Bumble Bee jersey Mark II will be launched?

Buzz Bhoy

Estadio - could you imagine a modern day player driving taxis after their career has finished?

Buzzbhoy.

20/08/09. You can pre-order it on the offical site.

http://www.kitbag.com/stores/celtic/products/kit_selector.aspx?selector=65&portal=V9KK6LM7

Mr C

roberttressell

I cant rememebr seeing a Baby Bentley being used as a taxi ;)

EN

Sat at a table next to Tom Boyd and his young family (6 years ago or so?) in a 'Brewers fayre' type place at Kittochside, EK way.
I am far too polite to interupt a guy who I don't know at his dinner but I wish I had at least thanked him for his services to Celtic. (Besides, my dad got me his autograph at a charity do in Motherwell in Tom's playing days!)

Also bumped in to Marc Reiper outside the Europa hotel, Belfast, before a Denmark International (at the time Morten Weighorst was ill). Pure coincidence I had just been in to the Celtic shop and bought my Baby son a bib which Marc kindly signed. A nice guy.

Non Celtic related I was about 2 foot away from Pope John Paul II many moons ago. Breaks my heart to this day that he never shook my hand. He obviously had me sussed!

Weeminger, I hear what you are saying.
It is all in the eye of the beholder.
Personally, I would have thought that the prospect of regular European football & the opportunity to win trophies in front of a regular 60,000 crowd, is a no-brainer against a constant struggle for survival at a club with no real chance of EPL success or any prospect of European football.

Good luck.

Is the blog broken or is everyone watching BBLB?

Weeminger Hull and Burnley are the two outstanding candidates for the drop next season. What then and does Mr Fortune factor this in. I honestly dont know what weight he gives to the various factors but I think if we dont get him we get someone else and there is no major damage.

Michele Cocozza

I think theres a few watching Andy Murray's semi.

EN

Think a few of the regular posters are at the golf.

EN. Too many comments mate...

Used a urinal betweem Joos Valgaaren and Stan Varga before we all got on the team plane out to Brussals! Sorry to lower the tone! I won a View competition (for the trip, not the toilet).

Another time, walked past the only flash hotel in Teplice, we saw Chic Young's daft face and went in thinking some of the fans might be in (night before the game). Went through to wee lounge off main bar and there were Henrik, Stan Varga, Petrov, Sutton and John Robertson playing cards in one corner and MON chatting with Lubo in another corner.

We sat in the middle of them and behaved ourselves.

By Estadio Nacional on July 3, 2009 5:25 PM

Estadio, as a matter of fact, I was chatting with George a couple of weeks ago in Vegas. Your name never came up....:)

Murray only a few points away from becoming "The Dour Scot"

53

Oops, there's always next year...

Mr C

£20,000 for Wimbledon final tickets? oouch.

Another masterstroke from Alex Ferguson. Owen on a two year deal. Nothing to lose out of this.

WGS - definitely confirmed then? he's a wily character that SAF. win-win situation all round. Owen will be desperate to prove a point after years at that renowned football graveyard Newcastle

wgs 4.51

cheers mate . thats the very fellow i was on about .just what we need. go get him tony .

Owen snubs Celtic

I've never met anybody ever.

Boohoo.

MWD

Lurgan53
Two for the price of one, eh?
Billy Connolly told me Elvis was dead.

Scotland Today earlier claimed Skippy will skipper Celtic against the Roar.

Bloke_109

http://www.celticfc.net/news/stories/news_030709145818.aspx

WGS

It depends on what his basic wage is, if the basic wage is low it could be a decent signing.

Theres talk that Owen has cost Newcastle around £40m in the fee paid to Real Madrid (£16m) and wages, are Newcaslte not for sale at around that amount?

EN

I did an event at a kids party in North London, turned out it was an Arsenal first team player's kid. 90% of the first team were there. One of the other attendees, big mate of Aliadiere was very forthcoming with info about the fall out between GS and young Jeremie. Seems GS was asking how he and his wee woman were settling in and JA took offence that he was asking after his bint instead of picking him.......goodbye JA.
I must also add that the players were well mannered and a credit to their team, there's nothing worse than meeting your heroes (not mine you understand) and they turn out to be obnoxious tw**s. Believe me I met one Celtic "hero" who turned out to be that!

Just heard CFC have booked Rosshall. I believe it is a big signing

johnbay

booked rosshall to do what?

johnbay

that's an interesting statement to make at this time of the evening.....any ideas who the lucky guy might be?

mwd
hopefully a medical (nothing more}

pjdali
dont know who it is- working on it. Makes sense- Laptop loyals tomorrow all about tennis Murray. Sunday - CFC new signing

johnbay

didn't realise you could book out a whole private hospital.

sorry mate. just in a wee cheeky mood.

that's me heading up crooky road now.

i'll sit in the Pines beer garden under a brolly and report all comings and goings.

on second thoughts I think I will just sit here and watch...

lets see...

air ambulance pilots and docs.

MWD

Moonbeams wet dream.

Is the Pines not a hun pub?

mwd
You know what they say Sarcasm etc.
Dont you want that feel good factor

MWD

You said earlier you don't know anyone... now's your chance. Get thee up (down, across, alang) to Ross Hall and be the first to meet the new signing! It might not trump Gary Numan in Copenhagen Airport or Connolly telling you Elvis is deid or even being in Judas' flat, but it'll be up there * :-)

* (on the proviso that johnbay is a teller of the truth, which he is)

johnbay,

big signing you say, will it not be Fortune??

MWD

Might be best if you get the bicycle clips on and rattle up 6 or 7 miles.

Just a thought :-)

The Sun has just this minute came out on the south side of Glasgow.

Does this herald the arrival of Ross Hall.

Who did This Ross guy play for anyway?

johnbay on July 3, 2009 7:30 PM

Booked for tonight?

Good humour on the blog tonight. Long may it last.
Is it because all the happy clappers/mine shafters are out playing golf, leaving only us happy shafters?
(are you allowed to say that?)

Mick,

no, mixed. used to be more of a tim pub until the Thomsons left an took over a pub in Paisley + the Crooky and now the golf Lounge on West Goerge St (that's the sons though). Still a good few tims drink in there although most decanted to the Crooky or the Argosy after the Thomsons sold up.

Block_109

if only I could be bothered with star searching. nane of them pay my ruddy mortgage. :o) You sure about Johnbay?

I did meet Billy McNeil, Roy Aitken and TB at Butlins when I was a nipper playing in the final of a five-a-side tourney. I was a keeper and saved a shot from TB who was having a kick about with Roy Aitken pre the final i was playing in. Oh yeah and my team won.

Also met Goerge McCluskey & Tommy Burns again the year after at Bellahoiuston Park the day PJP came to visit. They were in the same pen as my family. That day I also climbed a tree to watch as PJP went by in his big white PJP mobile as it toured around the park pre the mass. There I was sitting on the tree as PJP went by ain his big white mobile about 2 yards from. looke me straight in the eye, laughed and waved. Will never forget that day for many reasons but the main one being that I revieved the worst sunburn I can ever remember. I still feel the pain when I think aboot it. I was 11 back then.

