WE ARE now at that perilous stage of the year when we are all being propelled along on the journey towards the pun-infested dark and deep waters of the panto season.
A keen sense of humour is not a standard requirement as we hurtle head-first into the world of evil villains (boo! hiss!), pantomime dames, female characters normally played by males (yikes!), principle boys, male characters normally played by females (double yikes!), slapstick and singalongs.
We are now knee deep in the territory of tinsel, sleighbells, mistletoe, mince pies and fat guys in red suits.
It’s all acceptable clean fun and there are so many folk only too eager to participate in the good-natured nonsense.
There’s former referee Bobby Madden, for instance. Clearly, he’s one for a chuckle. (Oh yes he is! Oh no, he isn’t!)
He took his stage act, complete with silver whistle and red and yellow cards, to England after bemusing thousands of us for years in this neck of the woods. The match official returned a year early from his stint in front of audiences who may not have been in sync with his kooky sense of humour.
VILLAIN No.1…Brendan Rodgers is on the reciving end of a yellow card from Kevin Clancy.
Anyway, Bobby is back and he still looks as though he is keen to embrace centre stage while vigorously hogging the spotlight.
In recent weeks, he appears to be performing as a casting director for a panto and has already put forward Brendan Rodgers, Reo Hatate and Kyogo Furuhashi as a trio of wicked villains.
It was Bobby, via his Instagram post, who advocated the Celtic manager should have seen red after his comical attempt to boot the ball as it bounced over the touchline during the holders’ Premier Sports League Cup semi-final romp against Aberdeen last month.
As if the crimson face wasn’t enough for Rodgers who contributed his own version of buffoonery to proceedings by landing on his backside, the one-time whistler urged for his removal from the theatre.
Referee Kevin Clancy joined in the comic cuts by booking a clearly repentant Rodgers, but yellow was not the correct colour for Bobby.
On social media, he pointed out that the dastardly Irishman had kicked the ball away, thus delaying the restart for the opponents.
“The laws are very clear that this should be a red card,” he informed one and all.
The Dons, 3-0 down at the time in the first-half, may have actually thought the rival boss was doing them a favour.
VILLAIN No.2…Reo Hatate is cautioned by referee Nick Walsh as Liam Donnelly sits it out.
Next up, it’s Japanese playmaker Hatate after his rather obvious accidental coming-together with Kilmarnock’s Liam Donnelly during Celtic’s 2-0 win at Rugby Park a week later.
The midfielder might have felt he was unfortunate to have been booked by referee Nick Walsh. Bobby, though, had us all rolling in the aisles when he came out with this classic: “Here you see the Celtic player has misjudged the ball and then lunges in and makes contact with the studs on the knee.
“Undoubtedly, this should be a red card for serious foul play as it endangers the safety of the opponent. The contact is there so a red card should have been recommended VAR.”
Hilarious! Bobby, displaying the 20/20 vision of a rum-fuelled, drunken sailor, was among a small number of one-eyed individuals on the planet to see Hatate lunge in.
The description is inaccurate. The Hoops player did slide in on an admittedly skiddy plastic surface on a damp day. But it was all in one movement. Not even the hint of a lunge.
And, dear reader, that takes us up to the most recent casting of a green-and-white-clad scoundrel, Kyogo Furuhashi.
The pacy raider clashed with outrushing Aberdeen keeper Ross Doohan early in his team’s 1-0 win at Pittodrie in midweek.
It was clearly accidental with two opponents going at pace for the same ball.
Referee Don Robertson, despite some scurrilous accusations from those in red on the pitch and, more vociferously, the folk who occupied the stands, decided sensibly that no card was required.
Thankfully, the netminder recovered after treatment and was one of the home side’s best performers for the rest of the game.
VILLAIN No.3…Kyogo Furuhashi clashes with outrushing Aberdeen keeper Ross Doohan.
Our chum Bobby was far from satisfied as he deemed the forward had been “reckless” in the collision.
With comic timing, he informed us once again via Instagram: “Yellow for me. Reckless and shows a disregard for the opponent. Keeper has possession, and I believe there is an opportunity to avoid contact.”
You’re having a laugh, Bobby. What a kidder you are.
Look again at the incident and make up your mind who instigates contact in this collision. Kyogo is doing exactly what you would expect of a half-decent striker and is turning to chase a through pass.
But it is Doohan, showing admirable anticipation as well as commendable courage, who charges out and is far from his goal-line as he makes a bid to take the ball off the rival’s toe.
Kyogo displaying “a disregard for the opponent”? In a blink of an eye?
Thankfully, the panto season should come to a conclusion at the some stage next month.
However, there is no guarantee that Bobby Madden has any plans to leave the stage. (Boo! Hiss!)
ALEX GORDON
