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Police being laughed at by grateful media, Jinky medal comes onto the market

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Strathclyde Police seem unprepared to decommission the loose cannon that is providing the regular leaks of largely inaccurate information about Celtic fans to the press.  The country’s largest police force have become a regular source of material and hilarity for our media, perhaps best illustrated by their unattributed comment to the Scotland on Sunday, suggesting they plan to “smash the Irish Republican, Marxist, Green Brigade”.

While the police officially claim “these comments do not reflect the view of the Force” the damage is already done.  The stage is set for an inevitable confrontation by a group of supporters who now believe they are being unfairly picked upon (for being Marxist, good grief, I thought they all shaved and suited-up under Tony, including the men!), and a police force, which employs someone who has told the press they are picking on the Green Brigade and which is asked by the Government to challenge pro-IRA chanting.

All political chanting must stop, of course, but I don’t fancy being an officer on the ground who has to pick up the pieces after a very loose tongue has set a scene for confrontation.

Make no mistake, the police are being laughed at by grateful recipients of their media comments, who cannot believe the utter naivety of the Pitt St operation, I have heard this laughter first hand from more than one journo, but the consequences of such dire behaviour will be severe.

I would like to thank everyone who bid on the ebay auction for the Jimmy Johnstone medal. I’m really pleased to let you know that the medal has been withdrawn from sale. Thanks again and sorry if you had already bid.

We are not short of history at Celtic, but there are very few occasions a unique memento of the Greatest Ever Celt becomes available.  The medal is a 47-year-old slice of Celtic folklore, check it out on ebay.

Read CQN Magazine for free online here. Subscriptions to the online copy are discretionary but you can contribute here. Old-school hard copies are available here from Magcloud.

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  1. What is the ideas on our strongest XI when all fit / avail.

     

     

    Foster

     

    Matthews Dan Mulgrew Izzy

     

     

    ledley

     

     

    forrest Commons

     

     

    brown

     

    stokes hooper

  2. Neil canamalar Lennon hunskelper extrordinaire on

    Good afternoon CQN

     

     

    jocky bhoy,

     

    the prevarication charge was aimed at your refusal to simply state your view on the huns responsibility for the death of British soldiers, really simple.

     

     

    As for the charge that you dont go to games, if you remember that charge ended with a ? for most this usually identifies a question not a statement.

     

     

    I would like to extend asn invitation to share a beer before the game on Saturday and we’ll go together, cant say fairer than that surely.

  3. Dontbrattbakkinangersays:

     

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:48

     

    ‘#Celtic beat Hibernian 3-0 in bounce game at Lennoxtown. K Wilson played 90 mins. Brown scored 1 and 2 from Bangura, who had a great match.’

     

    – it was a bounce game of Ker- plunk!

     

     

     

     

    Heard that Loovens went off early with a strained finger.

  4. voguepunter says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:53

     

     

    Can we not get someone else to hold it, that diddy would probably miss!!!

  5. BlantyreKev – Hail Hail to the Kano Foundation says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:34

     

     

    Hilarious mate. Going to be sticking your “harsh reality” in more then one Americans face today. Hope you don’t mind?

  6. caeser1967 says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:54

     

     

    The size of the squad we have I reckon it’s horses for courses. Get the big strong Bhoys in for the bad weather and rutted pitches.

     

     

    LB

  7. The Pantaloon Duck on

    31003 says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:58

     

     

    I don’t know if I’m qualified to answer that question…

  8. A UEFA hearing into allegations of “illicit chanting” by Celtic fans has been postponed by 24 hours.

     

     

    The European football governing body were due to meet on Thursday to discuss the charge, following a complaint to the UEFA delegate by the match commander after the Glasgow club’s win over Rennes in the Europa League.

     

     

    Celtic will now have to wait until Friday to learn their fate, with the disciplinary body due to sit at 8am UK time.

     

     

    The hearing has been rescheduled because a meeting of UEFA’s appeals body is instead required to go ahead on Thursday.

     

     

    Celtic are not expected to send representation to Nyon, with disciplinary guidelines stating clubs are only invited to attend “in exceptional circumstances”.

     

     

    In a separate case, the Scottish Premier League chose not to impose sanctions on the club following a report of “unacceptable conduct” during a league fixture with Hibernian on October 29.