MWD

Bhoys 'r us,

I'm actually a Mine Clapper. Which sounds a wee bit painful

Twist n Turns

If only I could. think I have done the cartlidge on my right knee.

Can walk no problem without pain.
Can tap my knee and feel nyada.
But when I walk up or down stairs or cycle, anything that means bending my knee while putting pressure on it and it feels like Atila the Hun is pushing a sword through my knee from the inside oot. Agony. Still expect to do the 50 miles no probs in September though. If not then I'll buy one of those buggies and attached it to Jonnybhoy's bike and he can pull me along.

MWD

I'm a clappy minor.

MWD

Sounds more like tendonitis, given your description. Especially common in cyclists (and skiers)

Moonbeams wet dream.
Does that mean you belt the weans?

Johnbay

Is it for John Kennedy and Mark Wilson?

A Lee

Happy shafter and Mine Clapper - all very well. The 'non-golf clique' sounds a bit too obvious.

Be funny though if one of the 'non-golf clique' gets a scoop on a signing while the 'golf clique' are all nineteenth-holing it. Someone better phone Aberdour if there is a scoop. Reverse the charges mind.

In slightly related news - anybody remember the photo of a guy supposedly entering Celtic Park, think it was late summer last year? Looked a bit like Sylvain Distin? Not resurrecting it, but he's just gone into the last year of his contract... any new pictures of him :-)

bhoys'r'us

only when they don't do what they are told. :o)

Twist n Turns

so whats the cure.

canny take Ibroprofen as I have a dodgey Helicobater thingy virus in my stomache which inflames when I touch it.

Paracetomol doen't hit the spot and Co-codomol just knocks me senseless.

MWD

Bloke 109

Just In

http://images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&q=Sylvain+Distin&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=6FdOSovnD4usjAfE0NS3BQ&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4

Love

Once met Prince Andrew in Lurgan Park, my aunt was a councillor so she needed someone to accompany her and being the only male in the family with a suit and/or not out on bail got chosen, frightened the bejeesus out of the DUP Mayor when I explained there where 3 helicopters for security reasons and that they swapped positions whilst in flight to combat potential attacks by SAMS. His face was a picture as he realised he was talking to a tim.

For the record I was the first to pose the question "is a mineshafter with happyclapper tendancies a Happy Shafter or a Clappy Miner?"

You'll need to get an anti inflammatory drug from the doc (one that is suitable obviously) and physio also helps.

(Byrraway..ahm no a doacter, naw I goat in some soapy fur that afore!!)

My daughter is in just now and she's a nurse.....

...and rest it says the lady...best get it checked out though

Evening all.

I hear some Scot (dour) lost at tennis.
WGS is crying over missed opportunities.

We signed Janko yet?

Arthur Lee

Ha - cheers. That's it then, Distin is on his way. your own team? :-)

TnT currently resting it.

Drinking a wee glass of Merlot and not moving is just what the doctor ordered.

MWD

MWD

Daughter says she has obviously wasted 4 years at Uni, coz she didnae ken that red wine helped tendonitis, although she says (might be winding me up) I should have a glass every week as it helps prevent Alzheimers!

'same stuff different transfer window.'

I was asked to post this for
a chap who cannot be here just now as he
is on his holibags.

Hi all,new poster here, just thought id say hi to all.

whitedoghunch

how good would it feel if it were

'same transfer window different stuff.'

MWD

bilbo1888

hi

MWD

Hi Bilbo

welcome

If you haven't paid your registration fee you just post a cheque for £50 to me and MWD and that's you a member.

Easy as that :-)

Bilbo1888,
welcome...

cheers mwd,

just been reading posts, got the same helicobactor virus, so the doc says!

i see portsmouth have threw their hat into the fortune ring!

nice on twist and turns:) and wot kind of cheque do u require? i can give you a possil cheque if u want:)

Bilbo 1888 Welcome

Do you know any of these new posters.

http://www.allposters.co.uk/gallery.asp?aid=1629062913&startat=%2Fland%2FSEM%2Fuk%2Fposters%5F02&DestType=2&Referrer%20=http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=a+new+poster&meta=&lang=100

Johnbay may be on to something checked the ross hall website

Ross Hall Hospital in Glasgow is part of BM
HealthcareBritain'sleading provider of independent healthcare with nearly sixty hospitals nationwide performing more complex surgery than any other private healthcare provider in the country. Our commitment is to quality and value, providing facilities for advanced surgical procedures together with friendly, professional care.

Ross Hall Hospital has 101 beds with all rooms offering the privacy and comfort of en-suite facilities, satellite TV and telephone. The hospital has four theatres, one minor procedures theatre, five bed intensive care unit and a high dependency unit.

These facilities combined with the latest in technology and on-site support services, enable our consultants to undertake a wide range of procedures from routine investigations to complex surgery. This specialist expertise is supported by caring and professional medical staff, with dedicated nursing teams and Resident Medical Officers on duty 24 hours a day, providing care within a friendly and comfortable environment.
The hospital is also famous for its bookings on a friday the by the greatly admired scottish football team Celtic FC when it is about to give white smoke to its supporters of an imminent signing by the club

Bilbo, Welcome.

WDH, tell him to get on and enjoy his holibags. Ther's plenty of time for grumping when he gets back to the mine :-)

Lubo.

Don't you just get a warm glow whenever we enter the Ross Hall season.

Welcome bilbo1888

Just watch your language, no dirty jokes, don't get into arguments with Awe Naw etc.and Camalar and don't even think about telling us which (im)famous people you have met.

Apart from that, almost anything goes.

I think we should spread rumours about the golfers.

53

There was a new member called Bilbo,
Who logged on to join in the thrill o'
Finding out who was to next,
To become a hero to the tic's,
But as yet was still in limbo

* or even Canamalar.

MWD - I had a similar problem. Hurts right at the top of the kneecap when I bend and apply pressure. I think Nadal also has the same problem - note link to the tennis :)

Got it checked out by specialist at Ross Hall - note link to new signing :) - who said that the MRI showed "something" but did not make him reach for his scalpel.

Referred me to physio. 6 weeks later it was almost better. Physio then gave me the all clear to start exercising again.

Went on an SFA coaching course and had to participate in the game scenarios (five-a-side style) and jiggered it again. Worse than ever.

Methinks only rest will cure it now.

Thinking of advertising for an Au Pair.

Just working on the advert at the minute.

Not easy, not easy at all.

I mean, trying to word it in a way that only "suitable" (nudge nudge) candidates need apply.

Kin ye say "nae grunters"? Is that discrimination?

Bilbo

Welcome.

Dont raise your voice
No punching above the head
Dont antagonise Donegal Danny
No links to drum and bass
Dont drink and blog

Thats the rundown.I'll keep an eye out for you.

BP

And if I did say "nae grunters"..who wid complain?.

Cos if ye think aboot it, if someone complains, it's tantamount to admitting they're a grunter. Yes?

Off Topic

Was anyone at Hampden to see AC\DC. I thought they were awesome... :}

Golf eh...

A woman golfer suffered a nasty Bee sting. She left the course to go see her doctor about it.

"What happened?" asked the doctor.

