More cunning than Tiger Woods at a cocktail bar


I’ve been meaning to speak to you about this for a while; thought I would wait until the new season, see if anything changed, maybe we could avoid having the chat.

There are different ways of watching football games.  There’s the way we watch World Cup games, as unpartisan observers, which is completely different to the way we watch Celtic games.  If I’m watching a game in the English lower leagues with a one-time Celtic target, I’ll watch him closely, usually paying scant regard to anyone else.  The same is true if I’m watching the likes of Wigan with Sean Maloney.

When I watch a game before writing a match report I often get a different perspective.  The game flows in the normal manner but I then have to look at my notes and compose a report.  It’s the notes that are often unexpected, they tell a story of incidents, not of what is essentially a pursuit which flows for 90 minutes.  For Celtic, the incidents overwhelmingly, often as much as 80% of the time, involve one player.

He’s not the quickest, the most industrious, or the strongest, but Kris Commons makes things happen at a level no one else at Celtic comes close to.  The evidence screams out at me every time I check my notes.

I’m sure Celtic will recognise this with a new contract but there’s reason to worry about this now.  What if he’s injured, what if opponents figure out they better stop supply to him, what if his form shades, as it did two years ago?

I like the look of the squad.  Lustig, Matthews, Izaguirre, Ambrose, Brown, Mulgrew, Johansen, Forrest, Biton, Stokes, Griffiths, Forster and van Dijk offer consistent standards of performance, most look comfortable in Champions League football, but the dependence on one creative talent feels like an unnecessary vulnerability.

As I said, football is not an incident-dependent sport, like golf, it is a flowing pursuit which requires industry, concentration and strategy, without which, the creatives would end up playing lower league football.  But to win games, you need someone to invoke six of seven incidents more cunning than Tiger Woods at a cocktail bar*.

*Kris Commons behaviour at cocktail bars is impeccable, he is capable of on-field cunning only.

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  1. !!Bada Bing!! on

    weet weet weet(gbwo)



    16:13 on 16 July, 2014



    Playing in the Soup Bowl



    Thems 1 soccer moms 3





    Love it big man,how you doing ? Did you take up that driving job that was on here last month?

  2. !!Bada Bing!! on

    Ventura County Fusion looked a very decent outfit when i seen them on Dora the Explorer.

  3. weet weet weet(GBWO) on

    Hi bada



    Never heard back from them buddy



    Hope the hols going well




  4. !!Bada Bing!! on

    Weet3- aye good wee place,posting from Los Gigantes,a picturesque marina town,£1.20 a pint happy hour :))))

  5. Vmhan,



    Many thanks for that. Watched the goals. The opposition must be fairly lowly; they don’t have their own pitch. It looked to me like an American football field, with some of football’s markings added.

  6. Just reading back now. It clearly has been mentioned already.




    No Harm Done CSC

  7. itsaboutatim – That match report is comedy gold, I especially like this passage –



    “Concentration was another issue as, whenever the ball went out of play for a corner-kick or a throw-in, the PA announcer boomed into action with adverts for among other things, Dan the Pizza Man, a fried-chicken outlet, a pub and a shop which sold lemons.



    Miller was down with a knock and getting attention when, with awful irony, an advert came across for a back clinic.”

  8. My Dear,Dear,Fourth-Cousin….Kojo



    WattieBhoy Will Get His Chance…..



    He Is Likely Just Reaching For ‘Match Fitness’…..




    After Being Dropped From The First Team In Belgium…..



    By That Disgraceful,Idiosyncratic Manager…..



    Who Has Now Received His P45….



    RD Tried To Take Tony On Loan…



    During His Last Month With His Norwegian Club…..



    So He’s Unlikely To Have Real Concerns Over Attitude….



    I Suspect That RD Felt That He Had To Start Stokes First…..



    (Or See Him Go In A Huff….).



    And Demonstrate That He Doesn’t ‘Cut The Mustard’….



    As A Celtic Striker……



    He Has Not Developed….As He Should Have….



    And Does Not Merit A Starting Place…



    Better That Tony Stayed Behind….



    And Got A Full Game With The Reserves…..



    Than A Cameo As A Sub…..



    Against The Icelandic Pub Team….



    With Wattie Taking Up His True Position As CENTRE FORWARD….



    With SuperGriff Playing Off Him…



    The Other Players In Midi And On The Flanks….



    Will Be Able To Play In Their Favoured Positions….



    Rather Than Being Messed Around…



    I Seem To Recall That Young McGrgor..



    Played On The LEFT Flank For Notts Co.



    Last Season…



    Then We’ll Be Cookin’ Wi’ Gas..!



  9. My dear,dear,dear,friend.. The Singing Detective






    Nice tae greet ye..as usual.




    Ah hope Tony Watt gets a Shot at the Peerie, agin Dynamo Dresden,whom we play.this upcoming Saturday.



    A Real Godamned Shot.. A Full Ninety Minutes.



    It is a Bit of A Mystery .. why we hivnae seen Much Mair of Tony W. in these Early





    He goat a Cup o Coffee,n a Kick at the Cat.. during a Brief Vignette( Great Woid..pal!..ed) ( Ah thought so..) in one Soliary Game..then he disappeared,wance mair.



