WHEN it comes to European mishaps, Celtic don’t so much shoot themselves in the foot as take aim with a blunderbuss and blow their toes to Kingdom Come.
Time and again, with monotonous and irritating regularity, they stage unwanted, numerous encores on how to make sure you don’t succeed among the elite.
They did it again against Bayern Munich last night.
How on earth can any team on the universe allow a prolific penalty-box predator such as Harry Kane, scorer of four hat-tricks among his 29 goals for the Bavarian giants this season, to remain totally unmarked at a set-play and expect not to be punished?
OUT ON HIS OWN…Harry Kane thrives in penalty-box isolation as he nets Bayern Munich’s winner past the stranded Kasper Schmeichel.
This is the same bloke who thumped in four against luckless Dinamo Zagreb as Vincent Kompany’s team clocked up a rampaging 9-2 success at the Champions League kick-off back in September.
Yup, the good old ‘Arry Kane from Walthamstow who walloped in 213 strikes for Spurs and added another 69 for England.
Bewilderingly and inexplicably, Brendan Rodgers’ dozy back lot pulled off the irrational Midas touch in reverse by gifting the international attack-leader – “one of the best strikers in the world,” according to the Irishman – time at the back post to put on his slippers, enjoy a couple of puffs from his pipe, have a cup of tea and then hook in what proved to be the winner?
I’ve seen more movement from the exhibits at Madame Tussaud’s than I witnessed from those in green and white shirts marking fresh air on this occasion.
Frankly, you get all you deserve with such a reckless abandonment of basic duties and demonstration of sheer neglect.
As the left-wing corner-kick swirled into the danger zone, and while Cameron Carter-Vickers and Co miserably chased decoys around the area, there was Harry all on his lonesome at the back post a mere FOUR yards out when he made contact with the ball.
HAPPY HARRY…the Bayern Munich striker takes off on his celebrations. An inquest is taking place behind him.
Kasper Schmeichel, who has lost a goal or two to his superabundant nemesis on his journey through football, had that old familiar sinking feeling as the net bulged behind him once more and Kane was allowed to set off, arms spread wide to perform his annoying little jig of celebration.
Rodgers and his coaching staff – including No.2 John Kennedy, a one-time Scotland centre-back – have some questions to answer after such a gargantuan faux pas that will undoubtedly cost the club millions in revenue.
In the good old days of Jock Stein, another ex-central defender, if Celtic conceded a goal from a deadball situation, he would have the defenders back at Barrowfield the following day – it didn’t matter if it was a Sunday – for some extra tuition.
The message got through tout suite. Or pronto, if you prefer.
That being the case, the current lot could be spending quite a few additional hours at Lennoxtown until the cows come home.
I see some folk are informing us the tie is on a knife edge. God bless them for their acts of admirable defiance.
I’ll try to let down these gallant souls gently. There is absolutely no way Celtic are going to turn this play-off on its head in Bavaria on Tuesday.
At best you could say their chances are slim and none – and slim just left town.
Rodgers insists Celtic should not be afraid of losing at this level. Just as well the Celtic manager is blessed with such a commendable attitude.
BEWARE…Kasper Schmeichel is in for a busy night in Bavaria.
He has presided over the two worst results in the club’s European history – the heaviest away collapse, 7-0 against Barcelona in the Nou Camp in September 2016, and the most embarrassing home loss, 5-0 against Paris Saint-Germain a year later.
Those are records you and I must hope are undisturbed until the end of time.
Mind you, back in October last year, we came pretty damn close to overtaking the x-certificate exhibition in Catalonia.
The beleaguered rearguard must have been mightily relieved when big-hearted Borussia Dortmund, 5-1 ahead after a whirlwind of pain in the first-half, eased up somewhat and were content to add just two more in the second period.
Now Celtic are back in Germany next week, just 140 days after that unforgettably distressing drubbing at the Westfalenstadion.
It can’t get any worse.
Can it?
ALEX GORDON
SPIRIT AND SUICIDE IN PARADISE
