The dusty dry bones of Queen Victoria


The dusty dry bones of Queen Victoria were dug up on Monday and placed upon her ample throne. Victoria ruled a quarter of the globe as queen and empress but her historic claim to be Britain’s longest reigning monarch came into question this week by Queen Elizabeth, who passed what was previously thought to be Victoria’s unpassable 63 year record.

This was simply too much to bear for royal traditionalists, who could not allow the world to change in such a radical direction. “We will restore the mortal remains of Queen Victoria to her throne, thereby securing her place in history as the longest serving British monarch”, a spokesman, who had flown in from the former African colonies, explained.

The old queen has lost a lot of weight since her burial in 1901, although remarkably her personality appears to have changed little after 114 years in the ground.

Many of Queen Elizabeth’s admirers are also stanch Victorians at heart, and were surprised and delighted to learn they can now celebrate two queens, although their look of puzzlement displayed when friends asked “Are you a <censored> idiot?” clearly caused some dissonance.

Those of you shouting “These people are beyond help and deserve all they get” are on some sort of list. Long may Victoria reign over you, and her Empire.

Only four days to go for the hospitality auction to win an outstanding day for three people.  Lunch and drinks at the Walfrid plus watching Celtic-Dundee from the directors’ box, courtesy of Intelligent Car LeasingCheck out the ebay auction here.  All proceeds to towards the incredible work of the Celtic Foundation.

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  1. Hunderbirds are Gone on

    My sheepie pal was downbeat about their chances yesterday. The fact we grubbed them all 4 games last season has left a bit of an open wound. All good then :-)



    Aberdeen would become the first side in their 112 year unbroken history to start a season with 6 consecutive wins, were they to beat Celtic.




    Hopefully thats a record I wont witness.


    11 fully committed players giving 100% should be too good for a workmanlike Aberdeen.



    I’m more concerned about our team selection than Aberdeen,plenty in M/Field no flying wingers unless Derk ready!!



  3. Paul67:


    The article is too subtle…


    Victoria is dead and cannot be revived.


    Stop press…the King’s dream is as dead as the dream to bring back another that was ruled but not over us…:)


    Keep the Faith!


    Hail Hail!

  4. Canman


    They bring too much money to the table, then there is the cabal to contend with, they will get a licence no bother.


    Just out of interest, who is there out there that will oppose them now that Turbull Hutton has sadly departed.








    I have always said they will survive in one form or another, been saying that for years, so I have no idea how you think the penny has finally dropped.



  5. Hunderbirds,



    I mentioned that at the end of the last blog.



    Worse Aberdeen teams have beaten better celtic sides so I won’t put my house on us winning.



    Wgs about 8 years ago was the only time (barring last season) when we have won all league games against them when they have finished in the same half of the split as us.




  6. TET,


    I disagree, I think they cost too much money and embarrassment to the game.


    Clubs increasing attendances and ST sales have made a liar of the Armageddon brigade, if they go. to the wall mid season who will accept any guarantees the same won’t happen again ?



    Naw, I’m no so sure everything will simply repeat itself.

  7. Oh my aching sides. The gardener is to be welcomed back into the fold because his mum and the GASL mum get on well and miss each other. In all my 50 plus years I have never heard such complete and utter crap which will no doubt be lapped up by the halfwits who are shafted left right and centre yet are still in complete denial. No doubt tomorrow’s armed forces day at the bigot dome will ensure another week of no hard questions please. As a former member of said forces I am fair upset at not being asked along. It will end in more tears, we just go about our business as always and watch while Rome inevitably burns.

  8. excathedra44



    Looking forward to it.



    Especially first glimpse of Jozo Simunovic our most expensive signing since John Hartson, and fully expect Celtic to halt Aberdeen’s good domestic start.



    Away win, to halt the negativists in their tracks, as Celtic ain’t no Kairat Almaty ( me neither ).






    p.s. Craig Thomson M.I.B.

  9. The Battered Bunnet on

    Whatever Ronny’s line up tomorrow, it’ll comprise yet another untried back 4. Middle of September, 2 months into the season, and we’re breaking in another new back 4.