     

     

    The SPL ruled Celtic had taken reasonable measures to prevent such behaviour and, as per competition guidelines, no further action was taken.

     

    STV

  9. Br\o/gan R\o/gan Trevin\o/ and H\o/gan on

    Good Afternoon one and all.

     

     

     

    Dare I say it, but, Is our esteemed leader— the normally polite and loquaciously careful Paul 67 calling Strathclyde’s shiney button men with the egg on their hats……….. eh…….. Purveyors of an untruth?

     

     

    Surely Not? Nay I say? It cannot be!

     

     

    Has he taken leave of his senses? Did he overdo the vindaloo on his lunchtime curry ( complete with double popadoms, spicey onions, mixed pakora and diet Irn Bru just to keep the figure trim ) ? Has he been sniffing the paint coming from the newly decorated sweet of offices along the corridor, leading to delusion and hallucination?

     

     

    The Old Bill.. tell pork pies? No– Nay Never—- and do’t dare add on the words that are going through your minds because the thought police will be out to get you!!!!– and besides he is perfectly capable of blessing himself– even in German!

     

     

    Yesterday we got right stuck into the Herald…. and so today it has to be the turn of the Scotsman or The Scotland on Sunday or whoever you want coming from Edinburgh because they are all one and the same lot just wearing a different hat and getting paid through a different EBT at the end of the month depending on who they write for—— oops better strike that before I press post because that will land us in more trouble and we will be called before the bees wax!!!!

     

     

    Anyway, Imagine the scene:

     

     

    It i s a cold dark winters day and life in Auld Reekie is just a bore. You know what it is like in Edinburgh– a strange place at the best of times, where they build tram lines where nobody wants them to go and where there are no trams, and a Parliament building costs more than the Apollo 11 Moon landing— as an aside— why did they not get Fergus to build the Scottish parliament– that would have saved a few bob.Anyway This is the only City in the world where when a big bloody gun goes off in the middle of the day everyone checks their watch. Huh– try getting that to catch on in Cairo,Baghdad or even Belfast. No wonder Sir Arhur Conan Doyle– a native of the fine city had his most famous character declare:

     

     

    “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth”– and how right he is!!!

     

     

    So let’s continue our story:

     

     

    As I say,it is a dark and dull day in Auld Reekie and some journo scribe stares out of the window gazing across the roof tops wondering when the big gun will go off so he can go and have a scone and some finest darjeeling– for that is what one does in Edinburgh circles don’t ya know?

     

     

    Suddenly a thought comes to his mind: He can cut out the rest of the day by just fabricating a brilliant scoop emanating from the Glasgow Polis– not the local Rebus lot you understand ( they would no far too much about the nocturnal habits of scone scoffing journos of this parish )– but the Glasgow lot— The Dalmarnock Dixons of Dock Green!

     

     

    “Green” by god– That’s it! The name of that funny lot who sing all the offensive stuff st the fitba– the ones that make the secret collections for Castro, the Communist party, The Red Road Revolutionary Brigade, and the St Vincent De Paul Ultras!

     

     

    So our scribe, completely misses his lunchtime, and instead writes up a supposed comment from an unnamed source from deep inside Fortress Pitt Street and throws in a few key words like Marxist, Irish Republican ( he he we all know what they are like eh? ) and so on. He ascribes his source with easy to follow words like “smash” and “surveillance” and “extreme measures” and — bingo—- article done in 25 minutes.

     

     

    Off he goes to the duty editor who is delighted with this “scoop” now all he has to do is add a Headline…… and with that our Intrepid reporter heads off down the Dog and Duck for a Martini and a pink gin— for they don’t do the pints in Edinburgh society– don’t ya know?

     

     

    At least— that is what appears to have happened according to Strathclyde Police– for they did not make any comment about Smashing the ultra lefty maxist republican revolutionary naught naughty schoolbhoy Green Brigade to anyone– and anyone who says otherwise must be telling big big porkie pies and be a fibber of the highest and naughtiest magnitude!!! They have released an “Offishul” statement– so it must be true!

     

     

    It read:

     

     

     

     

     

     

    ” Road conditions are extremely hazardous and we would recommend that nobody travels on the roads unless it is

     

    absolutely necessary!”

