ALEX’S ANGLE: SFA’S ANSWER TO THE MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY

WHAT have SFA’S Key Match Incident Panel got in common with the Monster Raving Loony Party?

Both are well-nigh impossible to take seriously.

The KMI’s powers of deduction are simply mesmerising. I wouldn’t bet on them finding water if they fell out of a boat.

I’m guessing their idea for dealing with an out of control fire would be to chuck a few gallons of petrol on the flames.

Scottish football is still simmering following some slanderous and libellous comments of the conspiracy gasbags who have had the foot jammed on the accelerator since Celtic were awarded a late penalty-kick against Motherwell at Fir Park ten days ago.

And there was a second seismic paroxysm of faux outrage after fans raced onto the Parkhead pitch to celebrate Martin O’Neill’s team’s fifth successive title triumph following their well-merited 3-1 win over Hearts, champions elect, apparently, to a posse of know-it-alls.

HANDBALL…Motherwell’s Sam Nicholson makes the awkward challenge on Auston Trusty that saw VAR step in and a stoppage-time penalty-kick awarded in Celtic’s 3-2 win at Fir Park.

That sparked wrathful indignation among those who really should know when to put a sock in it. Mind you, the seemingly-universal resentment to the time-honoured destination of the crown wasn’t helped with Wednesday’s remarks from Tony Bloom who clearly hadn’t heard the SFA’s audio tape of the late events which was released on Sunday.

However, just when it appeared the talking heads had exhausted their limited supply of expletives and were calming down the preposterous rhetoric, along come the KMI, an assembly of three anonymous individuals with some sort of footballing qualifications, who are normally rigid followers of the rule book.

They investigated the stoppage-time handball incident at Fir Park when Andrew Dallas, on VAR, stepped in to have a word in referee John Beaton’s ear to request a review on his touchline monitor.

The match official took under 20 seconds to glance at the moment the ball clearly hit Well’s Sam Nicholson on the hand as he leapt to challenge Auston Trusty to Anthony Ralston’s throw-in from the right wing.

A penalty-kick was awarded and Kelechi Iheanacho did the necessary from the spot to seal a crucial 3-2 victory.

“Disgusting,” was Hearts boss Derek McInnes’ fairly predictable reaction to the award.

“Looks as if it’s pretty clear cut,” countered O’Neill. “He’s given it for the handball and also an elbow on top of that.”

SPOT ON…referee John Beaton awards Celtic a matchwinning penalty-kick at Motherwell, a decision that sparked outrage among the talking heads.

The backlash must have knocked the globe off its axis and the unfortunate Beaton required police protection after some personal details were wilfully linked online.

The SFA actually backed the whistler and insisted he had made the correct call. Referees’ chief Willie Collum reportedly reassured Beaton that he had followed SFA guidelines on handball incidents and was right to give the spot-kick.

With Nicholson’s arms at head height, and perceived to be in an unnatural position, that was deemed sufficient for a spot-kick to be awarded.

With the same guidelines in place, it may have been anticipated the KMI panel may assess the moment and come to the same conclusion.

“Did the ball hit the defender’s hand when it was raised above shoulder height?” they may have pondered.

“Yes,” would have been the expected outcome.

In a season of blindsiding twists and turns, they pooled their perceived wisdom and came back with the judgement that Celtic should NOT have been awarded a penalty-kick.

EASY DOES IT…Kelechi Iheanacho strokes in the points-clinching penalty-kick at Fir Park as Anthony Ralston looks on.

The panel confirmed the referee was correct with his initial decision not to award a penalty and the VAR intervention outcome was incorrect, according to a report in Sky Sports.

That result meant Celtic only had to defeat Hearts by any score on the final day to secure the title, while they would have required a three-goal victory to prevail if their match at Motherwell had ended all-square.

One scribe, obviously dangerously close to blowing a gasket, informed us: “It was the second huge decision to go against Hearts in the closing rounds of fixtures that the KMI panel subsequently deemed to be wrong after Steven McLean controversially stuck by his initial decision not to award the Jambos a spot-kick away to Motherwell, while the match was level at 1-1, despite VAR Greg Aitken indicating that Alexandros Kyziridis had been tripped by Tawanda Maswanhise.”

Brimfull of chagrin, the hapless hack added: “The Jambos finished two points behind Celtic, with these two calls ultimately having had a huge bearing on the title race.”

Thanks, Einstein.

No mention of the ludicrous 73rd-minute dismissal of Trusty at Tynecastle in January following an inexplicable VAR intervention – ironically instigated by the aforementioned Beaton – when the visitors were winning 2-1 and looking fairly comfortable.

Claudio Braga prevented the champions leaving the capital with three points with an equaliser in the 87th minute and even an extra eight minutes couldn’t get the hosts over the line.

Landry Kabore was the Hearts player who rolled around in apparent death throes which inspired the match officials to conjure up a red card for the stunned American international.

You, I and the family cat are well aware of the Edinburgh players’ compulsion to embrace the turf when an opponent comes on the radar. They do like a set-play, don’t they?

CROWNING GLORY…interim boss Martin O’Neill and captain Callum McGregor celebrate Celtic’s record 56th crown.

I wondered who would be the first to topple at Parkhead last weekend. Kabore didn’t disappoint. Inside ten seconds he was on the floor. If there was any contact with Liam Scales when they went up for a high ball it was minimal.

As referee Don Robertson completely ignored the non-incident, I half expected Laurel and Hardy to appear to join in the fun and frolics.

In the interest of balance, I should point out that the KMI “experts” gave the nod in the direction of Scotland’s title kings – 56 crowns and counting – over two decisions in that flag decider.

Celtic were awarded a first-half penalty-kick after Kieran Tierney’s cross hit Kyziridis’s hand. The panel unanimously supported the match official’s decision to point to the spot.

In the 87th minute, Daizen Maeda’s goal to make it 2-1 for the hosts was initially ruled out for offside.

However, the panel concluded that the Japanese striker, in an offside position, did not play a part in the build-up.

Callum Osmand was onside when the ball was played to him by Marcelo Saracchi.

The panel unanimously agreed the initial offside call was incorrect.

They stated: “The panel highlighted VAR was correct to intervene and the decision to award the goal was correct.”

Well, whoop-de-doo, guys. Next you’ll be informing us the ball is round, the sky is blue and tomorrow is Sunday.

Enjoy the game today, folks, and let’s hope there are no pesky interventions to ruin the spectacle.

May the better team win.