    Choose from:






    Lustig/Janko, Boyata/Ambrose, Simunovic/Mulgrew, Izaguirre/Blackett



    My guess is Gordon, Lustig rested ahead of Thursday’s Ajax match, the Bhoy Ata and Jozo paired to prepare for Thursday, and Izzy, who’s back in after the Malmo episode.



    On balance, there seems to be 2 players for each position, which is a first in a long time, it’s just that no perm of 4 from the 8 defenders has ever played before, which is a concern with tomorrow and Thursday in mind.

  10. “Especially first glimpse of Jozo Simunovic our most expensive signing since John Hartson”







    Careful now. Some people struggle with the word ‘since’ on cqn.



    I wonder if it’s the same people who equate you saying ‘Nir reminds you of George Connoly’, with Nir is twice the player Connoly was.




  11. They (as in the forces of darkness) will always have a team to follow, it might not have ‘Rangers’ in the team name but it will be *their* team.



    Simply put if TRFC were to become dead there would be a gap in the market and somebody will be prepared to fill it.



    Let’s say Glasgow City decides to have a men’s team. If they market themselves correctly they can become the Glasgow team for people that don’t want to support Celtic or Partick Thistle (I’ve stated that politely) and it won’t take too much for them to be the 2nd biggest team in Glasgow. Once they’re clearly our rivals it’ll snowball.



    In a sense I agree with TET. There will always be a ‘Rangers’, just by the fact of being the big team that isn’t Celtic. There might not be a Rangers (or a The Rangers for the pedants) though.

  12. bournesouprecipe on 11th September 2015 2:25 pm




    Craig Thomson Eh.



    In my view the way to handle him is to get an early goal or two,which then puts him into ” watch my career ” mode.


    If however we dither it allows him opportunity to influence.



    I often wonder if our backroom boys have dossiers on these guys,or is that asking too much in terms of preparatory work.


    Offski at 7:15 so no CQN till later,hopefully plenty of happy comments.

  13. Captain Beefheart on

    Aberdeen are guff.



    New Croat must start. Our opponents ain’t Real Madrid.



    Not concerned if we drop points as the league is ours anyway.



    Europe more important.

  14. “Whatever Ronny’s line up tomorrow, it’ll comprise yet another untried back 4.”






    It must be the masochist in me but I think this adds to the excitement. :)



    I’d rather they had played a game or two together but it’s not like we’re going with four guys pulled out of the stands and a goalie.



    I don’t think we played the same back 4 in any of our wins v Aberdeen last season. Not the same thing, I know.





  15. bournesouprecipe:



    And if we lose….



    You won’t see a single nasty comment from me, not a single one, you never have, ever.



    But if we lose….

  16. Canman


    When has embarrassment ever been a factor when it comes to them ?


    People outside of scotland think the football is a joke anyways, so what will change, and I honestly can’t see anyone challenging them.


    Now a few clubs should, but will they.








    I have said all along that Cowdenbeath will come into the equation, somehow, someway, watch this space.



  17. the glorious balance sheet on

    I think we will drop two points tomorrow; Pittodrie is no place to blood a defence that has never played together before but it’s bad luck that the SPFL computer threw up this as the first fixture after the transfer window.



    I can see it finishing 2-2 – we don’t do clean sheets at the moment – and cue hysteria among the msm as they fawn over Aberdeen for a while longer.



    No great damage done in the grand scheme of things as we still have 30 odd league games to put distance between ourselves and Aberdeen.



    I’m much more worried about Amsterdam. I’ve seen a fair bit of Ajax on TV this season and although they’re not as strong as they were (and are not champions of holland) they ripped den Haag apart on both flanks 2 weeks ago. They look at their strongest in parts of the pitch where we are at our weakest.



    Unfortunately when it comes to Europe we don’t have a lot of goals in us to make up for the defensive frailties that come from bedding in a new back line.



    I fear we are going to cop a right doing over there in the order of 0-3 and that will set the tone for a dismal Europa league campaign.

  18. TBB



    Good shout, a possible scenario on the most important new back four since the last new back four.



    If Lustig is ‘resting up’ for Amsterdam after his incredible run of game time so far this season, it might make the new back four even more experimental, by putting Janko in as well? – whereas the moustachioed muskateer could be using his experience, to help Simu to bed in, with the Ata bhoy, all flanked by wee Hoops legend Izzy

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