The dusty dry bones of Queen Victoria

The dusty dry bones of Queen Victoria were dug up on Monday and placed upon her ample throne. Victoria ruled a quarter of the globe as queen and empress but her historic claim to be Britain’s longest reigning monarch came into question this week by Queen Elizabeth, who passed what was previously thought to be Victoria’s unpassable 63 year record.

This was simply too much to bear for royal traditionalists, who could not allow the world to change in such a radical direction. “We will restore the mortal remains of Queen Victoria to her throne, thereby securing her place in history as the longest serving British monarch”, a spokesman, who had flown in from the former African colonies, explained.

The old queen has lost a lot of weight since her burial in 1901, although remarkably her personality appears to have changed little after 114 years in the ground.

Many of Queen Elizabeth’s admirers are also stanch Victorians at heart, and were surprised and delighted to learn they can now celebrate two queens, although their look of puzzlement displayed when friends asked “Are you a <censored> idiot?” clearly caused some dissonance.

Those of you shouting “These people are beyond help and deserve all they get” are on some sort of list. Long may Victoria reign over you, and her Empire.

Only four days to go for the hospitality auction to win an outstanding day for three people.  Lunch and drinks at the Walfrid plus watching Celtic-Dundee from the directors’ box, courtesy of Intelligent Car Leasing.  Check out the ebay auction here.  All proceeds to towards the incredible work of the Celtic Foundation.