I’ve been sent a brain teaser. What legal reasons would someone have to discretely pay another individual £500k? The people are not currently in business together, although the recipient previously worked for the sender. No goods have been provided.
It’s a puzzle.
Looking for legal reasons only, no crazy illegal notions or wild speculation about real persons, this is purely a theoretical exercise.
Apparently I’m being sent a moral dilemma tomorrow: Will the recipient, with off-shore accounts but living in interesting times, declare the £500k?
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BT
I’m on it now.
Trying online, no joy.
Where did you get a number to call?
Mucker
HT
think is was put up last night… don’t ask me where or when…
jobo on it mate..
hamiltontim –
Yes there is. A wild guess, but do you need the link (again)!
Jobo
Jobo Baldie –
When Rangers went into administration, the STV cameras were outside Ibrox and a big fat grizzly bear growled something like, “The big hoose stays open.”
Here’s a link
Hamiltontim –
hamiltontim’s very own link to the predictor
Off out now to the real Big (Chapel) House
Jobo
Jobo
Yes please mummy :-)
Much appreciated mate.
BT
My my I didn’t expect you on here quite so early :-)
Jobo,
here’s the provenance…….I must admit to feeling a little sorry for the big chap.
Theres a horrible sadness about his desperation.
The Big House explained……in ‘fool’ context
In the Blue room at Ibrox, a small bespectacled man sits calmly in the middle of the room while chaos unfolds all around. No one seems to notice him, nor addresses any point to him, despite the fact that he is central to their very being and presence in the room…….
” That is all YOUR fault” screams Whytey
” How the Feck is it MY Fault you bug eyed Tosser?” shouts AJ
“Your Fault and fat Sally’s fault”
” Listen Whytey, it’s Super Ally or Coisty to you, and we can’t help it if you are a moron”
“I don’t care what you are called,Sally, you didn’t make yourself clear, you didn’y go through proper business channels, and so an easy mistake was made……. That is all I am saying”
” An easy Mistake?” Roars AJ ” You bought a £4Million KITCHEN you total dork!”
“And you told me at the outset that the first thing we needed as a club was a new Kitchen brand”
” As in Don Kitchenbrand, ya fanny, Not four million quids worth of fecking Poggenphol and Miele”
” And Sally here….”
“SuperAlly… for the last time.. my name is Super Ally”
“……. told me to go German and bring in Close…”
” Mirolsav Klose, the German… Fecking….. centre…… Fecking….. Forward! Not the Fecking Pay Day loan Bank ya Total Fecking Diddy………..”
” Don’t give me that Pish” screams Whytey ” I told you, I am not a football man, I am a business type, a futures treader……..”
“Well you have traded our Future right down the pan ya wee diddy… and ye did it our AIN fecking money” replies AJ
” I never knew about Don Kitchenbrand.. that was in the 50′s, and I don’t follow German Fitba either… so when you said Klose…. I thought…..”
“It’s clear what Ye thought ya tube” screams AJ
” Mind you, It is a cracker of a deep fat fryer” admits Ally ” Does you a crispy Mars bar in seconds at full heat………..”
AJ Stomps off in despair to the other side of the room passing the Journo’s who are in a huddle
” So how do you want to run with this?” asks Spiersy in a sort of Bearsdeny gently enquiring accent
” Well we could start twisting it a wee bit round towards saying that Hector/George is being a bit feckin unreasonable…” says Chic
” Don’t you mean “Twisting it round a wee bit?”… that is far better English……” corrects Spiersy
” Shut it Spiersy” says Chic ” You huvny even got a readership who cares about the English, and my readers and Jabba’s readers can barely read English… nobody cares about English anymore”
” I fecking Do!”
” That’s because you are English”
” No.. I am Irish… I keep telling everyone that…..I even know the rules of Hurley and everything…”
” Aye but Tom, what Chic means is that you don’t care about proper written English” says Jabba
” Eh… that will be properly written English” suggests Spiersy
” Right, Feck off Graham, I am not taking a lesson in English from you especially when you are on the brew….. ” says Jabba in the huff
” Anyway” says Tom ” I don’t think knocking Hector is the right angle…. for a start we might annoy him and he starts looking into our expenses…. ”
” Good point Tom” says Chic ” What do you claim in expenses by the way.. the Beeb are getting right stingy”
” Surely tha must be really stingy?” asks Graham, at which point Jabba knocks him off his chair and proceeds to sit on him.
” Well I claim my Taxi fares each and every morning into the office” says Tom
” Aye but you won’t make much out of that”
” Well a Taxi to and from Limerick each day adds up!”