"I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer.

"You must have an really wide stance" The doctor replied.

I'll get me coat!!!

Lubo.

Twists and Turns,

I do not think you should use the "nae Grunters" line in your ad.

What about, "preference will be given to candidates who are not visagely challenged"

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car
> dealership...
>
> Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the
> wind blowing through his grey hair 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew
> down the A69, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.
>
> Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue
> lights flashing and siren b
> laring.
>
> 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as
> he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then
>
> 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old
> for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and
> waited for the police car to catch up with him.
>
> Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's
> side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in
> 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you
> can give me a reason that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
>
> The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied,'Years
> ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her
> back.'
>
> 'Have a nice day, Sir,' said the policeman.
>

Just in Have I missed anything ?

Bilbo welcome and hail hail!

twist n turns

ha ha ha.

is Mr TnT OK with no grunters.

I always find grunters are more open and friendly. Get em beer goggles on and you'll be OK.

MWD

im glad to say the bid is now £570 for the 2 tickets mentioned in the blog:)

welcome bilbo

Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What’s your handicap?"

"Oh, I’m a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"

jv

Thats certainly a wee bit mair tactful.

You really do have to be careful, things can be misconstrued. Once before, when I was spending the night in a hotel, I was lying on the bed stark naked, and the cleaner came in .........................................................................................eventually

TnT

obviously meant to ay Mrs TnT. That Freud ghuy keeps slipping all the time.

MWD

Talking earlier about people we meet

Took the wife to barcelona for May weekend after we had put them out of eufa cup.
Found ourselves at restaurants down at beach,sits down,very nice,look at menu "haud oan " that geezer looks like Patrick kluivert ,wifes says who? I Says the guys a legend ,finds out its his place . Ends up getting my photo with him ,sits next to my picture with me and wee lennie in my office.

I know why Ross Hall has been booked....

Helicobactor, Im told I have it as well.

Good of the club to book us in for it, well its that or pre-season madness.

EN

jvoh 67

I think 'cosmetically challenged' is the phrase one seeks :-).

Has Fortune said Yea or Nea to us? Does anyone know?

Twists n turns, hows about

We desperatly need an Au Pair,
She need ,
She needs to have a big heart,
We don't mind if shes a tart,
Just as long as she's not a bear.

Jack Jacobs was one day poking through his wife Suzie’s bureau when he came across 2 golf balls and £5,000 in cash. He just didn’t know what to make of these, so he confronted Suzie with this evidence. “You don’t even play golf!”
“I know dear.” Suzie said. “We’ve had some difficult times during our marriage and - well - there were other men. Each time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in that drawer to remind me of my error.”
“I see,” replied Jack. “That explains the 2 golf balls. What about the £5,000?”
“Oh,” beamed Suzie, “every time I collected a dozen golf balls, I sold them.”

MWD

I work down south so Mrs TNT only sees me once every few weeks. I have a place in Shropshire, and one in Scotland, where she lives (works in Scotland) so, Mrs TnT won't be involved in the interview process!

Sadie's Bhoy

Well said sir, very well put.

SadiesBhoy.

Don't know nut there was a YIube video of him doing that silly disco thing after scoring for WBA. It should be a clause in any contract that he is forbidden to do that at CP.

KeepdiscodancingfortheDiscos . CSC

as a mark of respect for Wacko Jacko thousands of weirdos will be putting on over the top outfits and white gloves and will mince up and down Airdrie on the 12th July...

TnT

Mrs TnT probably has a guru at home when you are playing away.

MWD

Do we know who won the golf?

Surely in this time of great technical advances in comunications we can email/text/phone someone in South Queensferry to send a messenger pigeon over to Fife for news?

Shatner,
thanks for that, works on a couple of levels!

I'm in full flow now...

What sounds best? Bunny or rabbit?

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

What about some Nacho Novo jokes. I'll start

What is the difference between nacho Novo and a bucket of S**T

The Bucket

"What would you do if I suddenly died, Maurice?" says Sadie, "Would you marry again?"
"No, Sadie, definitely not," replies Maurice.
"Why ever not?" says Sadie. "Don't you like being married?"
"You know I do," replies Maurice.
"Then why do you say you wouldn't get married again?" asks Sadie.
"OK, Sadie, I was wrong," replies Maurice, trying to end the conversation, "Yes, I would get married again."
Sadie then puts on a sad look and continues his ‘interrogation’. "You really would re-marry?"
Maurice doesn’t answer this but just groans very quietly.
"So would you live with her in … our house?" asks Sadie.
"Why not?" replies Maurice, beginning to enjoy himself, "it’s paid for, there’s no outstanding mortgage."
"And would you take my photos out of our silver frames and replace them with her photos?" asks Sadie.
"Yes, why not," replies Maurice, "that would seem like the correct thing to do."
"And would you sleep with her in our marital bed, where we conceived our children?" asks Sadie.
"So where else do you think we would sleep?" replies Maurice.
"And would she use my golf clubs?" asks Sadie.
"Oh no," replies Maurice, "she's left-handed."
Silence fills the air, then …"Oh, sh*t," says Maurice.

MWD

"Mrs TnT probably has a guru at home when you are playing away"

I doubt that very much. She wouldn't have the time, since she must be sending all her time doing DIY courses. I mean,what other reasons could there be to explain that when I go home, the garden is always lovely, new interior doors hung, new bathroom suite installed. Bejeezus, the car was even fixed on my last visit.

Lurgan

When I was a young boy, my late father told me about his mate who was invited to a Council reception in Coatbridge Town Hall. One of the toadies told the assembled company 'Do you know that one of you is drinking out of the same cup that The Queen drank out of when she visited the Town Hall in 1958. His mate piped up 'Well I hope you bloody well washed it then'.

Earl won first prize at a Father's Day tournament which was an envelope.

When he opened the envelope, he was very surprised to find a voucher for a free visit to a brothel. He had never been to one before but he decided to go the next day even though he was very nervous.

The girls were very friendly and soon he found a lovely young lady and went with her to her room.

Five minutes later, she came running to the Madam and asked,

"Can you tell me what a Mulligan is?"

Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

Ulster-Celt

T n T

Self depricating humour is the best. And your post is the best.

P.s. my wife keeps complaining about being unfullfilled. Can you get your wife to send her details of her DIY courses.

MonnbeamsWetDream

Stop telling stories about me. I told you that in confidence! :-)

SadiesBhoy

Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, is it only me that hopes Martin Bashir interviews Nacho next.............

Lads,

I know there are a load of Muso's on here, but anyway, I'm listening to an album a bloke in work gave me by a guy called Bon Iver. If you get the chance gie it a listen its great.

Shartners syrup

here's Mrs TnT's DIY for women

MWD

Shatner

Mrs TnT is great but she does say some odd things. I don't think she's the brightest.

I mean, as an example, I said to her last month

"I can't remember the last time you ebjoyed sex"

and she said

"why should you, ye wurny there"

I mean, how thick is that?

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing

Ben Hogan

I see Some jokes about Novo I was really hoping that wee sod would be off this Window! Always seems to haunt us..

