JUST when I thought it was safe to come out from behind the sofa, another salvo from angry snipers flies over my napper.
Is there no end to the rage, dear reader? Will serenity ever be restored to proceedings? Will the league be scrapped for the season? Will Celtic be stripped of their inevitable 55th crown?
Can we anticipate a lengthy ban for Alistair Johnston, the unfortunate target of such a hostile and vehement reaction from a multitude of frothing-at-the-mouth, wild-eyed observers?
The Canadian international right-back has provoked the sort of backlash normally reserved for perpetrators of heinous crimes.
I am, of course, referring to his challenge – or assault, if you listen to some of the mouthpieces – on St Mirren’s Roland Idowu in the champions’ 5-2 win in Paisley at the weekend.
FLASHPOINT…Alistair Johnston slides in to tackle St Mirren’s Roland Idowu in the moment that created all the furore after Celtic’s 5-2 win in Paisley at the weekend.
If you hadn’t actually witnessed the incident, you would have been forgiven for believing the Celt had viciously drop-kicked his opponent into oblivion – or, at least, the local A&E – in a savage attack.
Referee Matthew McDermid, with a good view, and VAR assistant Andrew Dallas both agreed there was no requirement of action and dismissed the need for a review.
End of the story? No need to discuss the matter further? What colour are the clouds in your world?
The erudite Stephen Robinson, manager of the beaten hosts, remarked: “It’s not a good claim, it’s a penalty.
“The ball has gone in a completely different direction from where Alistair has tried to make his challenge. He got a little nick on the ball and then followed through and the ball’s gone in a completely different direction from the tackle.”
With a straight face, he added: “It’s 3-2 and everything to play for. I thought we were on top of the game at that stage, as well.”
In these moments, you wonder if you have viewed the same sporting event. I have no recollection of the home side bossing the match at any stage. Maybe someone should point out to the Irishman that Celtic enjoyed 76 per cent of the possession in this confrontation.
Certainly, Robinson’s bruisers made life distinctly uncomfortable for Brendan Rodgers’ visitors, but no one can expect a welcome mat in this part of the country.
HIGH JINKS…Auston Trusty wins an aerial duel with Mikael Mandron before the Celtic defender was helped off with a head wound in the 27th minute after another clash with the St Mirren striker.
They should hire that annoying American master of ceremonies who pops up before big fights and screeches into the massive microphone dangling from the rafters: “Let’s get ready to R-U-M-B-L-E.”
The announcer appears to have perfected the art of hanging onto the last word for about five minutes. Or it just seems like that.
Defenders know what to expect when they prepare for tussles at the SMiSA stadium. The visitors will be bombarded by long, high balls and the likes of Mikael Mandron, Toyosi Olusanya and Owen Oseni will be invited to chase, harry and hustle and throw themselves into every duel in an effort to achieve victory.
Fair enough. It’s not the style you and I might prefer to watch, but it can get positive results as the Paisley outfit proved at Ibrox the previous week with the victory that finally saw Philippe Clement jettisoned after 16 eventful months in charge of our city neighbours.
If the Belgian admitted to being “scarred for life” because his team were not awarded a penalty-kick after the Liam Scales/Vaclav Cerny kerfuffle on the 18-yard line at Hampden in mid-December, goodness knows how the fragile soul reacted when he was informed his services would no longer be required in Govan.
But that’s another story for another time.
Meanwhile, back to the aftermath of the now-infamous Paisley Incident, we had the nodding dogs at the Beeb. Host Steven Thompson, with an affiliation to St Mirren and Rangers, Cammy Bell, a former Rangers goalkeeper, and Michael Stewart, on the way out at Manchester United in 2004 and who had a failed trial at Rangers when Alex McLeish was the possessor of the brown brogues, were all singing in perfect harmony.
ON THE ATTACK…Alistair Johnston fires in a shot as St Mirren captain Mark O’Hara attempts to intervene in the clash in Paisley.
Naturally, they all thought St Mirren should have been granted a penalty-kick. My missus did not need to administer smelling salts to your humble scribe at the united front from these three sages of the small screen that sits in the corner of our front room.
By the way, my friend, did you spot the common bond that linked all three talking heads? Not that I am suggesting for even a heartbeat that their collective judgement may be clouded.
Alas, I cannot say the same for dear, old Kris Boyd. I’m afraid that ship has sailed and Boydie has firmly nailed his colours to the mast of the rudderless vessel.
Not only did this oracle of the beautiful game reckon it was a stick-on spot-kick, but the errant Johnston should also have been expelled for his rashness.
“I mean, it’s a stonewall penalty probably verging on a red card as well in terms of where the foot went,” gibbered this adroit observer.