” But you don’t stay in Limerick, you stay in Morningside
” Yes well if the Barclay brothers can claim a taxi everyday from the feckin Channel Islands, I can get one from Limerick.”
” But that is fraud!” says mark Daly
” Listen you” says Chic ” If those photos of you Shereen and Big Jackie ever see the light of day, there is no chance of you ever,, and I mean EVER…. getting the big gig on Panorama. I mean what was all that with the furry covered boom microphone and singing “GO COMPARE” like the advert on the telly– what was that all about? So just sit there and shut it till we figure an angle here”
“Anyway” says Tom, glancing at Daly in disgust ” my point is that these are precisely the kind of questions we don’t want Hector to be askin.. Jabba Spiersy going very red in the face down there…..”
At that precise point the door opens, and standing in the frame is a figure in a wide brimmed fedora like hat and a long dark coat. His presence, whilst barely in the room at all, completely changes the atmosphere in an instant. Everyone turns to stare at the figure and reacts in their own different ways….. it is AJ that breaks the silence:
” NOW we are talking” He Growls ” Now we are Fecking talking” and he marches towards the figure from the back of the room.
Fud and Duffus are more than a little perplexed and indeed frightened by the appearance of this man. They say nothing, but grip one another by the arm in an automatic gesture of fear.
Jabba gets to his feet and exclaims” Good God” whilst Spiersy, relieved of Jabba’s weight involuntarily farts loudly.
Chic– in an action of supreme dexterity and lightning fast reaction— stands, bends over and touches his toes in an all in one movement that Olga Korbut would have been proud of.
Even George Hector gets to his feet, stretches out his hand and greets the newcomer:
” Mr McDonald…. how very nice to meet you!”
” Mr McDonald?” Roars AJ ” Who the Feck is Mr McDonald?”
” Is this not Alex McDonald?” Says Smiley George Hector ” Glasgow Rangers legend from the 1970′s? Gentlemen, I may be an Edinburgh man but that does not mean that I am completely oblivious to matters in the outside world and I know a wee Doddy when I see one” he said proudly.
“THIS” says AJ rather incredulously “Is not WEE Doddy ya muppet, This is Donald Findlay, former Vice Chairman of the great Glasgow Rangers, a true blue bear, leading legal brain in the country and the very man wee need in this time of Crisis….”
AJ starts to sing ” Hello Hello” very loudly
“Oh” says George/Hector ” I just saw the whiskers and thought Doddy……..”
By this time AJ and the so far silent QC are embracing one another by shaking hands in what seems like some form of double jointed yet arthritic hand gesture whilst both stand on one leg at an improbable angle. When they break the QC surveys the room:
“Well, who have we got in here then?” he asks in a booming voice whilst rolling up his trouser leg.
Without waiting for an answer from anyone else, he starts to answer his own question:
” Super Ally.. how are you son? In need of a training session I think!!!”
” AJ I know of course…….. Chic? Is that your arse I see I see in the air? For God’s sake man that was years ago.. and you don’t need to do that everytime I walk into the room or hear my voice……. Spiersy… what are you doing down there? You look as if you have just been asphyxiated by a large elephant….. Jabba… good to see you….. and who is this?”
” That’s mark Daly.. from the BBC”
“Oh” says Donald in a less than friendly tone of voice ” Auntie’s wee tell tale tit? Oh. Forgive me, but I see you as a dangerous little runt, and I am not sure at all if what I want to say here should be said in front of you………”
“Don’t worry about him Donald” says Chico in a fawning sort of way ” we have his number, because Scoop Guidi has the photos of him, Jackie Bird and Shereen Nanjani in the sound booth at the BBC Christmas night out…..”
Donald Guffaws loudly
” The BBC Christmas night out?” he says.. tears rolling down his eyes…… ” God does that still happen?”……….. he has a far away look in his eyes ….. ” Back in the old days at Queen Margaret drive I use to jump into the sound booth with Paddy Christie and Mary Marquis when they were reading the news ha ha…. talk about rolling your trousers up and taking your earings out with your toes? They use to have this mini set of handcuffs for putting round your winkie….”
” Yes they are mine!” shouts Chic ” and I want them back!”
“Ahem” a gentle cough brings all to their senses and everyone turns to look at Hector George
” Forgive me Mr Findlay for not recognising you.”
” Quite ok Hector”
” We have spoken many times on the telephone but we have never actually met… until now.”
