“Giant punishments” on Rangers were illusory, you were punished instead

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Malcolm Murray, the newly appointed chairman of the Newco club Charles Green hopes to establish, yesterday entertained us with his comments on punishments served on a football team suspected of cheating you for over a decade.  He said:

“We’ve had giant punishments already – a European ban, a 10-point deduction, the emotional trauma everyone has suffered. I think, for the good of Scottish football, it’s much better Rangers in the SPL.”

There has been no European ban.  Newco will not be eligible for European competition because it is a Newco and Uefa requires three years accounts from participating clubs.  They are simply not eligible, they have not and will not achieve the qualification criteria for European football for three years.

The 10-point penalty imposed on Rangers last season for seeking protection from creditors by going into administration is hardly a “giant” punishment.  It changed nothing.  Rangers were second in the league when it was imposed and remained so.  They released no players and went on to defeat Motherwell twice, ensuring they finished the league in second place, earning £900k in additional prize money.

As a punishment, it is the equivalent of banning Ally McCoist from this year’s 100m Olympic competition.  Pointless.

Which leaves us with “the emotional trauma everyone has suffered”.  Compared to the emotional trauma suffered by Dundee, Motherwell, Gretna, Third Lanark fans, recent events have been nothing more than a focus for some robust rallying calls.

Don’t even start me on the emotional cost of losing the league in 2003, 2005, 2009, 2010 and 2011, all to a team of cheats.  How do you measure that?  Think back to each day we lost those titles and tell me how you felt about them then and how you feel now, knowing you were cheated.

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  1. ¡ǝsoɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ssɐd ‘sʞɔıʞ ʎןɟ ɥbnouǝ (o) /o\ z ʍoɹ on

    hamiltontim on 16 June, 2012 at 17:42 said:

     

     

    That’s the problem with teachers. Always making assumptions about us kids who ask ‘why?’ which then damages our life chances irreparably (had to look that up due to bad experience at school) as they let their prejudices run riot.

     

     

    Now write out 100 times

     

     

    I must be more understanding to former huns

     

     

    and no posting ’til it’s finished.

     

     

    HH

  2. When Deng Xiao Peng got his hands on the reins he said – profit is good.

     

    So…welcome to the club.

     

    The PLA is the biggest private contractor in China.

     

    It’s basically the biggest private enterprise business in the world with a security division second only to America.

     

    The world is corrupt,and when citizens try to change that staus quo they generally get enslaved,killed,or bought off.

     

    Oh well….in the end you stick with your tribe.

     

    Mine is Celtic F.C.

     

    HH!

     

    :-)

  3. sixtaeseven: No NewClub in SPL and it's Non-Negotiable! on

    Breaking News:

     

    Yann M’Vila has just escaped from Victor Wanyama’s back pocket, and will be available for selection in France’s next match against Sweden.

  4. to source at the sfa,

     

    the chaos and mayhem that you refer to is prcisely the reason you have to disband

     

    because you are unfit and unwilling to govern impatialy, fact is that last season alone ranger’s 1873 now no more were allowed to play while they refused to pay

     

    the tax paye, ni contibutions and vat this came out well before the season ended

     

    and yet you allowed this to go on when they should have been expelled and all results via them made null and voided, so again i say the sfa/spl are unfit and

     

    unwilling to govern the game in scotland, DISBAND NOW.

  5. ¡ǝsoɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ssɐd ‘sʞɔıʞ ʎןɟ ɥbnouǝ (o) /o\ z ʍoɹ on

    Aw Naw

     

     

    Feck’s sake, he’s not even a real teacher, just a babysitter!

     

     

    HH

  6. How far would the SFA and SPL go to ensure that another liquidation does not occur so soon after the Rangers debacle and before the legislation and reconstruction takes place.Would they give financial assistance in the short term.

  7. This SFA “source” – I smell shite !

     

     

    Just deal with the issue at hand….