Guy walks into a cocktail bar

he was alright, just a bit shaken.

waitingforwhitesmokeCSC

fellow hoops

anyone with any tips on decent places to visit in or near Roda c
Corfu?

thanks

M

Hardly topical, but my favourite daft kids joke remains;

2 snowmen in a field and one says to the other "Can you smell carrots"?

Shatner/Twists and Turns

I went tae the Doctors, I came home, said to the wife, listen hen the Doctor says I,ve got to have sex 10 time a month or I'll die, she said, och put me down for two

jvoh67

just for you.

Bon Iver - stacks

great voice.

if you like him you will also like

Scott Mathews - plenty to listen to on his website here

MWD

Ach I'm gonny pour a drink. Promised myself I'd be at the gym at 8am tomorrow, but..................

T n T,
They are indeed funny creatures.

Alhough I remember the first time I stripped off in front of her.

She said, looking at my naked splendour, "And who are you going to satisfy with that!".

As I approached her, I replied "Me!".

Cardinal Nicklaus

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation.

"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match."

The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.

We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres....we can't lose!"

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.

"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second!?" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres!!??"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Palmer."

Shatners

LOL

shatners and TnT

tears rolling down my cheeks now.

MWD

MWD

Cheers, Scott Mathews sounds good, I will listen to some more of his stuff,

jvoh67

So I took my cross eyed rottwieller to the vets today.

The vet picked him up to look at him and said "I'm going to have to put him down!".

"What", I said, "Just because he is cross eyed!!"

"No", replied the Vet. "Because he's too bloody heavy".

I feel like I'm in an episode of '70's show 'The Commedians'. I can almost feel the crushed purple velvet bow tie round my neck.

MWD

Cheers, Scott Mathews sounds good, I will listen to some more of his stuff,

jvoh67

jvoh67

there are a few vids on that site too.

I saw him live only a couple of weeks ago in OranMor.

Absolutely outstanding solo accoustic gig. Brilliantly talented singer songwriter.

MWD

BILBO 1888

Take your helicobactor virus to another site and don't bring it back until Helicobactor Sunday next season.:-)

SadiesBhoy

Helicobactor Sunday.

Superb.

I've just opened a bottle of wine I got from Tesco called "Promenade des Papes". I wonder if thats ever been on sale at the Ibrox suite.

who invented camping???????????????

Henry the 10th

Shatners, nae googling, I;ll go first, the comedians

Charlie Williams, Duggie Broon and Jim Bowen..there's 3 furra start

what do ya call a man with no shins?

Tony

owen on July 3, 2009 8:14 PM
'For the record I was the first to pose the question "is a mineshafter with happyclapper tendancies a Happy Shafter or a Clappy Miner?"'

Is that not an example of cognitive dissonance?

ken goodwin.

Last Joke | Next Joke

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. "In most parts of the USA we cannot play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring," the American said.

"Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold are no object to us," said the Scot.

"Well, what do you do; paint your balls black," asked the American.

"No", said the Scot "we just put on an extra sweater or two

stan boardman?

Bernard Manning...wiz that guy who used to do "Noddy drunk" oan the comedians

Masty

2 guid wans...Boardman n Goodwin! Wouldn't have remembered them...Roy Walker

My wife just asked me to stop using my lappy.

Right who told her?

frank carson

TNT

Frank Carson And Mike Reid ( not the Dj) runaround fame gggggggooo

mike reid?

TRIIIIIFFFIC!

Tam o Connor?

LENNY BENNETT

THE GUY WITH THE BALDY HEID AND LONG HAIR?....MICK MILLER.

i know you shouldnt find it funny...

but is anyone watching john from galasheils the tourettes sufferer on bbc3?

i am in tears watching it!

Here is the type of one liner we all wish we could deliver:

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio concerning guns and children.

This is a portion of an American National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female interviewer and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We' re going to teach the Boy Scouts climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

the compere..crompton his second name was...man i loved that programme

on bhaf o cmitee

masty

Colin?

mr lee,
i thank you

The wheeltappers and ???? social club!

Just back from a mad dash to the SPAR for a bottle of wine, didnae realise it was so close to 10 o'clock.

Right, members of the comedians, think they must have all been done by now.

I only remember it from those '90's programmes on Channel 4 about the seventies.

And I think all the heavyweights have been covered in the time it took me to waddle along (at a nervous pace) to get to the SPAR for 10 o clock and (after getting there in time) a dandy smug meander to get back.

Most of those guys went on to present quiz shows (Jim Bowen, Lenny Bennett, Roy Walker), but none can hold a light to Johnny Beattie and "NOW YOU SEE IT...".

TnT,
SHUNTERS?

bilbo1888

Hi right back at ya!

TnT, Shantners Syrup et al, have I missed a some amazing news as the my fellow happy clappers have cleary taken taken over the asylum! Keep 'em coming

cta! (or on this thread; click the bid)

ctb!

Sheps Banjo Boys?

mick miller

knock at the door, son answers

SON; Dad there is a man at the door with a bald head
DAD; Tell him I'v got one

Corny but always brings a smile

Amaury Bischoff, being released by Arsenal, Portuguese Under-21 midfielder

Tim

where did ye drag that yin up fae...remember them well

Man says to his wife: ‘Pack your bags, I’ve won the pools.’
She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’
He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and f*** off.’

BM the king of kings

OK, remove 'a','the' & the second 'taken' from above to help make a coherent sentance

ctb!

helpmespeelchequercsc

And another thing,

If '70 Generation Game pin up Isla Sinclair had married Barry White, then got divorced and then married Brian Ferry,

Would she have been known as Isla White Ferry?

That's the second bottle just kicking in. . .

TnT

Maybe after we hump them at Ibrox we could have Moggas Banjo Bhoys?

what if whoopi golberg married peter cushion..that would make her a whoopi cushion..

So Woody Allen,

He married Natalie Wood,

then got divorced and married Gregory Peck ( in a civil ceremony),

then got divorced and married Ben Hur (in a strange, epic film type thing???)

He would then be Woody Wood-Peck-Hur

Another great program from the late 60's early 70's
Reigning champions are Dumfermline. Celtic won it in 1970.
Should be brought back, can you imagine Bazza and Boydy on the rangers team

http://www.btinternet.com/~m.d.pratesi/mp/quizballindex.html

Shatners syrup ,
gies a break

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
His mate whips out his mobile and calls 999. He gasps to the operator: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a soothing voice says: "Take it easy. I can help. First, make sure he's dead."
There's silence, then a gunshot rings out.
The hunter's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

bhoy on mastermind .

magnus. contestant what would you like to answer questions on .

contestant. famous people and famous sayings .

magnus .ok you have two mins famous people famous sayings . your time starts now .

who said we will fight them on the beaches .

contestant. winston churchill.

magnus correct .

who said. i have a dream .

contestant martin luther king.

magnus correct .

who said. we shall return.

contestant general mcarthur.

magnus correct .

who said. but before magnus could ask the question. there was an almighty bang in the studio. and magnus says .what the hell was that .

contestant . the mayor of hiroshima.

Inkybhoy,

I think we are interested in Bischoff. Liam tipped Tony off.