     

     

     

     

     

    Oh Sorry– that was their other offishul statement.

     

     

     

     

    I can’t quite find the Green Brigade statement but basically it said

     

     

     

    ” Scotland on Sunday talk pish!”

     

     

     

     

    So, there we have it. Either the dirty rotten journalists are lying through their teeth– it is offishul!!!

     

     

    Or ….. Maybe…………… Strathclude Polis… are lying through their teeth?

     

     

    However, one other possibility remains, and using the logic so famously applied by the clever chappie from Baker Street—- ( No Not Gerry Rafferty– and please do pay attention! )——– and that is that Dixon of Glesga Green did in fact phone up the non pulitzer prize winning folk in Edinburgh and say–

     

     

    ” hey we have a statement that we want yous tae print about that dirty rotten Glesga mob the Sandanista supportin commie revolutionary front otherwise known as the Green Brigade that follow the Celtic mob. We want tae say that we are gonnay blooter them oot o existence with big truncheons and great big polis boots wi jaggy bits in the toes if they keep on singing and chanting about they Irish republicans and Terrorists like Foster & Allan, Canon Sydney McEwan, Margo and her brother Danny wan tune!— but ma boss wi the English “O” level that does the press statements is oot the noo at some big pow wow about how everybody has tae enjoy the fitba and live in peace and Harmony rowe– which I think is near Ibrox– so can yous make up something nice and send it oot.—- Oh but yeez should know that it has tae be anonymous and next week we are gonnay deny the whole thing without calling yeez liars an aw that– we just want tae get a message across kinda thing– and besides you’ll get six tickets tae the Strathclyde Polis Christmas night oot— There’s a free bar and a right good singsong…….”

     

     

    And that my dear reader is what Really really happened—— but shhhhhhhhhhhhh don’t tell anyone because it is a big secret.!

     

     

    Oh and Tommytwists tommyturns?

     

     

    The “Pish” about Celtic having 9 Million folowers came from a 2003 article in….. the… eh…… Scotland on Sunday….. so it must be right ……… Though Strathclyde Police say that the club only had 8 fans at that time and one of them was a greyhound!!!!

     

     

    ———————————————————————————————————————————–

     

     

     

     

    PS On CISCA and the buying club idea etc—- don’t go listening to Blantyre Kev he is a doomsayer and had he been at the meeting with Brother Walfrid then Celtic would have just about managed a 5-a-side team in an inter parish tournament every second year! Groupon and KGB deals or whatever didn’t exist a few years ago and now they boom.

     

     

    The idea of a membership scheme already exists in football, it can easily be taken to a non payment registration stage and from there once numbers of any decent size are established approaches can be made to certain sectors for mass discounts. Yes it can be managed through existing organisations who specialise in such matters and they will charge a fee, but it is far from impossible.

     

     

    Personally, my preference would be that the whole thing has nothing to do with the PLC in terms of ownership or management, but with an agreement in principle that a proportion of money (after costs) will be made available for the advancement of the club. That way you tap into whatever database the club has AND use their expertise and business prowess to help manage the thing at the outset.

     

     

    No money goes to Board Directors etc and members would qualify for discounts on Celtic goods——- Christ if Celtic don’t believe in the loyalty and buying power of their fans then why should anyone else.

     

     

    I note that Nike say we sell an average of 350,000 strips on each release– well that should tell you something and I know loads of people who do not buy any strips at all— I am one— and instead buy Celtic T shirts.

     

     

    Lastly, for all I say that Kevin makes Private Fraser look like Eric Morcambe, he does raise some good practical points and he keeps a fine set of books…….. although I hear the golf scorecard leaves a lot to be desired!!!!

  10. Half Time Tombola on

    !!Bada Bing!! says:

     

     

    Cheers – we managed to keep Hallice’s trial pretty quiet – announced this morning and playing this afternoon. Interested to see how he does.

     

     

    Never realised Mjallby jr was on our books – hopefully he inherited his faither’s pure mad mentalness and hunskelping abilities!

  11. hamiltontim says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:59

     

    31003

     

     

    Go on then.