     

     

    This re-organisation is a sham… it will be used to get the Huns oot the mire

     

     

    They are not to be trusted

     

     

    And its ridiculous to suggest this re-org is going to be manageable within the suggested timeframe

     

     

    Nonsense… just effin nonsense

  8. Cambpell Ogilvie on

    Philbhoy – It’s just the beginning! on 16 June, 2012 at 17:42

     

     

    Let’s get one thing clear I’m in charge here i can’t be sacked

     

     

    Thats why everythings running so smoothly here at Hambden

  9. GourockEmeraldBhoy on

    Aipple, if your still about.

     

     

    Had to take her indoors and the bhoys to braehead shopping.

     

     

    Don’t know how to get my videos from the iPad onto CQN, any pointers would be good cheers..

     

     

    Time for a drink

     

     

    HH

  10. lochgoilhead bhoy on

    SunnyBhoy on 16 June, 2012 at 17:49 said:

     

     

    Thanks for the info.

     

     

    Craig Burley, the ex-Derby, Dundee, Preston North End and Walsall midfielder, is still a FUD.

  11. ¡ǝsoɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ssɐd ‘sʞɔıʞ ʎןɟ ɥbnouǝ (o) /o\ z ʍoɹ on

    Hamiltontim

     

     

    You need to amend your moniker to:

     

     

    Hamiltontim Prim Dip

     

     

    I’ll amend mine to:

     

     

    Row z AS Class (but not until my protest is over)

     

     

    HH

  12. Awe_Naw_No_Annoni_Oan_Anaw_Noo on

    Hamilton Tim

     

     

    You should never have admitted your a primary school teacher. I have many of them in my family whom you have probably rubbed shoulders with.

     

     

    Everyone is out for revenge. ;-)))))))) and thats good ;-)

     

     

    My big sis is too …. Secondary …. Whenever I am with her I feel I am on the school trip …. To the point she asked me and her sons to please walk in a straight line when we were quite happy being vertical and standing.

     

     

    HH

  13. row z

     

     

    @18:04

     

     

    I get plenty of opportunity to practice on here…..with you :-))

  14. 67Heaven ... I am Neil Lennon..!!..Truth and Justice HAS prevailed on

    Awe_Naw_No_Annoni_Oan_Anaw_Noo on 16 June, 2012 at 17:31 said:

     

     

    I’m with you, bhoy …..loving every minute of it….!!!!

     

     

    A few months ago, I didn’t think the would suffer liquidation.

     

    I now don’t think they will have sell the big hoose, with the liquidators looking for money to give the creditors…..mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

     

     

    NO OTHER TEAM IN ANY OTHER COUNTRY WOULD BE ABLE TO INSTIL SO MUCH FEAR INTO THEIR FOOTBALL AUTHORITIES ….. THANKFULLY, IT’S NOT WORKING SO FAR……..

     

     

    THE REALLY ARE A DISGRACEFUL LOT…

  15. Philbhoy - It's just the beginning! on

    CO

     

     

    yes, but hypothetically speaking, if your er, employer was to prematurely terminate your contract of employment, would you be entitled to a er, severence payment?

  16. To you mr neil doncaster you do indeed apply rules with fear and favour as do your

     

    counterparts at the sfa.

  17. ItaliaBhoy I used the word ‘kleptocracy’ on here a few years ago to describe those in charge over the city. I think I’ll use it again. I like the word, it feels right.

     

     

    Bada Bing, the campaign to alert and inform fans of all clubs to what was going on at Rangers has been remarkably effective. CQN started it back in October, of course :-)

     

     

    Kitalba, 16:12, fascinating read on Cuba. Many things I didn’t know.

     

     

    ernie lynch, I disagree with the principle of withdrawing patronage from people who support Newco. It feels to close to what was practiced elsewhere not so long ago.

     

     

    Celtic (and you and I) should employ people who support and buy tickets to Newco (therefore indirectly financially supporting Newco, to follow your analogy), and continue to do business with others who do the same.

     

     

    We are a club open to all, always have been. This is our most cherished principle and must not be subverted. We can make decisions on the suitability of any individual or business on a case by case basis, but the principle must hold.