A not too bright chap applies for a position as a blacksmith and gets an interview. When asked if he has any experience of shoeing horses he says, "No, but i did once tell a donkey to f off!"

I used to get paranoid because I just knew Family Fortunes didnae really "ask 100 people". My claim was regularly dismissed as nonsense by my family.

Every week, I would refute their answers as unbelievabe. "Where are they finding these 100 oddballs" twisty would ask. "That's jist no real answers"

My brother was equally adamant that they were in fact true.

"Why wid thae make the answers up? Easier just to ask 100 people"

Until, "their survey" blundered with this gem;

"We asked 100 people, name something a Scotsman wears"?

And I was straight in there.."gotta be at least 95 for kilt says I, jist gotta be, in fact it'd be probably 100 oot 100 furra kilt, winnit bro, winnit ma"?

And the first contestant answers "A kilt"

"Kilt, let's see if it's up there" says Boab Monkhoose.

"Lets see if its up there!!!!!!!!", says me,"of course it's there, 97 at least"

Boab "Is kilt up there"

Ping - 44. Clapping in the audience.

Well, I'm in full flow now. "44? Forty f*** four? How can it only be 44? Dae yez believe me noo then? I wiz right, ah telt yez eh"

Brother gutted......still gutted actually and he's in his mid fifties noo..hey hey..

(and no, I canny remember the other answers)

Dont try and pull the wool over twisty's eyes

How does Teflon stick to the pan

InkyBhoy,

Don't know for sure we are interested, but apparently mentioned him to Tony. Is Bischoff not a bit injurt prone?

A topical joke for the weekend,

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure in a black wet suit.

Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?'

'Ten years' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
'Faith and begorrah,' said the castaway, 'that is so good!
I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'
'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?' asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.'

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. '

'Tis nectar of the gods!' shouted the Irishman. ' 'Tis truly fantastic!!!'
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?'

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, 'Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!'

The Spirit of Arthur Lee,

Why is there only one monopolies commision?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

why is a wrong number never engaged?

Why do gypsies insist on being called "travellers" but complain when they get asked to move on?

Its been years since I went to 'An Empty' but this is up there with the best of them, some genuine laugh out loud moments toady, pre season is coming along nicely.

Pauloantony

Shocking ;) Saw the original programme about that boy. I was at school at the time but the whole of Scotland must have stayed in that night. Everybody saw that documentary.

People with Tourettes?

I wonder what makes them tick.

EN

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you

No tourettes jokes please. Twisty's twin brother Twitchy has tourettes, so please...

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

A J.Ross special,

Scientists have discovered a brand new element. It's dense, unstable and collapses every 20mins. They haven't named it yet, but I'm suggesting Kerry Katonium.

Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.

Tis a pity Angus Podgornay couldn't beat Andy Roddick today.

Here are todays highlights, Worth watching from the start, but

The Scotsman makes his appearance round about the 3 minute mark.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMCNltgrs1U&feature=related

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I found out I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

The worlds best doctor answers your questions...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Boycott Shampoo......demand the real poo

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home

As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat. - Ron Atkinson

A gut gets shipwrecked on a deserted island with the only other survivors being a pig and an alsatian dug.

After 6 months the guy starts to take a fancy to the pig but every time he makes an approach the dug starts to growl. Some weeks later a beautiful woman is washed up on the beach. The guy gives her mouth-to-mouth and eventually revives her. The woman says "I'm so grateful to you for saving my life, I'll do anything you want."
The guy replies,"Can you take that f=*?ing dog for a walk?"

LN7

tears streaming again.

MWD

I found out I was dyslexic,

when I sold my soul to santa

Oh dear
For 'Gut' read 'guy'. Strong drink has ben taken.

Incidently your posting these jokes quicker than I can cut and paste them! I'm having a brilliant night. Keep up thr good work guys.

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best

A bloke buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. 'Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods He spends all day humping the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

I found out how hard it was to be dyslexic when I

Held up a off sales with a gnu

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -----Mae West

Do infants enjoy Infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

A pompous Unionist making a tub-thumping speech at a rally in Belfast.

'I was born a Rangers man, I live as a Rangers man, and I shall die a Rangers man,' he loudly declared,

at which point a voice piped up from the back: 'Jaysus, have you NO ambition?'

Moonbeams wet dream
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Become chief executive of the SFA....

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside

On the golf theme, maybe some of these shots were hit at Aberdour today:

A Sally Gunnell - ugly runner

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Cuban - needs one more revolution

An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim

An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand

A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect

A Kate Moss - bit thin

A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional

A Glenn Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water

An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result

A Rodney King - over-clubbed

An O.J. Simpson - got away with it

A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

A Robin Cook - just died on the hill

A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs

An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you

A Ken Livingstone - quite far left

A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right

A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

A condom - safe but didn't feel real good

A circus tent - a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

Moonbeams wet dream 10:42

Alzheimer’s is much better. Every day you meet the lot of new people. They all are your friends. Every day you have new wife. You don’t bear the grudge against people. You don’t meet again those who offended you.

WGS

Best young Croatian player

He is 17 years old. Video from his debut.

Andrej Kramarić

MWD - weird or what? My doc informed me today after some blood tests that I've got the Helicobactor thing. Sent me packing with a cocktail of anti-biotics and anti-acids to take for a week.
Supposedly gets rid of the problem. Did you get the same?

Think I'll wait until the weekend is over....

TTTT

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a keg ... coincidence?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

TTTT

3 times and it has never worked once. Lucky ole me.

tripple therapy they call it.

Enjoy.

MWD

Nobody believed me, and chuckled years ago when I told then I was going to be a stand up commedian.

I've done my stand up routine to those people, and they're not laughing now!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

Zybszeek,

Are we interested?

TTTT

I just stick with Losec 25mg's a day. Beats not drinking & eating.

MWD

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

Spooky anagrams

Dormitory = Dirty Room

Schoolmaster = The classroom

Elvis = Lives

Listen = Silent

Clint Eastwood = Old West Action

Madam Curie = Radium came

A telephone girl = Repeating "Hello"

Western Union = No Wire Unsent

The countryside = No City Dust Here

Evangelist = Evil's Agent

Desperation = A rope ends it

I run to escape = A persecution

The Morse Code = Here Come Dots

The Meaning of Life = The fine game of nil

Slot Machines = Cash Lost in'em

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Athena!
Athena who?
Athena flying saucer!

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

WGS

No, not interested yet. Yesterday I tried to find out what was going on in Rijeka. I have found two interesting articles there. One was about Sharbinis agent with conclusion "let at this man, he is great example of people who don't know nothing about selling the players". The other article was about Andrej.
No great clubs are for him yet. Still yet but I don't know how long yet.

MWD - I run all this stuff past my in-house pharmacist!
Her indoors was diagnosed with Lupus 3 years ago and takes a massive amount of medication. The hoose is full of it!

Three times - did the quacks not try something else to get rid of the bug? Whisky, vodka, Absinthe....?!

TTTT

Zbyszek

is that the new Fleck?

looks good. can we sign him?

MWD

They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

i think Shabrini mught be worth a watch. Ih he aint getting picked up, Celtic if interested could get him for less thanthe asking price at present IMO.

