ALEX’S ANGLE: CHARACTER ASSASSINATION

“NURSE! NURSE! Quick, the smelling salts, please!”

I have just read that none of the current Celtic team would get a place in Derek McInnes’ Ibrox side.

Okay, we have to accept the champions hardly laid a glove on their city neighbours in back-to-back defeats in eight excruciating days before the international break.

On the evidence of those performances, it’s well nigh impossible to argue with the damning verdict of Alan Hutton, a defender who plied his trade in Govan for six years back in the days before he was follicly challenged.

Not a solitary Hoops performer considered equipped to wear the light blue shirt?

Tell us something we don’t know, Alan. After the utterly miserable showings in the Premier Sports League Cup at Ibrox followed by the equally mesmerisingly awful display in the league at Parkhead, none of that lot masquerading as Celtic players would get a game for my old school team.

And we are all in our seventies now.

GOVAN WOE…Colby Donovan can’t bear the look as Celtic topple to defeat at Ibrox.

The critics crept out of the woodwork last season to form a disorderly queue to give Celtic a good kicking.

We were forced to read and hear monumentally daft comments from some folk who should know a lot better that the stumbling title kings were in death throes and would be lucky to get third place in the final table behind Hearts and Rangers.

Did none of them realise it’s not all over until the rather plump lady had exercised her dulcet tones?

It’s history now that Celtic rose to the challenge and collected their fifth successive crown – two points ahead of the Edinburgh club and ten ahead of the Ibrox outfit.

It was humble pie all round for the bigmouth brigade who fairly pathetically clung to accusations of VAR decisions that had practically handed the silverware to Martin O’Neill’s men.

In fact, the barbs carried on throughout the summer and I had to laugh at remarks from one hack, who shall remain nameless, that the real turning point of the season was the moment Wee Derek’s side were not awarded a penalty-kick in their draw with Motherwell at Fir Park on May 9 during the dramatic run-in.

Please allow me to refresh your memory, dear reader. The scoreline was deadlocked at 1-1 in the second-half when the away side’s Alexandros Kyziridis went down in the box following a challenge from Tawanda Maswanhise.

Since being introduced to Scottish football the previous summer, the Greek forward had regularly demonstrated an unhealthy fondness for embracing the turf. It would be fair to say he rarely passed up the opportunity to produce his theatrical ability.

IT TAKES A WORRIED MAN…Martin O’Neill looks transfixed as he watches Celtic lose the derby Premiership enounter 1-0 at Parkhead.

As Kyziridis writhed in apparent pain, referee Steven McLean, who may have been aware of the player’s penchant for rolling around football pitches, was not impressed.

Even when the whistler was invited by VAR to have another look at the incident on the touchline monitor, he still didn’t see anything that warranted a spot-kick.

Apoplexy abounded and there were shrieks of injustice from all corners. I really had no idea there were so many Hearts fans throughout the land.

Now I can well understand the presumption that Hearts would have scored from any such award. After all, with players such as Kyziridis around, Lawrence Shankland had been offered numerous opportunities to exhibit his expertise from 12 yards.

Celtic had been on the receiving end in Brendan Rodgers’ final game in charge, the 3-1 loss at Tynecastle on October 26.

And if practice does indeed make perfect, then there was every reason to believe Calum Ward would have been tasked with retrieving the ball from the back of his net.

But what if Shankland had been denied by the home keeper or had failed to hit the target? Hardly outwith the bounds of possibility.

Presumably, something else would have been found by the frantic newspaperman to query Celtic’s qualifications to merit a record 56th crown.

Excuses, excuses…

And that takes us back to Hutton’s examination of the current pool of players and his critical summarisation that they would not be good enough to perform on the other side of the Clyde.

Judging by their collective passive and inexplicable demonstrations in the derbies, it’s not easy to mount a viable argument.

You have to hope Callum McGregor and Co take the remarks as something akin to character assassination and react accordingly.

If Hutton’s condemnatory comments do not motivate this squad, then goodness knows what will.