     

     

    derbyshirebhoy, many thanks.

  18. Sandman Is Neil Lennon on

    Paul,

     

     

    Another great article. You really have been on a run, probably umpteen in a row this year and now recognised by the New Statesman as a major contributing factor to the osmosis of the complex Hun financial ruin into layman’s comprehension and their ultimate downfall.

     

     

    Truly, it has been the Celtic fan behind the keyboard who has torn the generations-old Hun facade apart.

     

     

    However…

     

     

    I’d like to suggest a celebratory interpretation of latest Zombie Hun mouthpiece Malky Murray’s proclamation; shouldn’t we all celebrate the fact that despite all their torment they STILL can only put forward yet another crypto-fascist whose bullishness, arrogance and willful ignorance can serve ONLY to further alienate the people who REALLY matter to his Zombie Hun cause – that is, the fans of all the other clubs in Scotland who will ultimately force the agenda.

     

     

    Give Mad Malky five minutes in front of a mic every day and we can sit back munching popcorn.

     

     

    AND NOW…

     

     

    Something for a rainy day that may resonate with quite a few CQNers.

     

     

    A timeless bit of wit reputed to date back to 1993 and the Absolute Game fanzine and also claimed to be the work of noted Scots crime novelist Christopher Brookmyre. If you’ve seen this already, apologies, scroll on. If not, this should bring a big grin and a pang of nostalgia:

     

     

     

    THE ABSOLUTE PRIMARY SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES

     

     

     

    Duration

     

     

    Matches shall be played over three unequal periods: two playtimes and a

     

    lunchtime. Each of these periods shall begin shortly after the ringing of a

     

    bell, and although a bell is also rung towards the end of these periods,

     

    play may continue for up to ten minutes afterwards, depending on the

     

    nihilism or “bottle” of the participants with regard to corporal punishment

     

    met out to latecomers back to the classroom. In practice there is a sliding

     

    scale of nihilism, from those who hasten to stand in line as soon as the

     

    bell rings, known as “poofs”, through those who will hang on until the time

     

    they estimate it takes the teachers to down the last of their gins and

     

    journey from the staffroom, known as “chancers”, and finally to those who

     

    will hang on until a teacher actually has to physically retrieve them,

     

    known as “bampots”. This sliding scale is intended to radically alter the

     

    logistics of a match in progress, often having dramatic effects on the

     

    scoreline as the number of remaining participants drops. It is important,

     

    therefore, in picking the sides, to achieve a fair balance of poofs,

     

    chancers and bampots in order that the scoreline achieved over a sustained

     

    period of play – a lunchtime, for instance – is not totally nullified by a

     

    five-minute post-bell onslaught of five bampots against one. The scoreline

     

    to be carried over from the previous period of the match is in the trust of

     

    the last bampots to leave the field of play, and may be the matter of some

     

    debate. This must be resolved in one of the approved manners (see

     

    Adjudication).

     

     

     

    Parameters

     

     

    The object is to force the ball between two large, unkempt piles of

     

    jackets, in lieu of goalposts. These piles may grow or shrink throughout

     

    the match, depending on the number of participants and the prevailing

     

    weather. As the number of players increases, so shall the piles. Each

     

    jacket added to the pile by a new addition to a side should be placed on

     

    the inside, nearest the goalkeeper, thus reducing the target area. It is

     

    also important that the sleeve of one of the jackets should jut out across

     

    the goalmouth, as it will often be claimed that the ball went “over the

     

    post” and it can henceforth be asserted that the outstretched sleeve

     

    denotes the innermost part of the pile and thus the inside of the post. The

     

    on-going reduction of the size of the goal is the responsibility of any

     

    respectable defence and should be undertaken conscientiously with

     

    resourcefulness and imagination.