Shikalaba of Eqypt, Have you heard anything that part of the world about him?

Zybszek,

i think Shabrini mught be worth a watch. Ih he aint getting picked up, Celtic if interested could get him for less thanthe asking price at present IMO.

Shikalaba of Eqypt, Have you heard anything that part of the world about him?

They say good manners cost nothing. Well thats rubbish it cost me £15,000 a term to send my daughter to a Swiss finishing school

Patter's brilliant.
I wish the golf was on every day.

Just returned from Aberdour,

What a great day out and what a great bunch of people.

Martin.

TTTT

they told me I could try it again but that they didn't expect it would work.

first time I was on it for a week, then two, then three.

so 1 Losec a day keeps me drinking beer otherwise I would need to chuck drinking and eating spicey food n thats not for me.

MWD

My wife and I divorced over religious differences.
She thought she was God, and I didn't.

One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch. So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not sheit on bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy''

martin42
Read back on the blog
You don't know what you've been missing.
Trust you all enjoyed yourselves as much as we have.

Moonbeams wet dream

They call him new Davor Šuker. He just signed for Dynamo Zagreb.

WGS

No, I have never heard about Shikalaba before you mentioned that name in here. I believe he must be good.

martin
You dried out yet? been lashing down all day

They say that;

Early to bed. early to rise,

makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Well my uncle Hiram went to bed every night at eight o clock, and he was

A martyr to piles, always looking from where his next beer would come from, and quite frankly as thick as sh*t.

discuss

What did they go back to before the drawing board

Great jokes lads. Keep them comin.

hail hail!

A bear and a racoon were walking through the woods one day. They came across a genie who was lost in the woods. The gennie was so happy with the directions that the animals gave him that he said to them, "I will give you both three wishes each." He turned to the bear first.
The bear (who was really into sex), said, "Ok, ok...I want...All the bears in this forest to be female, except me!" Poof! It was done.

The genie turnned to the racoon. The racoon thought for a minute, and said, "I want a...MOTORCYCLE!"

The bear thought he was crazy, but the genie granted his wish.

Turning back to the bear, he goes, "I wish...the bears in the next forest over were female, too!" POOF! It was done.

The racoon thinks for a minute, and says, "I want a motor cycle HELMET!"

The bear says, "Youi idiot! You could ask for all the money in the world and BUY those things! You're wasting your wishes on JUNK!"

The racoon just shrugged, and POOF!-it was done.

The bear's final wish was, after very little thinking, "I wish all the bears in the whole world (except for me) were female!"

Poof, it was done.

The bear and the Genie look at the racoon expectantly. The racoon got on his motor cycle, strapped on the helmet, and turns it on. He reved the engine and said, "I wish the bear were GAY!" and drives away.

maybe took the last one too far, sorry guys..delete if inapropriate paul

Now the strokers are back

i am off

Goodnight to the Comedy Club

Hail Hail

Love

Mrs Murphy meets Mrs. O'Reilly in the street.
"And how is Paddy doin' these days?"
"Paddy's dead"
"Never! How did he die?"
"I don't know. I got up to make him breakfast before he was to go to work, so I called on him to tell him that it was time to get up.
Ten minutes later...he's still not up, so I called on him again.
Ten minutes later, I shouted to him that his breakfast was getting cold. Still no Paddy, so I went upstairs to get him...and he was lying dead in his bed.
Just goes to show you...he should have gotten up first time I called on him"

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Moonbeams wet dream 11.29

I dont know where that came from but that was magic.

EN

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again andmade another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up."I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

From an employees appraisal; He has reached rock bottom, and started to dig.

Right

I am now listening to everlong by the foo fighters. This, according to the wife, is my "drunk" song. That is, its the song I always put on when I have went over the edge.

"Drunk Songs" lads ????

Moonbeams wet dream on July 3, 2009 11:51 PM
First prize.
Just wait till Paul gets back, we'll all be barred.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Bhoys 'r us

Grab the cans, Im headin for the back door.

It was MWD that started it..

EN

US Navy

This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the cost of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95:

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse . . . Your call.

aye it was MWD that dun it!

ok, still no signings i canny believe it. Well looks like no new signings sitting upfront on the plane going to OZ :(

Bhoys,

It rained a bit in Aberdour also.

Good to see everyone enjoy themselves, we had Jim Leishman as our after dinner speaker, and although his jokes and stories were great, they were not as good as those on the blog tonight.

Up at 5.00AM so off to bed,

Goodnight all,

Martin.

night night martin!

Moonbeams wet dream i saw it on youtube, but it was an irish light house, it was some tv advert

Jvoh67

I cant oblige with a tipsy song just now but this has been on my mind tonight.

One for the Tennis fans at Wimbledon

A song that brings back great memories.

EN

Estadio Nacional
Thoroughly enjoyable evening.
Cans are empty, wine finished, work in the morning, so it's off to bed.
Ah well (sigh!!!), it's back to the football tomorrow.
Be as nice to each other as you have been tonight.
Good night, all.

Brilliant stuff lads. Keep intending to go to bed but end up opening another tin. This is definately my last beer.

Remember Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

jvoh - Guns'n'Roses, You could be mine.
What a song to kick off a bar brawl....!

TTTTunderthetableCSC

Here come the chaps who say no
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfyErgbY0oA

A American, An Englishman and an Scotsman who all work together decide to go to Paris on a day trip. 14th July being Bastille day and a national holiday in France one of the city's top Madame is offering her favours free to the first 3 customers and there in line are the guys. The American is first. after a lengthy spell he appears looking very bedraggled and worn out and smiling from ear to ear. the Englishman is next, same story as he appears smiling and worn out. Up steps the Scotsman. about 10 minutes later he runs out screaming clutching his crown jewels. the other take off after him. "What happened" they say. Scots guy says " I went in, she tells me to undress. She starts to caress me and get me going. She sprays cream all around the base of my "old boy" then she puts strawberries and pineapple and then more cream and then more fruit and right a the top a cherry.it looked so good I had to have a bite myself"

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

An Scotsman, Irishman and English man walk in to a football club...

They win the league in their debut season.

People have a laugh and more.

Thats up there with the best of comedy.

NIGHTY NIGHTY

PAUL67 - NOTHING TO DO WITH ME

HAIL HAIL BHOYS

Lady walks into a bar.
Barman asks her what she's having.
She asks for a double entendre.

So he gives her one.....

TTTT

Good night lads

And finally

Performance Reviews

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

An ageing Scots couple win the national lottery, 7 million jackpot. The lottery company ask them if they wish to go public with their good news. The wife says to the husband we cant go public, what about the begging letters, oh dont worry about them he replies, just keep sending them.

Drunk songs - You could be mine, Mofo!

TTTT

One for the road.
Two drunks in a bar, who happen to be on their way home (late as usual).
One says to the other..." The wife's always in bed when I come home. I always open the door, as quietly as possible. Take off my shoes and sneak upstairs. Get undressed in silence...and just as I sneak into bed, she nags... "Where the hell have you been to this time?"
The other replies...."When I come home, I make as much noise as possible. Slam the door and shout out..."Get your gear off momma, hear I come!!!"