     

     

    Cheers

     

     

    While most of you were probably working last Friday afternoon, my fellow CQN er, smashinmilkbottles, me and a few friends played 6 a side football. That in itself is no big deal I hear you all say….but…..the venue was none other than……Lennoxtown……and the opposition was as follows…….

     

     

    Ollie Sutton (Suttys bhoy)

     

    Mjallby

     

    Varga

     

    Lennon

     

    Thompson

     

    and…….who was the other again…….oh aye……HENKE

     

     

    Final score was 35-18 to the REAL hoops

  12. …..ah forgot to mention Ollies dad played as well. By the way Thommo’s still as…..ahem…..feisty as ever.

  13. 31003

     

     

    Ya jammie sod :)

     

     

    Strange coincidence, I was at works Christmas night out on Friday and saw both Henke and Sutton in the bar of the Thistle Hotel. Apparently it was a get together weekend for a charity doo that big Chris had organised for the sat night.

     

     

    Or maybe it was just to play a game of 6’s :)

  14. hamiltontim says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:09

     

    31003

     

     

    You are right….I was at the Saturday gig as well

  15. By the way…….The Saturday night gig is the first time I’ve ever seen the players stay till the death……Henke and Sutty urnae bad dancers either

  16. Half Time Tombola on

    31003 says:

     

     

    Ah the mention of big Varga’s name reminds me of walking to Tynecastle and hearing a group of Celtic fans who were contrinuting to the missionary work of the monks of South Devon sing:

     

     

    (to the tune of Queen’s Radio Gaga)

     

     

    All we need is Stanislav Varga!

     

    Scary big hairdo!

     

    Stanislav Varga!

     

     

    It made me laugh…and still does!

  17. 31003 says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:13

     

     

    Probably because they are retired now and can get a decent scoop.

     

     

    What is Sutton’s Bhoy like? Can he play? What age is he? Have Celtic got him on the books yet?

     

     

    LB

  18. LiviBhoy says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:15

     

    31003 says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:13

     

     

    Probably because they are retired now and can get a decent scoop.

     

     

    What is Sutton’s Bhoy like? Can he play? What age is he? Have Celtic got him on the books yet?

     

     

    he’s 15 or 16….he played in goal….how’d ye think we scored so many?

     

     

    Bawsman says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:15

     

    “Henke and Sutty urnae bad dancers either”………………You a wummin 310003

     

     

    Actually I’m as masculine as they come….but with a mincing gait

  19. Philbhoy - It's just the beginning! on

    Caesar67

     

     

    Whatabout Big Vic67?

     

     

    First name on the team sheet for me.

  20. Serge (10) Tommy Burns on

    Looking forward to getting home & reading Suttons book as i forgot it, Is it a decent read?

  21. voguepunter says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:20

     

    That 31003

     

     

    Is his real name Tam pepper or Spoofer McGraw?

     

     

    Why would I lie?

     

     

    The 6’s game came about as an auction prize at big Suttys book launch….all proceeds to Yorkhill Hospital………same thing with the Saturday gig

  22. Philbhoy – It’s just the beginning! says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 16:21

     

     

    I agree. Big squad is required going into the bad weather season. I reckon that we may see a different approach in the coming weeks and months. More of the bigger guys will be required with the high winds and bad pitches. Teams will lump the ball in the air and with the poorer surfaces we might have to too.

     

     

    LB

  23. Anybody tink we should addres the centre halve position properly and intent. Never really an area that has been sorted since MON was in charge.

     

     

    Buy an experienced good pedigree no nosense central defender woth a couple of million rather trying to scrape bargain basement and not address the issue. Never really heard of the dude from Fulham but his stats aint great.

  24. Philbhoy - It's just the beginning! on

    Livibhoy

     

     

    Agree, although Big Victor has the potential to be Beckenbauer, Big Billy and Bobo rolled into one.

     

     

    IMHO.

  25. The fishul website says the St Johnstone game on Sunday 18th Dec is a 3pm kick off,was thinking it would be earlier for TV?

  26. garcia lorca says:

     

    7 December, 2011 at 15:46

     

     

    Been following the commercial debate. I am Chairman and Non Executive Director of four companies so see many business plans in their various guises.

     

    ———————————————————————————————————–

     

    Gizza job! :)

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