     

     

    In the absence of a crossbar, the upper limit of the target area is

     

    observed as being slightly above head height, although when the height at

     

    which a ball passed between the jackets is in dispute, judgement shall lie

     

    with an arbitrary adjudicator from one of the sides. He is known as the

     

    “best fighter”; his decision is final and may be enforced with physical

     

    violence if anyone wants to stretch a point.

     

     

    There are no pitch markings. Instead, physical objects denote the

     

    boundaries, ranging from the most common – walls and buildings – to roads

     

    or burns. Corners and throw-ins are redundant where bylines or touchlines

     

    are denoted by a two-storey building or a six-foot granite wall. Instead, a

     

    scrum should be instigated to decide possession. This should begin with the

     

    ball trapped between the brickwork and two opposing players, and should

     

    escalate to include as many team members as can get there before the now

     

    egg-shaped ball finally emerges, drunkenly and often with a dismembered

     

    foot and shin attached. At this point, goalkeepers should look out for the

     

    player who takes possession of the escaped ball and begins bearing down on

     

    goal, as most of those involved in the scrum will be unaware that the ball

     

    is no longer amidst their feet. The goalkeeper should also try not to be

     

    distracted by the inevitable fighting that has by this point broken out.

     

     

    In games on large open spaces, the length of the pitch is obviously denoted

     

    by the jacket piles, but the width is a variable. In the absence of roads,

     

    water hazards or “a big dug”, the width is determined by how far out the

     

    attacking winger has to meander before the pursuing defender gets fed up

     

    and lets him head back towards where the rest of the players are waiting,

     

    often as far as quarter of a mile away. It is often observed that the

     

    playing area is “no’ a full-size pitch”. This can be invoked verbally to

     

    justify placing a wall of players eighteen inches from the ball at direct

     

    free kicks. It is the formal response to “yards”, which the kick-taker will

     

    incant meaninglessly as he places the ball.

     

     

     

    The Ball

     

     

    There is a variety of types of ball approved for Primary School Football. I

     

    shall describe three notable examples.

     

     

    1. The plastic balloon. An extremely lightweight model, used primarily in

     

    the early part of the season and seldom after that due to having burst.

     

    Identifiable by blue pentagonal panelling and the names of that year’s

     

    Premier League sides printed all over it. Advantages: low sting factor, low

     

    burst-nose probability, cheap, discourages a long-ball game. Disadvantages:

     

    over-susceptible to influence of the wind, difficult to control, almost

     

    magnetically drawn to flat school roofs whence never to return.

     

     

    2. The rough-finish Mitre. Half football, half Portuguese Man o’ War. On

     

    the verge of a ban in the European Court of Human Rights, this model is not

     

    for sale to children. Used exclusively by teachers during gym classes as a

     

    kind of aversion therapy. Made from highly durable fibre-glass, stuffed

     

    with neutron star and coated with dead jellyfish. Advantages: looks quite

     

    grown up, makes for high-scoring matches (keepers won’t even attempt to

     

    catch it). Disadvantages: scars or maims anything it touches.

     

     

    3. The “Tube”. Genuine leather ball, identifiable by brown all-over

     

    colouring. Was once black and white, before ravages of games on concrete,

     

    but owners can never remember when. Adored by everybody, especially

     

    keepers. Advantages: feels good, easily controlled, makes a satisfying

     

    “whump” noise when you kick it. Disadvantages: turns into medicine ball

     

    when wet, smells like a dead dog.

     

     

     

    Offside

     

     

    There is no offside, for two reasons: one, “it’s no’ a full-size pitch”,

     

    and two, none of the players actually know what offside is. The lack of an

     

    offside rule gives rise to a unique sub-division of strikers. These players

     

    hang around the opposing goalmouth while play carries on at the other end,

     

    awaiting a long pass forward out of defence which they can help past the

     

    keeper before running the entire length of the pitch with their arms in the

     

    air to greet utterly imaginary adulation. These are known variously as

     

    “moochers”, “gloryhunters” and “fly wee bastarts”. These players display a

     

    remarkable degree of self-security, seemingly happy in their own appraisals

     

    of their achievements, and caring little for their team-mates’ failure to

     

    appreciate the contribution they have made. They know that it can be for

     

    nothing other than their enviable goal tallies that they are so bitterly

     

    despised.