    Whit Gives, O’ Ronnie ??



    Paul McMullan? Anybuddy, Know where he is?



    Somewhere, East of Eden.. Ah guess.



    Mystery piled oan Mystery.



    When Wull we Know?



    Lee ,is being Hung oota Dry.. way oot There oan His Owneo.. oan the Right Wing.



    It’s a Bloody Shame…



    Like You said..



    Lee N Tony W. could make us Happy .. as oor Twin Penetrators. Up Front n Center..



    We wull Find oot the Answers tae awe these Questions..



    In the Fullness of Time.. Ah suppose..



    Ah wish Ah could be mair specific.. but….



    Nice Chattin’ ,As Per usual.. Pally.






  10. thomthethim for Oscar OK on

    I watched a chunk of the International soccer game from Ventura County.



    The “game” was played on a Etch-a-Sketch field.



    The visiting team were truly atrocious and Wallace should gave been jailed for a petulant kick at an opponent.



    However, the most surreal aspect of the night was the commentator’s performance.



    He regurgitated every lie from the Hun hand out.



    A performance to rival a North Korean report of their famous World Cup win.



    Beware, only watch in short spells.

  11. Gene's a Bhoy's name on

    We tell ourselves that preseason games are all about fitness, at least that’s what we said last season when we had less than flattering results. So don’t see the issue with the deid club

  12. Event Jobo.



    Decent weather here in dunblane now. Failing asleep in a way too hot train!



    HH jamesgang

  13. And not only is this Open Eve. It’s also the night before my own nightmare day as I get a chance to impress (sic) my new colleagues and boss as I hack my way around The Carrick tomorrow afternoon! Could be very embarrassing!

  14. I’ve not had the benefit of a replay, but my first impression from last night was that Stokes snubbed R.D when leaving the field… I may be wrong. I too would rather see a player annoyed at being subbed,than one that isn’t bothered. But there’s also a degree of code of conduct, and respect towards the manager…. It’s open to debate that Stokes actually did snub R.D, but I can only imagine the reaction of Lennon if he’d done that to him.


    Anyway, without picking on the guy, my main gripe with Stokes, is that as the Primary striker on the field of play, he should stay central and stay high….. Instead he drops too deep and is rarely in the box to attack crosses…. Not ideal at playing the lone striker role

  15. Och away. You’ll get way more points thingies than them. I’m sure of it….









    HH jamesgang

  16. Did anyone else watch the most recent Scotland international friendly, and see the guy Christ Martin (I think) of derby county. His hold up and link play was excellent….. I thought to myself, that’s exactly what Celtic need as a No.9…..

  17. This is what Stokes said on Twitter about the incident.



    @stoksey10: few people hav said this, never ignored him on purpose! never happy being subbed want to play every minute like every player

  18. ruggygman



    Christ Martin?



    He could either be the Messiah or a very naughty bhoy :-)

  19. South Of Tunis on

    Scorchio —– 92 degrees at 7pm -way down south .



    Back home after a wee jolly in Rome . A Kraftwerk gig ——- great . Fabulous 3D — 7s,12s and Lps spinning above and through the audience whilst freaky chicks in capri pants and stripey t shirts did the boogaloo on a virtual dancefloor . .



    Pleased to spot 2 guys wearing the Hoops but hey ho ——they were Sporting Lisbon men who had travelled to Rome for the gig .

  20. ruggygman



    Plenty of hand of ghod incidents with him I would expect!



    HT. That’s hardly an unequivocal denial or apology is it. Message to Stokesie. Want to stay on for 90 mins? Play better. And know who’s the boss or you may be looking for a new one. End of.



    HH jamesgang

  21. thomthethim for Oscar OK on




    18:10 on 16 July, 2014





    Christ Martin?



    He could either be the Messiah or a very naughty bhoy :-)





    Nice one, Ham.

  22. jamesgang



    I’m not really sure what it is to be honest.



    I suppose those with definite opinions on it can spin this to support their assertions.

  23. squire danaher on




    I know “Stokesey” isn’t the sharpest tack in the box, but surely even he has more gumption than to put on twitter that he has a problem with getting subbed.



    Apart from himself, could anyone seriously make a case for RD having been out of order for taking him off?

  24. HT



    That’ll not be me mhate.


    I caught it happening but couldn’t say for certain how much it meant. It how little.



    I need to get better at taking 100%, die in a ditch, only I’m correct views on things I don’t know about if I’m gonna keep my place on CQN!







    Right. Tea time! Hungry!






    HH jamesgang

  25. Making plans for next Tuesday and from what I’ve read on here doing the ole Park & Ride on the tram might be best. Looked at the route there and see there’s a stop for the Gyle Centre. Does anyone know if there are any parking restrictions there similar, for example, to The Forge (nae football parking, max stay 2 hours, etc)?

  26. traditionalist88 on

    Mountain out of a molehill with the Stokes thing lads.



    He missed RD’s move initially to shake hands then noticed pretty quickly and returned the gesture.



    Non story.

  27. Jobo



    Pretty sure there are. Park n ride at airport/ingilston is free with tram stop right there.



    HH jamesgang