” you two speak on the telephone? what about?” asks Chic, whilst wondering why he has never been invited into the BBC soundbooth by anyone other than the guy that does the God spot every four weeks
” oh.. Money laundering, proceeds of crime acts cases, legal aid board fiddles.. that type of thing…” says Hector/George quietly
” It always pays to talk to Hector” booms Donald ” If you play fair with Hector, he will give you carte blanche to screw everyone else…”
” Yes…. quite…” says Smiley
From the back of the room a figure advances and thrusts his hand out towards the newly arrived QC
” Hello.. pleased to meet you, I am Craig Whyte.. or just plain Whytey to my friends.. I am the owner of Glasgow Rangers FC”
The learned advocate looks briefly at the young man before him, and without warning swings an untrousered leg and boots Whytey right in the gonads… with the result that Whytey screams, falls to the floor and his eyes pop out of their sockets in an alarming fashion.
The room stands in stunned silence until Hector/George, looking down on Whytey rolling in agony with eyes agog says gently:
” well…. that explains something which I am sure we have all privately wondered about…..”
” Gentlemen, let me explain something” says Findlay locking his thumbs into the lapels of his jacket ” What you have just witnessed was A an act of self defence and B the use of reasonable force. I suggest to you, that it is plain for all to see, that I have just been approached by a total stranger.. as was evidenced by his attempted introduction, his extended hand and the announcing of his name. By definition, a stranger is a personage who is unknown to me and someone who, in normal circumstances could not immediately be classed as friend or foe. However, these are not normal circumstanmces. This particular stranger… introduced himself as a Mr Craig Whyte.. a name that is now known throughout the land and…. in part thanks to these good gentlemen of the press… a name that is now synonymous with a deluded,dangerous, double crossing wee fanny!”
Here the great whiskered one paused for dramatic effect….. and to gauge the reaction of his audience
” Therefore, gentleman, it logically follows that when this wee baw bag approched me with his outstrectched hand and his mad mental stare, I had no way of knowing whether he was genuine in his greetings and felicitations, or whether he was about the business of stealing my watch, twisting my arm or causing me some other untold harm. Further, given that he has an established track record for selling his granny, has already been denounced by no less a personage than the Sheriff of Glasgow and Strathkelvin as being deluded, unrealiable and as someone whose actions and words are untrustworthy and not to be relied upon.. I believe that I was perfectly entitled to treat his approach with suspicion and caution. If that premis is accepted.. and I suggest to you that it is perfectly reasonable….. then it is without doubt the law of the land that I.. and anyone else for that matter… can take reasonable steps.. and indeed use reasonable force where necessary… to fend off a reasonably anticipated attack from a publicly known wee shyster like Whytey here.
” As you can see, I was in the midst of my traditional one trousered greeting with brother AJ and Hector here when Whytey approached. He demonstrated and exhibited no outward signs of the ancient craft… he did not ask me how old my granny was nor offer his third knuckle in greeting… and therefore I suggest that I was reasonably entitled to treat him as foe!
When dealing with foe… it is accepted that one cannot simply do as you please… you must act reasonably. Therefore, I further suggest, that in dealing with a reputed but personally unknown foe like Whytey, then a good swift unexpected boot in the baws has all the hallmarks of a reasonable measure.. performed under reasonable circumstances by a reasonable man.
Such an act will not kill him, although it is accepted that it may lead to genital detrioration, and possibly result in an inability to procreate and to continue the genetic line. In this instance, the latter consequences of booting Whytey in the ghoulies is, I suggest, more of a public service than an act that is in any way worthy of being viewed as reprehensive. It is a fair and reasonable step/
If you care to look at Whytey, and the condition he is now in, then as George/Hector has observed, it would appear that Whytey has had his baws booted regularly in the past.. with the result that he is afflicted with an eye condition which can only reasonably be brought about by regular drop kicks to the scrotum area. He could take preventative measures by wearing what is commonly known as a baw Guard… but it appears that he chooses to throw caution to the wind and leave his privates unprotected when going about his general business, despite the fact that he must surely know by now that half of Scotland is likely to want to boot him in the Nakas.
Accordingly, applying the lagal maxims of Cavet Emptor, Res Ipsa Loquitur, Volenti non fit inuria and We arra People…… I would ask you to acquit me on all charges………..”
There was spontaneous round of applause and a standing ovation at such oratory.. well apart from Whytey who was heard to moan ” My baws are killing me for feck sake!”
Amid the applause:
” Did you hear that?” said Spiersy ” Every word, every sentence… gramatically perfect……”
Unseen by all, Jabba Knocked Spiersy unconscious by hitting him on the back of the head with a handy telephone directory!
Jobo Baldie says:
25 February, 2012 at 09:28
“The Big House”?
I posted last week that I’d only ever heard the expression in reference to the jail.
Can’t think of any connection.