     

     

     

    Adjudication

     

     

    The absence of a referee means that disputes must be resolved between the

     

    opposing teams rather than decided by an arbiter. There are two accepted

     

    ways of doing this.

     

     

    1. Compromise. An arrangement is devised that is found acceptable by both

     

    sides. Sway is usually given to an action that is in accordance with the

     

    spirit of competition, ensuring that the game does not turn into “a pure

     

    skoosh”. For example, in the event of a dispute as to whether the ball in

     

    fact crossed the line, or whether the ball has gone inside or “over” the

     

    post, the attacking side may offer the ultimatum: “Penalty or goal.” It is

     

    not recorded whether any side has ever opted for the latter. It is on

     

    occasions that such arrangements or ultimata do not prove acceptable to

     

    both sides that the second adjudicatory method comes into play.

     

     

    2. Fighting. Those up on their ancient Hellenic politics will understand

     

    that the concept we know as “justice” rests in these circumstances with the

     

    hand of the strong. What the winner says, goes, and what the winner says is

     

    just, for who shall dispute him? It is by such noble philosophical

     

    principles that the supreme adjudicator, or Best Fighter, is effectively

     

    elected.

     

     

     

    Team Selection

     

     

    To ensure a fair and balanced contest, teams are selected democratically in

     

    a turns-about picking process, with either side beginning as a one-man

     

    selection committee and growing from there. The initial selectors are

     

    usually the recognised two Best Players of the assembled group. Their first

     

    selections will be the two recognised Best Fighters, to ensure a fair

     

    balance in the adjudication process, and to ensure that they don’t have

     

    their own performances impaired throughout the match by profusely bleeding

     

    noses. They will then proceed to pick team-mates in a roughly meritocratic

     

    order, selecting on grounds of skill and tactical awareness, but not

     

    forgetting that while there is a sliding scale of players’ ability, there

     

    is also a sliding scale of players’ brutality and propensities towards

     

    motiveless violence. A selecting captain might baffle a talented striker by

     

    picking the less nimble Big Jazza ahead of him, and may explain, perhaps in

     

    the words of Linden B Johnson upon his retention of J Edgar Hoover as the

     

    head of the FBI, that he’d “rather have him inside the tent pissing out,

     

    than outside the tent pissing in”.

     

     

    Team selection may also follow two other possible methods.

     

     

    Firstly, the “tic-tac” method. Opposing captains shall line up facing each other, approximately 10 yards apart. They will then take turns to place one foot ahead of the other in a straight line, until they meet. The winner, and therefore the first pick of the assembled players, goes to the captain whose foot lands on top of the other’s. This process should get progressively faster as the captains approach one another, and indeed it may be disrupted completely by one captain simply running over and jumping on the other’s foot. The level of protest in this case is dependent on each captain’s qualities as a fighter, who their pals are, and the desire of the assembled players to simply “git oan wae it”.

     

     

    An alternative to this method is called “numbers”. The group of players is assembled together at the call of “dae numbers”. At this point two players are required, one to organise the assembled group by assigning each player a number, and a second player to turn his back to the group during the numbering process, and then shout out a random selection of numbers, thus composing a team. This method is open to close psychological analysis by the picking player, as they may attempt to guess in which order the players were numbered, and therefore pick a team that they perceive is to their advantage.

     

     

    All selections, of course, are open to dispute.

     

     

    Special consideration is also given during the selection process to the

     

    owner of the ball. It is tacitly acknowledged to be “his gemme”, and he

     

    must be shown a degree of politeness for fear that he takes the huff at

     

    being picked late and withdraws his favours.