"And what does she say to that?"

"Nothing, she pretends to be asleep!"

What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay!

:)

Stick em up, punk here's some Scooby Snacks

TTTT

Just catching up - croeso Mr Baggins. I've never had nothing agin hairy feet no matter what that there Kojo chappie may say...

ok back to Football, i see Paul Hartley is off to Bristol City, i think that is about his level. I do find it strange that TM comes in and one of Gordons big players, sometimes captain (not mine i thought he was a waste of a jersey and done he haw for the team) is let go. I like TM more and more, although someone on the coaching staff must have briefed TM that he was pants, i wonder who that was???

ST

Celebrity Hoops fan Rod Stewart supposedly said that he only does covers if he can improve the song. Aye right!
Downtown Train

TTTT

St - what football?

Guy walks into his bedroom to find his wife spreadeagled and naked on the bed.

"I know what you want" he says.

"Oh yes" she purrs, " And what is that ?"

" You want the whole bed to yourself!"

53

Doctor Doctor

TTTT

SydneyTim

PH would have been a good signing if we had got him when MON was after him, you have no idea how much I wanted him to be able to sign then, he could have established himself in the role where he eventually made his name. Attacking central midfielder.

That deal didnt go through but I know PH was desprate for it to happen then, I was and so was a huge number of his family, they were over the moon when he signed but I feel we got him too late and GS decided he was suited to the holding midfielder role due to his age.

Im sure I agreed with that at the time, but it wasnt to be.

Timing was PH's down fall, wrong manager wrong time.

But he did what many of us dream of, I saw him make his debut for Hamilton Accies as a winger, that wee fella I knew later went on to play in some Classic Champions League games that will be remembered for decades.

Im delighted to say I learned a tiny wee fraction about what its like to pull on the Hoops.

Good luck Paul Hartley.

GA

TTTT

I thought you were in Thompson Twins land there!

Estadio Nacional true true EN but my point is still valid, he did hee haw for us apart from a header in Moscow. He came to us too late and i think he was poor in the holding role. Another of Gordons tactical blunders.

Is your OZ trip off then?

SydneyTim my other point about PH, who within Celtic Park said to TM that he was not worth another year Contract??? Must have been NL??

Now we are talking

Theres something in the woodshed.

EN - well said...

ST - 'waste of a jersey'?, a wee bit of respect please. Paul Hartley was a key member of a midfield which delivered astonishing results and was a consummate professional. I thank him and wish him the very best.

the rest - best night on CQN for a long while, snowmen/carrot joke the best!

McGrain

CRC - old rocker territory!

Talking of which....End of the Innocence

Night y'all
TTTT

mcgraininspain ok along side Barry robson season before last was his best time ie that run in to the title, i will take it back :) But Gordon threw him in many times thinking he was something special and he wasnt

McGrain-U have mail

I agree. Mr Hartley and Robson did us proud when they partnered up season before last, I remember seeing a bit of physical presence in our midfield against the forces of darkness....

but time to move on.....

SydneyTim

I agree, he wasnt effective for us, and that a pity hence my reason for saying 'wrong time, wrong manager.'

On one hand I wish he had been a star, on the other I dont think he should have became close to the chance. Delighted for him personally but the poverty of what was available for our team selection last season could depress.

The Oz trip is off as I think I might need to go there to work later in the summer, a rushed trip there just now is not the most sensible of ideas, so despite that game Im staying here for now. Thanks for asking, I sent Kitalba an email to tell him I wont be taking up on the offer of spare tickets, still a wee tiny thought about how I could make it though.

My Sis put my in touch with the Sydney City CSC, they are going daft about this, Im not sure I could handle the party.

Hope you all get the day you are after.

EN

Annnnd

We' on the road......

Celtic and Birmingham chasing Iceland international?
July - 3 - 2009

A report on Sky Sports today says that Celtic and Birmingham may be re-igniting their interest in the Icelandic international Solvi Ottesen. The article said: The agent of Iceland international Solvi Ottesen has claimed his client is attracting interest from both England and Scotland.

Ottesen has impressed in the last few seasons for Danish club Sonderjyste and such good form has not gone unnoticed elsewhere.

He started his career at Reykjavík-based Vikingur and from there moved on to Swedish club Djurgarden in 2004.

Since moving to Denmark his reputation has soared and it now looks as though bids from both the English and Scottish top flights could soon be lodged.

Birmingham and Celtic have previously been credited with holding an interest and Ottesen’s agent, Gulli Tomasson, is predicting movement soon.

“I am pretty sure something will happen for Ottesen during the transfer window,” he told Sporten.dk.

“It is no secret that English and Scottish clubs have been eyeing him. He is also interesting top Danish

Celtic's Boruc rubbishes 'alcoholic' claims and blames slump on personal woe

By Stephen Mcgowan Last updated at 1:20 AM on 04th July 2009

Artur Boruc has spoken for the first time of the personal turmoil which made last season the worst of his life.

In a candid interview published in his native Poland, the Celtic keeper reveals how a fractious relationship with his estranged wife Kazia witnessed him being branded everything from an alcoholic to a bad father.

The effects of the discord were clear last season when the star of Euro 2008 saw his stock plummet with a series of high-profile errors for club and country.

Sportsmail understands Boruc has now set his sights on a fresh start and that Celtic will sell the unsettled Pole if they receive what they deem to be an acceptable offer. To date there have been no takers.

Manager Tony Mowbray has already warned the keeper to shape up if he wants a move, after pictures showed the talismanic keeper returning to pre-season training overweight.
Artur Boruc

Seeking a fresh start: Boruc wants to put his year from hell behind him and move on should Celtic receive an acceptable offer

And Boruc is desperate to fight the demons which led to his world imploding both on an off the field before a World Cup game in Northern Ireland where he was the target of threats from opposition fans.

'In Belfast, I wasn't scared of their fans' taunting', he said. 'I like pressure, I like when the fans are screaming at me.

'The influence on my performances in Slovakia and Northern Ireland games were not fans - but my personal situation.

'It is not possible to forget about it, switch yourself off. Never mind if you are a worker in a factory or you are goalkeeper playing in front of thousands of people every week. If you have personal problems, it will affect you at work.'

Defiantly, however, Boruc said: 'I don't accept all this talk that I'm in bad form. Last season, I made five serious mistakes, which is roughly the same as I did the year before.

'But no one said it was my fault then because those errors went unpunished.

'A lot comes down to luck and sometimes your luck runs out. It shows how quickly things can change in the life of a footballer.

'My form in the match in Belfast (Poland's 3-2 defeat to Northern Ireland) and the earlier game in Bratislava (a 2 - 1 defeat to Slovakia) was related to my personal situation.'

Much of the interview published in Poland belongs in the pages of a celebrity magazine, yet the former Legia Warsaw player addresses some of the rumours which have dogged his reputation and forced his transfer value downwards from a peak of £12million last summer.

'Am I an alcoholic? No, I am not. I don't drink every day, I have a couple o f beers when I am permitted by the club.

'Yes, I also smoke, but not a lot. I also smoked a few cigarettes during Euro 2008, but nobody cared then because I was in good shape and I was playing well.'