HT
promised mini she could get 1 direction tickets this morning…
done, now back to my kip…. o))
blantyretim says:
25 February, 2012 at 09:29
Jobo:
Just waiting on …PFAyr and we could be waiting a while, he is a bit hungover this morning…
Keep the Faith!
Hail Hail!
On ITV4 just now is The Big Match Revisited. Coming up is Celtic v Aberdeen from the 80’s.
Hail Hail
I see it’s being reported in the rags this morning that the MBB has also mortgaged off future incomes from match day catering to pay for urgent renovation of the kitchens etc. I kid you not! What a guy.
Who sold all the pies!
charles lavery@charleslaveryReply
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SDM gave MB a pat oan the heid, a sugar cube, and £500,000. After the sale.
Retweeted
I see MIH are claiming they did “extensive background checks” on Whyte and found nothing to alarm them.
Incredible. Every Celtic fan I know knew about his dodgy history. This blog, RTC, and others were circulating various Private Eye articles about him, and a quick scan of Companies House would surely have produced his list of directorships of mostly failed companies?
Tom McLaughlin. I hope you are well fella you are right that was the first time I had heard it called the big hoose the fat Bear must have had two seats in order to fit his back side in.H.H.
The ‘Big Hoose’ guy had Destiny printed on the back of his XXXXL rANJURS TAP- I’m not sure he does irony but well done him.
Tom McLaughlin 07:10
I dont know if its funny or just plain sad that they trot out the old classic ‘most successful club in the world’, as their club lies critically ill.
Lets put this one to bed once and for all. If we are talking trophies only, we may as well look at pub leagues around Britain and find that the Kings Arms from Hemel Hempstead have won 250 cups! (dont google just made up). If we are talking quality and not quantity, then their 54 League haul (including our own 43) is not as big a feat as say Liverpools 19 in my opinion. Real Madrid with 9 European cups/CL’s would be most people’s view of the worlds most successful club.
Over the years I’ve had this discussion with huns I work with. I always put a straight forward question to them, asking for an honest answer…..’Would you swap your history for ours?’…the reply is usually..’emm, what do you mean?’….I then say..’well we have one of the best reputations as a club, support, ethos and history, in the world, compared to RFC who are known for sectarianism, religious dicrimination, fan violence (and now fraud)…..’Aye well ok but I’m not a bigot and it wasnt me who wrecked Manchester, and aye, I’ll give yous that, but we’ve got 54 leagues dont forget!!’…..Me..’well we’ve got less leagues but more Scottish cups, however (lining up the coup de grace), we’ve got the Big Jug’….the response to which is unprintable. Game Set and Match.
Works every time.
BTW if their are any 10 year old bhoys reading this, you’ll still be able to make the same boast as me when you my age.
NOBIGJUGINBIGHOOSE CSC.
good morning all
eyes on the prize Celtic, 23 points clear today would do just rightly
just got over a bit of a panic! have been booked in for the st johnstone game end of march, for ages & then they go and change it to the sunday(finances dictate i have to pick carefully the games i get to this year)
but panic over got the offer to stay overnight in glasgow with friends from the wonderful Celtic family.
Hail Hail
TOM McLAUGHLIN 0405
Disgraceful stuff,redolent of Holy Cross. Believe it or not,growing up in Kilwinning in the 60s was never a problem for me-maybe we were just TOO vastly out-numbered!
KITALBA 0631
Thanks for that link-saved to my favourites,natch!
One of my biggest disappointments as a Celtic fan was Jorge leaving us. The best natural scorer,IMO,I’ve ever seen in the HOOOOOOOOOPS.
Ki’s performance was the best I’ve seen from a Celtic player this season – straight out of the first tier. I’d love to see that central midfield of Brown (hectoring opponents all day long), Ki and Ledley again – the perfect value added mix of strength, industry, elegance and intelligence.
I feel even more strongly about Commons in the playmaker role, while Samaras is an absolute must start against the mothers – he excels against them. In fact, with that midfield and attax, you can put Bangura in defence for all I care.
One more thing – Paddy needs to feature at some point in this game. The poor guy must be uttering oaths about being kept out of the team, and he could benefit from having some trust placed in him by the manager.
My XI for today:
::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Forster ::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Cha ::::::::::: Wanyama ::::::: Mulgrew :::::: Izaguirre
::::::::Brown :::::::::::::: Ki ::::::::::: Ledley ::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::: Commons :::::::::::::::::::::::::
::::::::::::::::: Hooper :::::::::::: Samaras :::::::::::::
btw, isn’t it strange how few would now take Brown out of the team when so many were wondering how he’d get into it in December? If the captain doesn’t shake off his injury, go FF; CDR, TR, KW, CM; VW, KSY, JL; KC; GH, GS
Roy Croppie
He also did the legned banner. His top should have read…….. DENSITY
HH
Good morning all, have been lurking about for a year or so,posted a few times but just brief comments, and have to say this is without doubt the best Celtic blog out there.