     

     

    Another aspect of team selection that may confuse those only familiar with

     

    the game at senior level will be the choice of goalkeepers, who will

     

    inevitably be the last players to be picked. Unlike in the senior game,

     

    where the goalkeeper is often the tallest member of his team, in the

     

    playground, the goalkeeper is usually the smallest. Senior aficionados must

     

    appreciate that playground selectors have a different agenda and are

     

    looking for altogether different properties in a goalkeeper. These can be

     

    listed briefly as: compliance, poor fighting ability, meekness, fear and

     

    anything else that makes it easier for their team-mates to banish the wee

     

    bugger between the sticks while they go off in search of personal glory up

     

    the other end.

     

     

     

    Tactics

     

     

    Playground football tactics are best explained in terms of team formation.

     

    Whereas senior sides tend to choose – according to circumstance – from

     

    among a number of standard options (eg 4-4-2, 4-3-3, 5-3-2), the playground

     

    side is usually more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose 1-1-17 formation.

     

    This formation is a sturdy basis for the unique style of play, ball-flow

     

    and territorial give-and-take that makes the playground game such a

     

    renowned and strategically engrossing spectacle. Just as the 5-3-2

     

    formation is sometimes referred to in practice as “Cattenaccio”, the 1-1-17

     

    formation gives rise to a style of play that is best described as

     

    “Nomadic”. All but perhaps four of the participants (see also Offside)

     

    migrate en masse from one area of the pitch to another, following the ball,

     

    and it is tactically vital that every last one of them remains within a

     

    ten-yard radius of it at all times.

     

     

     

    Stoppages

     

     

    Much stoppage time in the senior game is down to injured players requiring

     

    treatment on the field of play. The playground game flows freer having

     

    adopted the refereeing philosophy of “no Post-Mortem, no free-kick”, and

     

    play will continue around and even on top of a participant who has fallen

     

    in the course of his endeavours. However, the playground game is

     

    nonetheless subject to other interruptions, and some examples are listed

     

    below.

     

     

    Ball on school roof or over school wall. The retrieval time itself is

     

    negligible in these cases. The stoppage is most prolonged by the argument

     

    to decide which player must risk life, limb or four of the belt to scale

     

    the drainpipe or negotiate the barbed wire in order to return the ball to

     

    play. Disputes usually arise between the player who actually struck the

     

    ball and any others he claims it may have struck before disappearing into

     

    forbidden territory. In the case of the Best Fighter having been adjudged

     

    responsible for such an incident, a volunteer is often required to go in

     

    his stead or the game may be abandoned, as the Best Fighter is entitled to

     

    observe that A: “Ye canny make me”; or B: “It’s no’ ma baw anyway”.

     

     

    Stray dog on pitch. An interruption of unpredictable duration. The dog does

     

    not have to make off with the ball, it merely has to run around barking

     

    loudly, snarling and occasionally drooling or foaming at the mouth. This

     

    will ensure a dramatic reduction in the number of playing staff as 27 of

     

    them simultaneously volunteer to go indoors and inform the teacher of the

     

    threat. The length of the interruption can sometimes be gauged by the breed

     

    of dog. A deranged Irish Setter could take ten minutes to tire itself of

     

    running in circles, for instance, while a Jack Russell may take up to

     

    fifteen minutes to corner and force out through the gates. An Alsatian

     

    means instant abandonment.

     

     

    Bigger boy steal ball. A highly irritating interruption, the length of

     

    which is determined by the players’ experience in dealing with this sort of

     

    thing. The intruders will seldom actually steal the ball, but will

     

    improvise their own kickabout amongst themselves, occasionally inviting the

     

    younger players to attempt to tackle them. Standing around looking bored

     

    and unimpressed usually results in a quick restart. Shows of frustration

     

    and engaging in attempts to win back the ball can prolong the stoppage

     

    indefinitely. Informing the intruders that one of the players’ older

     

    brother is “Mad Chic Murphy” or some other noted local pugilist can also

     

    ensure minimum delay.