Pictures emerged last season showing Boruc drinking and smoking with his new partner, a gangster's former girlfriend.

Denying that he now keeps bad company, however, Celtic's cult hero pins much of the blame for his problems on his wife.

The two have yet to divorce and, worryingly for his club, the situation now threatens to become a running soundtrack to the keeper's life.

'Kazia's whole family thinks I'm insane, that I'm an alcoholic and so on. They constantly try to provoke me.

'And once when I got so angry with the whole situation and started shouting, my son Alex was frightened by me and started crying. It was torture.

'That was just before Poland's game with Northern Ireland. How could I play well feeling like that? But I didn't want to give up, I wanted to help the national team.

'I got married to Kazia when I was 21. At that time, I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

'But things change and so do people. Now I've been left in a complete mess.'

Mowbray hoping Fortune favours Celtic as Hartley and Hesselink leave Parkhead

Marc Antoine Fortune

Hoopful: Fortune could be on his way to Glasgow

Tony Mowbray hopes to make Marc-Antoine Fortune his first Celtic signing in the next 48 hours after confirming Paul Hartley and Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink have left the club.

Celtic have offered the Nancy striker a contract but face competition from the likes of Hull, Portsmouth and Fulham.

Fortune worked under Mowbray during a loan spell at West Brom last season and the Celtic manager is hopeful their personal relationship will work in his favour.

'Everything is in the balance,' Mowbray said. 'I think it will happen naturally over the next day or two. I'll either be sitting watching him shaking someone's hand and holding a shirt up somewhere at an English Premier League club, or you will all come back here in a few days and meet the guy yourself.'

Mowbray is working on other potential deals after releasing out-of-contract pair Hartley and Vennegoor of Hesselink.
paul hartley

Hart break: Scotland midfielder Hartley is on the lookout for a new club

He added: 'I had a good long conversation with Paul. He came in to see me. The outcome of that is Paul won't be offered a new contract. He is free to look for other employment.

'I have had no contact with Jan. Jan is out of contract - he is free to seek other employment and I'm pretty sure that's what he will be doing at the moment.'

I apologse about my lack of grammar, and proof reading tonight that carry on hurts my eyes also.

How do you saaaay?

Good Night.

Mick

What is this you are posting?

I went straight on to 'page down' when I saw copy/paste nonsense.

Come on, if you are going to post stuff you have not wrote, tell us where its from so we can decide if we want to read it.

EN

Estadio Nacional

It was from NewNow web site,check it out for yourself.
Just thought others might be interested.

Stroll by if it isn't of interest to you.

The last two articles are from the Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1197428/Celtics-Boruc-rubbishes-alcoholic-claims-blames-slump-personal-woe.html?ITO=1490

Mick

I just dont see the need to bring those headlines and the nonsense behind them here.

Do you belive them?

Do you think they are worth puting your name against while posting them here?

I dont and posting tabloid nonsense even under the guise of 'newsnow' doesnt grab my reality.

Who is Newsnow?

It looks like Hugh Keevins reading the papers at 7.30 and 8.30 on radio Clyde, ages ago I tuned into that nonsense.

Newsnow is Keevins.

Im away to find a video that I know is poor but doesnt kid on.

EN

The song named by Keith Jackson as 'the greatest song of all time'

Georgie Girl

Newsnow and Keevins agree.

Let it rain.

It's Bobby Newsnow.

Oh by the way there are quotations from the article!

Away to my bed.

Beastie Boys- Intergalatic

Not featured on 'NewsNow'

nae football talk on Friday night then. At work and nae links to youtube etc :(

does any oZ Bhoys know if Celtic games is on Setanta Next week so i can record it when i am at the game :)

ST

Im on the case for that game, Its not dead yet.

Cant get thorugh to Trailfinders, going to go look at it in the morning.

Any other sites you could tip for flights?

EN

ST

Internal filights in a wee bit of detail and slight about round the world tips.

EN

Estadio Nacional i always used airnet.co.uk when i lived in UK. could never get anything cheaper than that

SydneyTim

Cheers, is there any doubt that there wouldn't be a flight available from Syd to the game? It would be a right pain to go there and not be able to get that wee flight.

I see you have fell into the same trap as my wee Sis, Sheila Easton, UK? She says she can get Scatish food in the UK shops;)

I know Ive went on about this but its due to me trying to pick info for options, thanks.

EN

Off topic-

Well played,Andy Murray,proud of you & you had the dignity to admit that you were beaten by the better man on the day.

I'm sure you'll day will come.

Just delighted that I won't have to put up with that snarling face of your mum,on my tv,for a while (have a word).
Real winners smile.

Good Luck Roger,

We are about to witness a bit of history.

HAIL HAIL.

Estadio:

Have a look at these:

Emerald 1

and

Emerald 2

Sea the stars-

Not much of a price,but it won't get beat.

Fill your boots.

HAIL HAIL.

Estadio Nacional everyday from 6am in morning till 9pm at night at least 2 flights an hour from SYD To Bris 3 different airlines prices from 350 to 1200 dollars return

Big Tone is playing a clever game. By telling the media that Fortune has a choice of going for the big bucks or advancing his career and reputation, he is putting pressure on the guy to make the right choice, or be seen to be just another money-chasing mercenary.

See Fitba? See psychology?

Estadio:

this is probabley the best place for cheap flights:

compare rates

some right cheap flights with some good carriers. You can get returns for as low as 650 inclusive of taxes:

here

and here

Estadio -

Another option is to get a flight from Sydney to the Gold Coast airport. I could pick you up from there if necessary.

It's a 20 minute drive from the airport to Highland Park, where I live, and a 1 hour train journey (full of Tims) to Brisbane.

Let me know if I can be of assistance.

Sydney Tim -

The game is not being covered by Stanta but it is live on Channel67.

Gold Coast Tom ah well canny tape it(old saying eh)

i see the weather forcast for next weekend Brisbane

http://www.weather.com/weather/extended/USCA0131?par=yahoo&site=www.yahoo.com&promo=extendedforecast&cm_ven=Yahoo&cm_cat=www.yahoo.com&cm_pla=forecastpage&cm_ite=CityPage

yeeeeeeh ha :) whats a smiley sunglasses ??

Hoops in the sun :)))

oooooooooooopps thats Brisbane USA what Smiley for me dafty :(

sydney tim:

when are you getting into Brisbane?

Got an extra pass out from the boss. landing Brisbane 8:30pm sat night then heading to see sheeben to meet other Sydney CSC peolpe. Gillhoolies(or however you spell it) sounds like a good CQN place to meet up b4 game. LEaving Monday avro

Please don't think me uncharitable, but it's a money CAN buy opportunity for some well heeled tims to schmooze it up with the big wigs. Something tells me that a raffle would have been closer to Brother walfrids footsteps.

Estadio....

Here is some interstate flight info.

http://www.webjet.com.au/city-flights/interstate-flights/?source=googleads&gclid=CKuW85Cnu5sCFRwDagodtFNBAg

I am going up to Brisbane for the game next weekend and I can't wait.It has been 31 years since I last seen the Bhoys and I feel like a kid waiting on Chrismas !