I suppose,as seem to be the protocol, I should offer my opinions on recent events as an introduction and as a means of the regulars on here vetting me with regards any hun like tendancies.
Firstly our manager. I was not overly thrilled when he was appointed as I felt we needed experience at the helm. I aslo thought I was justified in this when we collapsed at ICT. But once my mind settled I realised that his achievment last season was quite remarkable. To lose to a team,by a single point, who got just about every break going and to a man who used every trick in the book with regards the scottish media. To have come so close to the prize, basically a penalty kick away, having endured the psychological effects of death threats and all that that entailed Neil Lennon had , in my mind, succeeded. Like all of us I am so pleased for him on a personal level how this season has unfolded, he must smile at himself every time he has a shave. He has given us a very good young team and if we can keep the majority of them together then good,maybe even great, things can be achieved.
Secondly the huns. Their predicament this season is so gratifying on so many levels. On the football side of it to watch them disintegrate before our eyes is a thing of absolute beauty. The decades I have had to endure this monstosity of an organisation have been,like all of us of course , up and down. But when the charlatan that is DM came to the fore and began his assault on the Scottish game, ably assisted by the Scottish sports press, I was very down. We as a club have always had to battle against adversity in this country but now we were being blown away financialy and their 9 in a row years were very painful to live through. If this plays out to my satisfaction DM will be getting his collar felt,oh joy if that was to pass. On the human level to see so many huns hurting is also another source of great pleasure. we have all had dealings with these superior beings, and trying to convince them that they are mere mortals like us is an exercise in futility.So to see the master race crying on the tv and proclaim, with the aid of crutches “the big hoose must stay open” gives a feeling that is unusual as it is unique because even though we knew this was coming when it did it was almost unbelievable. That in its self has made it all the more enjoyable.
So too all my fellow tims out there hello and enjoy the days and weeks ahead we are living in interesting times.
PS Excuse my punctuation never took advantage of the excellent catholic school education I was given.
HH
C’mon the hoops
Stick it up that wee lie down smithlicking scumbag McColl.
9-0
for a record
HH
AMADEUS 0900
GOT A HEADACHE,ME OLD MUCKER?
I FEEL FOR YOU. REALLY.
MY DAD ALWAYS SAYS THAT IF I GOT HANGOVERS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE,I WOULDN’T DRINK SO MUCH!
PS-SORRY FOR SHOUTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
row z
like it.
He’s some man!
I think he’s single handedly trying to solve their problems by eating all the blue-nose burgers he can. Some man so he is.
amadeus says:
25 February, 2012 at 09:15
Did you check if Sammi is actually in the squad today, wouldn’t want to chuck another tenner doon the stank!!
OOOoooOOOHHHHH MA HEID!!!
Auld gits corner
Celtic Viewer showing `65 FINAL V Der Hun
Big Yogi, arms akimbo waiting for challenge from KaI Yi Yippi etc.
Wee imperious Jinky.
Strange hun goal where ” faither ” gets battered as he goes for a high ball.
And,yet,the forces of good prevail.
Big Jock.When will we see his like again?
I think Motherwell have quite a good team and will give us a game today I certainly think they will be more adventurous than Dunfermline they also carry a bit more of a threat.It will be interesting to see todays team selection I hope big Victor and Mathews are back and will Broonie play? I will go for 3-1 to the hoops.H.H.
I take it the wee rat Lasley is back from suspension, he and Jennings will kick anything above grass height today, as they did at Fir Park. Would hope a marker is put on them right from the start.
BRT&H
That is quite simply,SUPERB!
Literally laugh-out-loud stuff.
I’m getting daggers from my hun housemate though. Too many splutters and guffaws for his liking.
god bless her majesty
Who’s the mib today ?
s , revenue & customs
gallagher
Crawford Allen
Morning bhoys from a sunny hun free mountain.
Brogan etc
Superb stuff, keep them coming.
I can see a Tv script writers deal for you here :>)
………………………..
A pat on the head, a sugar lump and 500k.
Well blow me over with a sook.
starry plough
Did you check if Sammi is actually in the squad today, wouldn’t want to chuck another tenner doon the stank!!
Presumably you mean if he doesn’t start, your tenner is less secure? His domestic wins to starts record this season is 94%.
roy croppie says:
25 February, 2012 at 10:20
Cheers, he could end up being SFA president with a first name like that :)
HH