     

     

    Menopausal old bag confiscates ball. More of a threat in the street or

     

    local green kickabout than within the school walls. Sad, blue-rinsed,

     

    ill-tempered, Tory-voting cat-owner transfers her anger about the array of

     

    failures that has been her life to nine-year-olds who have committed the

     

    heinous crime of letting their ball cross her privet Line of Death.

     

    Interruption (loss of ball) is predicted to last “until you learn how to

     

    play with it properly”, but instruction on how to achieve this without

     

    actually having the bloody thing is not usually forwarded. Tact is required

     

    in these circumstances, even when the return of the ball seems highly

     

    unlikely, as further irritation of woman may result in the more serious

     

    stoppage: Menopausal old bag calls police.

     

     

     

    Celebration

     

     

    Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of thirty yards with their hands

     

    in the air, making crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed terraces.

     

     

    Congratulation by team-mates is in the measure appropriate to the

     

    importance of the goal in view of the current scoreline (for instance,

     

    making it 34-12 does not entitle the player to drop to his knees and make

     

    the sign of the cross), and the extent of the scorer’s contribution. A

     

    fabulous solo dismantling of the defence or 25-yard* rocket shot will

     

    elicit applause and back-pats from the entire team and the more magnanimous

     

    of the opponents. However, a tap-in in the midst of a chaotic scramble will

     

    be heralded with the epithet “moochin’ wee bastart” from the opposing

     

    defence amidst mild acknowledgment from team-mates. Applying an unnecessary

     

    final touch when a ball is already rolling into the goal will elicit a

     

    burst nose from the original striker. Kneeling down to head the ball over

     

    the line when defence and keeper are already beaten will elicit a

     

    thoroughly deserved kicking. As a footnote, however, it should be stressed

     

    that any goal scored by the Best Fighter will be met with universal

     

    acclaim, even if it falls into any of the latter three categories.

     

     

    *Actually eight yards, but calculated as relative distance because “it’s

     

    no’ a full-size pitch”.

     

     

     

    Penalties

     

     

    At senior level, each side often has one appointed penalty-taker, who will

     

    defer to a team-mate in special circumstances, such as his requiring one

     

    more for a hat-trick. The playground side has two appointed penalty-takers:

     

    the Best Player and the Best Fighter. The arrangement is simple: the Best

     

    Player takes the penalties when his side is a retrievable margin behind,

     

    and the Best Fighter at all other times. If the side is comfortably in

     

    front, the ball-owner may be invited to take a penalty.

     

     

    Goalkeepers are often the subject of temporary substitutions at penalties,

     

    forced to give up their position to the Best Player or Best Fighter, who

     

    recognise the kudos attached to the heroic act of saving one of these

     

    kicks, and are buggered if Wee Titch is going to steal any of it.

     

     

     

    Close Season

     

     

    This is known also as the Summer Holidays, which the players usually spend

     

    dabbling briefly in other sports: tennis for a fortnight while Wimbledon is

     

    on the telly; pitch-and-putt for four days during the Open; and cricket for

     

    about an hour and a half until they discover that it really is as boring to

     

    play as it is to watch.

  19. Awe Naw

     

     

    I actually would never have posted my occupation but unfortunately another poster, Harry Thompson, stated it on here.

     

     

    Still don’t know who he is in real life but he clearly new me!!

     

     

    I’d have preferred that people were left with their first impressions of me, that of underwear model and quantum physicist :-))

  20. ¡ǝsoɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ssɐd ‘sʞɔıʞ ʎןɟ ɥbnouǝ (o) /o\ z ʍoɹ on

    Hamiltontim

     

     

    You didn’t hand in yer lines before that post. You’ll be gettin sent to the Heid…..

     

     

    Auldheid!

     

     

    HH

  21. Cambpell Ogilvie on

    Philbhoy

     

     

    Being a administrater of superior standing and ability i dont deal in hypatheticals i have no employer im the big cheese roon here

  22. Awe_Naw_No_Annoni_Oan_Anaw_Noo on

    Celtic will soon be asking how the SFA and the SPL can be left to solve an issue that they created ?

     

     

    I hope that Killie and Hearts go bust before the start of the season.

