I THOUGHT I had toppled through all nine circles of hell in Dante’s Inferno after enduring the excruciating sight of Celtic being rag-dolled in Dortmund at the start of the month.
Some folk have recurring nightmares of falling from a tall building. For some, it’s drowning. For others, it’s attempting to escape from wayward flames. And we can’t forget the old favourite of being chased by would-be assailants in the dead of night.
Mine is the sight of a Celtic keeper being invited for the umpteenth time to fish the ball out of the back of his net following the concession of a goal in Europe’s most prestigious competition.
Curiously, that horrible image did not enter my slumbering psyche last night. A shrink would probably charge me an awful of money for the use of his couch before informing me I have become immune to my monotonous nocturnal torture.
Brendan Rodgers’ record in domestic football is simply awesome. His sequence in Europe is utterly appalling.
HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL…Brendan Rodgers before the pain in Spain in September 2016.
Celtic have conceded EIGHTY-SIX goals in 50 outings at this level. Count ’em and weep, dear friends.
I am loathe to admit it, but, with the Irishman in charge, scorelines have hurtled beyond embarrassing. We are now being humiliated way too often, admittedly against tier 1 opposition.
It’s all very well insisting Celtic will “not camp in and wait”, but it’s gut-wrenchingly obvious to onlookers that what is being strategised by the manager is not working. The whole of Europe is aware of that inescapable fact.
There is more than a whiff or cordite in the air at the completion of these agonising exercises as the team regularly shoot themselves in the foot.
I never feel any overwhelming trepidation when I hear whichever of our opponents’ teams cost £100billion to assemble. So what? They’ve got more money in the bank and are owned by sheikhs, princes, used car salesmen and other fortunates who populate a different financial stratosphere than you or I.
Does that mean we forfeit the tie? Look out the white flag? There is little point in offering timid, feeble opposition because the most our club have ever paid for a player is £11million and they have £100million performers who are not guaranteed a place on the substitutes’ bench?
Good luck to them. But when the shrill of the referee’s whistle reverberates around the stadium, it’s 11 v 11.
SEVEN AND HELL…crestfallen Craig Gordon after PSG make it 7-1.
It didn’t look like that in the Westfalenstadion just over three weeks ago as the hosts surged to a 5-1 interval lead. Game over with 45 minutes still to play.
A very similar tale to a disconcerting experience in Glasgow back in September 2017 when Paris Saint-Germain went in at the break three goals ahead on their way to a 5-0 victory, Celtic’s most overwhelming defeat on home soil since 1895.
Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to introduce 18-year-old Anthony Ralston for his first taste of European football on that occasion, especially when he was up against a Brazilian bloke called Neymar.
Moussa Dembele netted in the first minute of the second match in the French capital, but the home side’s players had already looked out the cigars long before the second-half kicked off as they strolled to a 4-1 interval advantage.
In an effort to stem the tide, Eboue Kouassi – remember him? – was sent on in the 69th minute for Olivier Ntcham. PSG stuffed another three behind Craig Gordon before the bang-average Ivorian had the chance to get his knees dirty.
Dorus de Vries, at the age of 35, was selected ahead of Gordon to face Barcelona in the Nou Camp the previous September just a week or so after arriving from Nottingham Forest for about five quid. Okay, for the pedants out there, it was £400,000.
The Dutchman would have looked more comfortable standing in front of a firing squad rather than on a pitch in Catalonia. Celtic lost 7-0 and, after a total of 15 appearances in three years, the netminder retired. (Not a minute too soon, I hear you say.)
WOE IN WESTFALENSTADION…Kasper Schmeichel as Celtic collapse to Borussia Dortmund.
Possibly not one of the manager’s best ploys to put an unexceptional performer in such an awkward position in the first place. Ditto introducing Cristian Gamboa, a £1million right-back recruit from West Brom, for his debut on the same eventful evening inside a fortnight of his arrival.
Mistakes have been made and heavy prices have been paid.
And so here we are again, poised to play last season’s winners of the Europa League in their Bergamo home and once more we are without the rock-like qualities of our defensive kingpin Cameron Carter-Vickers.
What can we expect as we step onto Europe’s killing fields one more time?
Time for caution, methinks. An approach that sees the midfield set out to protect the back four while utilising the pace of Nicolas Kuhn, Kyogo Furuhashi and Daizen Maeda.
Plus a goalkeeper who is able to complete the confrontation without suffering chronic back pains.
We can always dream.
ALEX GORDON
*DON’T miss the unbeatable match report ftom Atalanta v Celtic tonight – only in your champion CQN.