     

     

    I can see UEFA scrambling to find a league for Celtic to play in. Especially if David Taylor is implicated.

     

     

    HH

  23. Cambpell Ogilvie on

    Sandman Is Neil Lennon on 16 June, 2012 at 18:12

     

     

    Thats the kind of list of rules i just sign off without actually reading we just change them if any complecksities arise

  24. My dear,dear,dear,friend.. The Singing Detective

     

     

    Hiya, Palomine..

     

    Nice tae Greet Ye..

     

     

    Sorry, Ah am say Tardy in Replying… Ah wiz Distracted,fur a wee While.. coontin’ ….. Ma Blessings!

     

     

    And Ah hiv .. Noo.. 453.. !! No Bad.. a Collection. fur a Thirty-Nine Year Auld!

     

     

    And nooo that Ah am as Viable as a Violin.. Ah should go oan an Collect a Few Hundred, Mair. Easy!!

     

     

    As ye know.. How could ye Furget?

     

     

    Ah don’t think that Izzy, is Awe “That”~

     

     

    He is Mair like.. Awe, “This”.. than.. “THAT”..if ye follow me??

     

     

    His Distribution o’ his Final Ba’… leaves a Loat tae Be desired.

     

     

    In Ma Opinon, that is.. Ma Opinion..

     

    And Aroon here..

     

     

    That is the Only Opinion..that Ah pay the slightest attention tae!

     

     

    And Anither Thing

     

     

    ISRAEL..is oor ONLY FREEN.. in the Middle East..

     

     

    Check that!

     

     

    Oor Only Freen.. Besides, the U.S. ..

     

     

    IN THE WORLD!

     

     

    And Dinnae ye Evah.. Forgeet That!

     

     

    Kojo

     

    Yer pal.. who likes ye mair and mairer

     

     

    Still, Laughin’… of Course!

  25. ¡ǝsoɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ssɐd ‘sʞɔıʞ ʎןɟ ɥbnouǝ (o) /o\ z ʍoɹ on

    BT

     

     

    You’ll need to allow an extra half hour for your journey. Apparently there are road closures and diversions in place due to an improptu local event that started on Thursday. It’s called WAKEFEST

     

     

    HH

  26. What Scottish football needs, more than anything, is a strong Aberdeen, Dundee Utd, Hearts and Hibs. My most vivid of Celtic memories is in the 80’s watching games against these teams which were always tough and well attended by both sets of fans home and away.

     

     

    We need these clubs to seize this opportunity, stop relying on handouts from TV companies, and build a decent football club again. I think the fans of other teams are beginning to see the possible opportunities here, I just hope their Chairmen have the same vision.

  27. Awe_Naw_No_Annoni_Oan_Anaw_Noo on

    Paul67

     

     

    Disagree strongly.

     

     

    Fine if everything is above board honest open and accountable.

     

     

    These people want to protect their protection rackets as it ultimately protects their income streans. You know the figures for certain.

     

     

    It is a war of attrition.

     

     

    And all is fair in love and war.

     

     

    Has being good to Craig Burley, Davie Provan, Charlie Nicholas done us anything good over the years.

     

     

    HH

  28. ¡ǝsoɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ ssɐd ‘sʞɔıʞ ʎןɟ ɥbnouǝ (o) /o\ z ʍoɹ on

    Hamiltontim

     

     

    Failure to follow instructions……….. another 50

     

     

    Failure to complete on time………… another 50

     

     

    For having more than 1 failure……… another 50

     

     

    For making me write all this……….. another 50

     

     

    Am I getting the culture right?

     

     

    HH

  29. ProphetOfRegret on

    got a train down to london yesterday and the carriage was full of huns with big suitcases. looks like they’re migrating down south.

  30. I just found out the other day that the collective for vultures is a ‘wake’ or a

     

    ‘committee’…..I live that,it’s so apt.

     

    Bhunco : a club designed by a committee during a wake. They’re all vultures.

     

    :-)

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